Thread: it's childish... but this still bothers me.

Ok, I have been through this exact situation, and it did NOT end well.

Last winter my bf and I (I moved in the August before) let an old friend (and ex) of his stay with us because she had nowhere to go and two young kids (she would NOT have moved in if there were no kids). Well when I met her, she talked a lot to me and tried to act like a friend, all the while making John (bf) out to be a horrible guy. I should have known, but I give too many chances. Well one morning I get back from work (night shift) and find them laying together on the couch, and safe to say, I turned into Godzilla. After much fighting between the three of us, her telling him to decide between me or her, and John didn't want to lose her as a friend, or me as a girlfriend. Mind you he hadn't gotten more than a few hours every couple of nights because she'd constantly keep him awake, and when she'd go to bed her unruly kids would wake up and prevent him from sleeping. He also didn't eat, but that's his own fault.

In the end, I won. Know what he told me for why he chose me? I let him think. I didn't pester him, and I let him go through his own thoughts to sort out the pros and cons of things so he could make the right decision on what HE wanted. Either way, it was a very tough situation for both of us. Guys can get really confused sometimes, especially depending on the guy. That girl friend of his definitely is taking the offensive, and either he is oblivious(even if you tell him), he thinks it's harmless flirting, or he likes the fight boosting his ego.

In the end, HE needs to make the decision on his own, without prodding. Not to say you shouldn't voice your feelings, but know when to back down. Tell him in detail wht you have problems with, and what you think it's leading to. Find a close guy friend of his and ask him about it, and to talk to your bf if he can(guys almost ALWAYS listen to a guy they respect before even their girlfriend. It's sad, I know). I'm not a fan of ultimatums in relationships, but if he can't make a decision then let him know where you stand, and know when enough is enough.

Okay was your boyfriend totally and completely oblivious to the way she acted towards you when you met her? How could he not see her as being rude to you by doing that to you right in front of him? How long have they been friends? AND what exactly is the background of their friendship? Did they EVER have anything resembling a boyfriend/girlfriend situation? If they never did, what was the reason? without having the answers to these questions my initial impression is that she wants or wanted a relationship with him and knew that wasan't going to happen so they developed a very close friendship.

The reason none of his previous girlfriends haven't liked her is 1. she's not a very friendly person to women that are in relationships with your boyfriend and 2. she doesn't want his girlfriends to like her. It's easy to flirt and maintain a fantasy in your head if you aren't friends with the "enemy" (his girlfriend).

Your boyfriend needs to really sit down and set some boundries that you can both be comfortable with in regards to this woman. I don't think he should end his friendship with her because it does sound like they have been friends for a long time and he'll end up resenting you later. He needs to let this woman know that he is happy with you, he loves you and it would be in everyones best interest if everyone put forth the effort to get along, and if you can't get along then he's going to have to stop contacting her. That will accomplish a few things.... if she wants him in her life she will have to accept you and put forth effort to get along, it will make it clear to her and you that he loves you and your relationship is most important (which is a message she NEEDS to hear loud and clear). If you and this woman are able to co-exist it would make your man extremely happy because i'm sure he's had to hear it about his friendship with this girl not just from you but previous girlfriends and I'm sure it gets frustrating for him. I know it's probably difficult to do but extend the olive branch and try to reach out to her and be friendly towards her. Set up a FB page and send her a friend request.... or, valentines day is coming up so call her and say you want idea's/suggestions as to what to do for your man for Vday and since she's really close to him you could really use her help.

I used to be one of those girls that had all guy friends and they would bring over their new girlfriends and instantly the new girlfriend wouldn't like me. I think they though there was something going on??? There never was EVER. Even though you were nice to her when you met her, she's probably dealt with more than one girl that had a problem with him being friends with her and so she just stopped trying to befriend his girlfriends cuz really what's the point? Not to defend her because I think she was totally rude to you and that's not right. I used to go to extremes to be nice to my friends girlfriends just so they wouldn't have a problem with our friendship but it typically didn't work. Another way to possibly get her to warm up to you is maybe ask for some funny stories for some project or gift you are putting together for your bf.... you two have at least one thing that you both care very much about and that is your bf... good luck. Keep us posted on what happens.