Update on Things:

**SomiticPit** · 10-03-2010 10:50 AM

Nathan will be getting out this month, in exactly twenty-three days. I have not heard from him since about July, when he sent me his last letter. I can't say that those feelings I've had for Nathan are still the same. As I was reading my other two blogs, that became very apparent. Sooo much has happened since I've last seen Nathan in March.

I met this guy at a bar named Elijah and started seeing him. We weren't ever together or even really dating, but he was a big part of my life for the next four months after I met him. I became very drawn to him. He was still in love with his ex-girlfriend, and having a really hard time letting go of her. He told me he did not want to be in a relationship, but insisted that we still see each other and even asked me to be patient with him. I realized later I was just his toy on the side, something to occupy his mind. To make Elijah's story in my life short, I'll leave out all the details about what happened and why I stopped seeing him. Eventually, he moved back in with his girlfriend, and I was forgotten in his life.

As of now I am seeing this guy named Erik. Ironically, he is currently incarcerated. Except Erik isn't really locked up like Nathan. He is in a halfway house. I met him at work about a month ago. I pick him up from his penitentiary to take him to work, and I pick him up from work to take him back to prison. In between that during the small allotment of time that we have, we hang out at my house. I really like him, but I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with the fact that he is locked away. I think this has a lot to do with Nathan and my failure to wait for him. The only time I see him is at work, when I'm clocking out and he's clocking in, and at the other times when I am his ride and we chill at my place.

What goes through my mind is this: Nathan gets out in twenty-three days. Erik gets out in five months. I feel like I cannot commit to Erik because I failed to commit with Nathan. Once Nathan gets out and realizes that I am seeing another inmate, he will be pissed. Nathan is going to want to be in my life so much, he will feel betrayed that I have committed myself to another inmate. I haven't yet told Erik this. So, if anyone wants to give me any bit of advice over that situation, it will gladly be accepted.

Other than that, my life has been good. I got a little lost in some financial issues, but now that I am making some money every day and I'm living in a new apartment where rent is dirt cheap, I should be getting caught up in no time, and that is a weight that is slowly but surely being lifted from my shoulders.

**WildChild** · 10-03-2010 12:04 PM

Why this attraction to men who are incarcerated?
You just might find that one who is law abiding, free and employed has a lot more to offer. You can go places and do things together.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-03-2010 02:58 PM

Why are you setting your standards so low?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-03-2010 03:23 PM

Somit, welcome back

I think firstly, you have to realise that you don't owe Nathan anything. You were in love with him, to a degree, hung in there for quite a while, but lost that feeling along the way... That's life and it's your choice as well..

We all get lonely in life and in that, sometimes "settle" for someone, then realise it was a mistake, in came Elijah but at that time, there was some comfort right? It may even have strengthened your thoughts about Nathan, that being you don't love him anymore... Sometimes people are put into our lives for a reason..

I think your feeling guilty, that's why your seeing Erik, but you know you don't want another inmate, because that means he may go back again, or worse, in jaol for a long time, you don't want that for yourself anymore and off course your worried, scared even a little over Nathan getting out and "expecting" you to be there and you will, not because you want to but because you 1) will give in and 2) badly need love no matter what..

Your catching up with finances, your a beautiful young lady, it's time to realise that and to say yeah, I actually don't need Nathan or Erik, I will stand on my own and find someone to love me, and me to love them, who isn't going to get into trouble with the law, or using me whilst hopeful to return to an ex..

Your a hopeless romantic like alot of people

But, it's time to quit "settling"...

Nathan hasn't spoken to you, written to you since July, it's October..

You have a little money now, a new apartment, a new life ... it's up to you, take the new? Or the old....

I'd go for the new and throw this all into your past and start working towards your future sweet...

CW

**SomiticPit** · 10-04-2010 12:41 AM

That advice scared me, because its so true. Every response. Now I am wondering, "what am I doing?"

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-04-2010 06:41 AM

That advice scared me, because its so true. Every response. Now I am wondering, "what am I doing?"

What ARE you doing????

**SomiticPit** · 10-25-2010 11:29 PM

I love you girls so much. Advice on here is always much needed. Nathan will be out in a couple of days, and he's already called me on the phone. He told me he quit writing because when he had to wait on a response from me, it just made the time drag. Now he will be out in a couple of days, and I know he's going to be a big part of my life. I ended things with Erik, and we're cool now. He is a cool guy, but not down for being patient. Especially for someone who I really don't know. Nathan is different, although was in the same situation, I know him outside of being an inmate. The only problem is even though I know Nathan is going to be a big part of my life, I want to be with someone else. My ex boyfriend, Ray. I actually just got done posting about him if anyone is interested enough to read that. But I don't know. Men always have to be a big part of my life, and it's starting to get old! LOL

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-26-2010 05:00 AM

You already know the answer, your scared, your thinking that you owe Nathan, that he's been waiting for you but not, rather, trying to ensure your there, no one else has been in your life, but there has been, Ray and I haven't read that thread yet, but it's evident your over Nathan...

Are you scared of him?

If so be aware that he may watch you for a week or so and if your frightened, go and get assistance and watch what you do..

You don't have to be with anyone you don't want to

CW