bachelor party? a wedding?? ahhh

**ilovecupcakes** · 10-12-2010 08:37 PM

My boyfriend got asked to be a groomsmen for his friends wedding.
There obviously is a bachelor party, he said no strippers but there still is a thought in back of my head that there might be.

Also...i hardly know this friend of his, so when i go to the wedding i wont know anyone, and when my boyfriends doing groomsmen stuff, ill be sitting alone. even at dinner because he has to sit by the groom.

Also, the grooms sister is going to be there and my boyfriend had sex with her, before we even met though. Still i am going to be so uncomfortable around her. Oh and there is another girl going that was obsessed with him.

Im scared and I dont know what to do. I need to go because if i dont im just going to be wondering what he is doing the whole time.

**stressed** · 10-12-2010 10:06 PM

- It seems "safe" to be the groomsman.

- Bachelor party: What makes you think that there are going to be strippers there? Do you know any of the other guys who are going to be at the party? Are the rest of the guys single? Would the future wife mind strippers or would she be alright with that? Maybe you can talk with her?

- The friend he's had sex with: It's nothing to worry about and you shouldn't feel like it's a competition. I don't think either of them is going to be thinking about this, unless this happened recently and it was some sort of out-of-this-world mind-blowing relationship. I doubt he's going to think of having sex with her again though and they aren't leaving the party together, he'll be leaving with you. It's actually great that you're going together, as if there was anything suspicious going on he'd like to go by himself.

- The girl who was obsessed with him: She's only a plus for you. Out of all those girls there who wanted/want him he's there with you. They're only going to be jealous

Go to a hairdresser before the wedding and look stunning. As for the bachelor party, just think that if YOU are going to be bothered by a stripper there, then just imagine how much the WIFE is going to be bothered by it. Also, the very worse thing that can happen in that case is that he gets an erection from a stripper he's never going to see again. You'll be mad at him for a while, he'll learn from it, won't dare do it again and the issue will end there.

**ROXY03** · 10-13-2010 04:38 AM

How about making friends with these girls before the wedding?? They may be really nice, that way you won't be paranoid. You know the saying 'keep your friends close, enemies closer'

As for the stag do-there may be strippers but strip clubs are very strict and usually have no touching etc policies. Plus have you seen how wasted a group of blokes get-they're not attractive just silly!!! so it will be a stripper with lots of security around her watching a bunch of drunken men giggle at her boobies!!

**KMonte85** · 10-13-2010 07:39 AM

it does kind of suck when you're going to a wedding and don't have anyone you know. I've been the tag along to a couple of weddings where my bf stood up, but I didn't know the couple or their friends/family that well. It gets.. well.. BORING.

Don't worry about the bachelor party - they already said no strippers, so you should just trust that there won't be strippers. Usually if they are planning to go that route, the guys (single ones, anyway) are ranting and raving about it, so you'd know... in this case, seems like they're just going to have a boys night - no harm there. Try to relax a bit and let him have a good time out with his friends.

As for the wedding, and the guests. Don't worry about those other women. The one was way before you and the other is just crushing on a guy who has chosen you. Don't forget that - he chose YOU... so those other gals don't matter. At the wedding/dinner, try to make friends with the other guests, ask how they know the couple, where they're from, etc, etc.. small talk - be inviting and friendly and you won't feel like you're all by yourself as you'll have some people to talk to. By the reception, your boyfriend will be back by your side anyway.. other than a dance here or there, his groomsman duties are pretty much over with.

If it makes you feel better, I'm going to another wedding this weekend where my bf is in the wedding party and I'm not (popular guy I guess sheesh!)... so the wedding and dinner I will be boyfriendless. I guess in this case I know a few people, but it still helps just to go out there and strike up conversations with other guests... at least it kills the boredom and makes sitting there by yourself less awkward lol. I also like stressed's idea - go to the hairdresser and get all dolled up, and/or buy a new outfit that looks fantastic on you to wear. Nothing is quite the confidence boost as knowing you look fabulous!

**ilovecupcakes** · 10-13-2010 08:09 AM

All i know about the groom is that he cheated on his girlfriend a couple times and has never told her. Also, i asked my b/f why he cheated on her and my b/f said it was because she does the same thing(cheats on him). So i dont know what to think about the bachelor party or the couple.

The thing is, If i had a bachelorette party to go to i know without a doubt he would not want me to go even if there were nothing bad happening, and if i did go he probably would ream me out when i got home and for the rest of the week...

Im definatley going to look fab! im gonna buy a new outfit, get my hair and nails done, probably go tan because im pale as a ghost...
this wedding isnt till July but there is a bridal party in November.

So im hoping to lose weight before then too!

**KMonte85** · 10-13-2010 08:24 AM

oh you've got plenty of time to glam up then!

As for the groom and bride's personal relationship problems, that's really on them. I've been to a few weddings myself where I just shake my head and wonder why they're wasting money on a wedding when a divorce is imminent (and I've been right). You just have to be happy for them at that moment I guess, because they're happy. Even if you don't know them that well.. it makes the time spent sitting there watching them exchange vows not feel like such a waste of time.

