Being a housewife

**Raina** · 10-07-2010 09:26 AM

First of all, there are three people who live in this apartment. Myself, my fiance and his friend he invited to stay with us (aka roommate). None of us are employed.

Now that thats out of the way, I would like for someone to explain to me the duties of a housewife. I tried googling it but ended up with mixed results that never gave me a clear cut answer. I know that cleaning is a part of it, but am I supposed to be cleaning up after the roommate? Hes 27 and is a disgusting slob (he brought roaches with him when he moved it, thats how much of a slob and irresponsible he is) and Ive had to clean up after him more than just once. Hed make himself breakfast and leave my stove and kitchen a muck.

Am I supposed to wait on my fiance hand and foot? When he asks for a drink, do I need to go get it or do I have the option of telling him I'd rather he get it himself?

Remember, neither one of them are employed and neither one do anything around the house except watch TV or play video games all day.

Reason I brought this thread into play is because in the past arguments between me and my love, he would bring up the 'housewife' and it would irritate me to pieces. It makes me feel more like an un-appreciated maid than his fiance.

Im young, I'm learning my ways.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-07-2010 12:55 PM

When most people think of "housewife" they think of someone who stays at home and tends the house and children while their significant other works outside of the home for pay. That is a give/take relationship. If all THREE of you are home and not working, then you are IMO no more a housewife than he is, or than his live-in friend is.

So basically what he's saying is that even though he's doing absolutely nothing on a daily basis, YOU are supposed to take care of household chores because you have a vagina? Am I understanding this clearly?

**KMonte85** · 10-07-2010 01:51 PM

If he expects you to fulfill the traditional "housewife" role, then it is only fair that he fulfill the traditional "working husband" role - meaning get a good, secure, full-time job, with benefits, that supports you and him. Mention that next time he brings up your lacking "housewife" skills...

Sitting at home, watching TV and playing video games while unemployed is not someone who needs a housewife... sounds like he needs a kick in the pants to get motivated much more.

**BabyGirl** · 10-08-2010 06:54 AM

First, if none of you are working, just how is the rent ,electric, tv, internet paid ? And how is food, personal items, toilet paper, cleaning supplies bought ? Does the roomate bring anything into the household other than roaches ?

Does your Fiance expect you to be the " Houswife" to another man , to clean-up after him, cook for him,do his laundry, clean his room ? Your Fiance should be a partner, he should do housework too,would he be ok with cleaning up after another man ?

Seriously , you need to sit down with these two, have a house meeting, get a list of chores together, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning bathroom, kitchen, windows, dusting.

Make rules that each of you must do your own cleaning up after yourselves and take turns doing the other chores. If one person cooks for everyone, the other two should clean up, do dishes, clean stove & cabinets. If you each eat separately, then clean up after yourself. and follow the mopping floor, cleaning Fridge Daily chore list you should have.

Do your own Laundry unless it's more feasible to combine the loads. If it's combined loads.Then take turns.

Your Fiance is your future partner in life, you should be equals, neither to be the " Maid" or Housewife/Husband. Of course if one of you get a job, then the chores should shift to the two not working ( all except the cleaning up after selves ). If all 3 get jobs, then the To Do list should be equally shared.

There are 3 people that have nothing to do all day but watch TV and Play Video games. You should have the cleanest, most dust free, sparkling windows in the whole Apartment Complex or Neighborhood

**WildChild** · 10-08-2010 07:12 AM

A housewife is a help mate. She can be seen as the support framework to the financial provider. It is a role that is part of a division of labor from a time period when women were socially, financially and legally subservient to men and men were socially, financially and legally obligated to support, protect and provide for women.

You don't have that relationship. You aren't a wife. He isn't working or supporting himself or you. In this day and age fewer and fewer couples can afford to have this kind of relationship. He needs to get a job. You need to get a job. He needs to pitch in and do half the housework. Why on earth would you feel a need to 'wait' on him?

I will second Baby Girl's questions, how are your expenses and bills being paid?

**Raina** · 10-08-2010 12:18 PM

His grandparents agreed to help him with his rent for a year for him to get on his feet, but all hes done was do less of getting on his feet. Grandparents are paying for the rent and I get the feeling that my cable/internet is going to be shut off soon because the only thing that gets paid first around here is his and his room-mates needs for cigarettes (thats just an opinion and PoV from myself, because either both have cigarettes or one has cigarettes and the other mootches off that one or vice versa) and that makes me so mad that hes having to support his FRIENDS habit, let alone his own. I feel pathetic about all of this and it sucks because I don't know what to do.

I don't mind doing housewife stuff, usually. Except for when things get dirty that shouldn't have gotten dirty and stayed dirty until I cleaned it up.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-08-2010 12:32 PM

His grandparents agreed to help him with his rent for a year for him to get on his feet, but all hes done was do less of getting on his feet. Grandparents are paying for the rent and I get the feeling that my cable/internet is going to be shut off soon because the only thing that gets paid first around here is his and his room-mates needs for cigarettes (thats just an opinion and PoV from myself, because either both have cigarettes or one has cigarettes and the other mootches off that one or vice versa) and that makes me so mad that hes having to support his FRIENDS habit, let alone his own. I feel pathetic about all of this and it sucks because I don't know what to do.

So what about food? How do you all eat? How do you pay utilities? Do any of you have a vehicle? If so, how are you paying for gas/insurance?

Why are you and your fiance not working?

And remember, HE'S not supporting his friends habit, he's not even supporting his own....someone else is.

It's time to stop feeling pathetic and start doing something about your problem. It's time to get a job. And it's time to worry about you. Right now you're an adult living off someone else. It's time to focus on you, and don't worry about what your fiance and his friend choose to do. For one, because from what I can tell you're fiance sounds like an unambitious, unmotivated guy who's perfectly happy living off his grandparents while laying up in the apt smoking cigs and playing games with his friend. He doesn't seem to place you as a priority in his life. And I'm truly not sure why you'd even consider living with this person, much less marrying him.

Get yourself a job. Get out of that apt and make a life for yourself.

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