Cohabiting or Not??????
I'm been dating my boyfriend now for 13months he lives alone and has for 2 and half years.
I stay over some nights mainly on a weekend.
Today he has given me a spare set of keys for his house, so I can come and go when I want. He says I'm always welcome to stay. I feel pleased he trusts me given me a set of keys but at the same time I don't know what to think of it? Is it a case of actions speak louder than words, is this his way of saying he wants me to move in??
Advice.
Maybe.
Or it's something along the lines of him being totally comfortable with you, trusts you and wants you to feel that. If I were guessing, as time goes on and more and more of your things end up there, the time will come when a decision will be made about the necessity of paying for two places. Time may not be just right to have this conversation but you two may be headed in that direction.
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
Maybe yes, maybe no. But you should stop worrying about it for now, enjoy the privilege and the closeness that you get to have with him. Pretzel is right, with the things that's going on with you both, there is a big possibility that you'd eventually get to live with him permanently.
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Should I not mention anything to him or bring the conversation up for now?
I'd leave it alone. A set of keys is not an invite to move in. As Pretz says it reflects trust and comfort level. You can pop in and prepare a lovely meal to share with him as a surprise. If the two of you are planning to spend time together and he is running late you can let yourself in. If he locks the keys in his car you can run over a pick up his spare set, but it doesn't mean you should start packing.
I've given a man I wasn't living with or engaged to keys only once - its a serious trust thing for me but other people seem to do it pretty routinely. I manage apts and have had a few tenants that I've had to lecture on the subject as I got tired of changing their locks every time they changed lovers. Generally this is a sign of a deepening relationship.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Pretzel and WC already said what I'm about to say. And I would add that depending on what your boundaries are, DO NOT cohabit with a lover unless there is marriage on the plate or a mutual/verbal agreement of lifetime commitment and monogamous partnership with each other. Stop reading between the lines on this one - he would ask you to move in if he wants you to.
This happened to me before and I misread it. It made him pull away and re-evaluate himself and his plans regarding our relationship. Only "build the nest" once there is a concrete invitation to do so such as a marriage proposal or proposal for a lifetime commitment/monogamous partnership with you (without marriage, if you so prefer that).
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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Maybe that is sort of his way of saying "I love you and trust you and this is how I want to show you that." Might not mean he wants you to move in but its definitely a step in that direction, eventually. Be flatteredmost guys like their space as long as possible and he is willingly giving it to you.
Probably not. When he wants you to move in he will ask you directly. This is him taking the first step to this outcome, so eventually, if all goes well, that will happen eventually. Don't read too much into it and don't make a big deal out of it.
vivre bien
Nah, don't bring it up. I gave my most recent boyfriend a key and a garage door opener, because I trusted him, wanted him to be able to come pick up my dog for dog park trips, etc when he wanted. However, this did NOT mean I wanted him to move in because I most certainly did not.
I think you're over-thinking it. I think if he wanted you to live there full time, he'd tell you that.
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