As for your bf being mad at you should the tables be turned, well that kind of sucks... I have a bit of a problem with that, but I'm just such an independant person to begin with that it just goes against the fiber of my being to be told what I am and am not allowed to do (within reason) by my sig other. And I would have no problem telling him to shove it if he ever reamed me out for doing something as miniscule as celebrating my friend's marriage at her bachelorette party. I understand that not everyone is that way.

So if he would act that ridiculous about it, should you go to one of those parties, don't you then think that it would be nice to have this bit of ammo should the time that one of your friends invites you to a bachelorette party comes up? "Hon, I know you're not totally comfortable with me going.. but this is just a fun girls night out! You know nothing bad is going to happen... besides, you went to Glenn's bachelor party in July. I didn't have a problem with that, I trusted you, and you had a great time. So why is it different for me?"

**lonestar** · 10-13-2010 03:22 PM

"I've been to a few weddings myself where I just shake my head and wonder why they're wasting money on a wedding when a divorce is imminent "

HAHA. Word. I work in the wedding industry- I see that alll the time.

Cupcake, this is kind of a tough situation. How serious are you and this guy? Just wondering what kind of guy he is...
My boyfriend has been invited to bachelor parties at strip clubs and I told him he can go, but don't expect me to be here when you get back all f'd up. I tried to be that "cool girlfriend" but, I've SEEN him at strip clubs... he cannot contain himself. I once went with him and some friends just to see what the fuss is about and without even paying for one, some ho comes up and gives him a lap dance... while I'm sitting there. Of course he doesn't do anything about this. I see him kiss her arm/shoulder and I got up and went to the bathroom. I would have left entirely had I had a car. Needless to say I was PISSED, also needless to say we've never been back and neither has he.
My point being, do you trust him? Have you seen anything that would make you wary of such a situation as a bachelor party?
As for the past and this chick, it's the past. It sucks to have to see her and think about it, but if he wanted to be with her he would be. Just keep reminding yourself of this fact. I will be in a similar situation when my bf and I get hitched... one of his BFF's is a girl and she is in love with him. But that's a whole other post...

**Hopeless Dork** · 10-13-2010 11:33 PM

I mean you know your boyfriend and his friends better than we do... but there is always going to be one groomsman... usually a married one (bleah)... that will DEMAND strippers be there even if the groom does NOT want them, even if the other groomsmen don't either... theres always that one that will demand it because they want an excuse to pay to see boobs without seeming desperate.. so they will play the tradition card. But meh, either way it doesn't sound like your bf makes a habit of frequenting those kinds of places so I wouldn't lose any sleep over a bachelor party. ( I think its sort of a pathetic tradition... you are commited to someone (or else you wouldn't be marrying them) you are about to pledge your love to them in front of God and your family... what better way to celebrate that love than paying some strange lady to see her naked)

As far as the ex gf goes, again... no need to worry about that one. She's an ex for a reason... keep that in mind. One of my boyfriends ex gfs is related to one of his best friends so we have to see her every now and then and I just don't think about it... Its not awkward for me because I am so into my guy and him to me that most of the time I forget he use to be with her. Actually sometimes I have to force myself to tone it down around her to not make HER feel awkward... because we are always all over each other and I wouldn't like feeling like I was making her uncomfortable.

Being around exes doesn't have to be awkard as long as 1. They TELL you the person is an ex before meeting them , and your boyfriend has done that... and that is good because then you don't have to walk around feeling like everyone knows something you don't know. Everyone has a past, his past happens to be related to someone thats important to him so you just have to roll with it.

As far as not knowing anyone at the wedding, thats just how it is sometimes and you have to kind of roll with that too when you are in a relationship. Work functions, family gatherings (until you get to know everyone) and old friends weddings to name a few are things you'll attend with him that you may not know anyone... as long as your guy is good about introducing you to everyone and not leaving you stranded when he is free to move about and stuff then you will be okay. He wants you to be there, thats why he invited you... I know it sucks that he will have to sit at the wedding party table but once the reception kicks in he will be free to move about and you can be on his arm the rest of the night. Just enjoy the ceremony, the food and drinks and try not to worry about stalker girl...

Keep in mind this guy is with you by choice, he chose you to be his gf... no one held a gun to his head and made him love you, he just does... and not wierdo with a crush on him is going to change that. Just like you can't help it if a guy is into you... you know where your heart is.

I have had guys ask me out, do creepy stalker things etc.. and I always tell my bf about it and he never gets mad at me for how someone else is interested in me.. he knows my interests lay with him only... you just have to put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself if he'd need to worry if some guy was all into you, if you know he wouldn't need to worry about something silly like that you should know you don't need to worry either.

Just go and have a good time, be friendly and talk to your table and maybe you'll make a few friends out of this shin dig or at least not have a horrible time