Why Do I Get So Upset All The Time?

**lizzardb63** · 09-25-2010 01:28 PM

I find myself getting mad at my boyfriend quite often and we end up arguing. Once it's done, I realize that I overreact on things that aren't necessary. They just seem like a big deal at the time. For example, last night we were at my cousin's wedding and he knows I HATE cigarettes and told him that I will be mad if he smokes. Well he was talking to one of my family members and they disappeared. I knew this other family member smoked so I got suspicious. I kissed him when he got back and yes, I could tell he smoked. I was SO mad, I ended up yelling at him. Why do I flip out about the smallest stuff?? Like everyone else says "He doesn't smoke and it was one 1 cigarette" which is true, but it was something he KNEW would upset me but he did it anyway. How do I break my happy of flipping out over the small things? Anyone have any advice??

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-25-2010 02:16 PM

I think its important for you to step back and try to think of how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. What if he didn't want you to eat anything fattening anymore (just as dangerous to your health as smoking), and say you ate healthy all the time because thats what he wanted for you and deep down what you wanted for yourself... you're at a party and you eat a slice of a birthday cake, its a one off and you know it... be he becomes furious at you for eating the cake... how would you feel? 1. would you not feel that its your body, you're an adult and someone shouldn't tell you what to do with it and 2. wouldn't you expect him to have faith in you that you wouldn't fall of the wagon?

If you are getting mad at everything little thing imagine how he must feel. Imagine how you would feel if you knew anything you said or did could be turned into an argument, the whole walking on egg shells feelings is not something that makes anyone truly happy.

Dig deeper and find out why you are allowing yourself to be so upset with him. Is there something bothering you about him that you aren't addressing, so you keep getting mad at little things because you are stifling the true reason you are mad? Or is there something going on with you? Depression? Stress? Try to find out why you are having a hair trigger lately and address that first.

**lizzardb63** · 09-25-2010 02:30 PM

I know, and you're right. I have to think before I react. All I can say is if he asked me not to do something, I wouldn't do it just out of respect of how he feels about stuff. I just need to chill out and focus on making him happy instead of getting so snippy.

**jns** · 09-25-2010 06:05 PM

If you really consider smoking a deal breaker, something that will get you fired up every time, consider getting a boyfriend who doesn't smoke and has no intention of smoking.

**lizzardb63** · 09-26-2010 11:01 AM

He doesn't smoke though, he hasn't done it that I've known of since we've been together, but he knows how strongly against it I am. I just felt he would have respected how I felt about it anyway.

**dr.mansview** · 09-26-2010 05:10 PM

keep internally telling yourself that you WILL NOT get upset at small things..remember there are no doubt small things that you do that irritate him..he has just learned not to make a big issue out of it..as for the smoking issue, i agree with you..a woman who smokes is a deal breaker for me..i've dated smokers but would never marry or live with one..as "jns" said, if you feel that strongly against it, look for someone else..perhaps your bf never realised how strongly you hate it, as you did say he had never done it before since you had known him

**Allie602** · 09-29-2010 09:35 PM

It may help not to think that he is not doing things to intentionally annoy you. The old adage that man concentrate on one thing at a time may apply here - he was engrossed in the conversation and took the cigarette out of habit and just wasn't thinking that he was with you and you did not want him to smoke. If you give him the benefit of the doubt and take into account how men tend to think it's much easier not to be annoyed.

If he makes an effort to adapt to your need to talk, something that may not naturally to a man, then try to give him a break on not always being able to concentrate on more than one thing at a time.
Making many generalizations and I may be way off base.

**kristalyn_04** · 09-29-2010 09:48 PM

I tend to get irritated at little things when I am stressed out about something bigger. Think about if that could be the issue, because otherwise all these little things will build up on top of whatever else is bothering you and make things worse. That's happened to me a few times before and I ended up having complete emotional meltdowns, one of which is fairly recent and just now starting to get past it. If this is the case with you, nip it in the bud now before it causes more problems.

**lizzardb63** · 09-29-2010 10:12 PM

I lost my job less than a month ago and have been more edgy. Thanks for the great advice everyone. I will think my words and actions through before I just blurt it out. If it still bothers me after that, then we talk.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-30-2010 04:34 AM

He doesn't smoke though, he hasn't done it that I've known of since we've been together, but he knows how strongly against it I am. I just felt he would have respected how I felt about it anyway.

Don't think of it as he did it to diss you, he was bonding with a family member, "want to come out for a smoke?".... "sure"... acceptance, the fact that he doesn't smoke, is good, it's not dis-respecting what you believe in sweet, it's him trying to fit in, change your way of seeing things, ask the question why? Before, you react and always take yourself out of it.

Also alot of people talk before they think, this will take time, just think first and pose the question, see the various answers, some will actually make sense and then ask why? and always smile, make it a "I'm curious" a learning thing, instead of telling him off.

CW