I feel I wasted a lot time...what can i do?

**AnastasiaRose** · 10-16-2010 07:37 AM

First of all I just turned 24 and I really feel I've wasted a lot of time.

During elementary/jr high/high school I was very shy and I didn't have many friends, never on any extra-cirriculars and I kinda isolated myself to at home ( no drinking, hanging out rarely, sex, or drugs). I have a slight learning disability which has caused me problems in my life. There always seems to be drama with people. I had some classes screwed up in hugh school so I had to take another year and my mother encouraged me to take a gap year and a secretary program which made me lose 3 years. When I was done my first year of my real program everyone already had their degrees which made me feel left behind.

My dad cheated on my mom in 2003 with my grandfather's tenant and i didn't find out until 2005 and he is always traveling and I know from 2007 onward there had been distance between them. In 2008, I found out he had a new gf from down south who had a 12 yr old son. I never liked the idea because she is 13 years older than me and is interested in me things and it seems my dad is going through a mid-life crisis anyway he and my mom divorced march 2010 and he married the other woman in august 2010 and I wasnt happy about the relationship at all and there is nothing i can do about it. I feel this woman has stolen my father as i dont have a great relationship with him anymore, especially on holidays etc, he was trying to push me to be friends with her, I told him I want nothing to do with her and they are not good for one another and they look very out of place together. On facebook he listed his son as her son which i was outraged about. I really don't want anything to do with this situation and my father seems to be putting this strange new woman above me and my brother and won't change his mind.

I've always found it hard to make/keep friends I find drama comes to me but I don't do anything to deserve it. I dated one guy when I was 16 he used me and broke my heart and then i felt I am never going to let anyone near my heart until it's the right guy (bad mistake!) I didnt go out so guys didnt approach me and i was embarassed for being inexpierenced, embarassed about living at home, ddint want someone to hold me back in life etc. I finally got so sick of being single i kinda started dating again when I was 22, and then I was involved with one guy last year and haven't been with anyone since becuase i got so attached to him which freaked him out (only becuase I hadn't been with anyone in a long time) he said we had no chemistry (i feel it was my shyness/lack of expierence) and the awkwardness of sex (again lack of expierence) I feel these are all things that could of changed...WDYT? It's been 7 months but I am still having a hard time letting go just because I haven't dated much before....do you have any advice for me? I think I really need to date first before i settle down.

**lonestar** · 10-21-2010 03:02 PM

yes. You should absolutely date first before trying a relationship. They are hard!! I am the same way when it comes to having a BF; they become my life and I become somewhat co-dependent. I can't help it, they just become my life. My current BF has been wonderful and has worked with me and taught me things (and vice versa). You just have to find someone who is willing to invest time and work into you and has to realize that you are not perfect (and that he isn't either). We still have a lot to work on, but we are working on it.
As far as the inexperience at sex, it comes with time. Maybe start reading up on it? It sounds silly, but I learned a lot of the things I know from books, internet, and Cosmo

As far as the drama queen scenario, I know it all too well also. Drama follows me and we are not friends. It has caused a lot of issues in my life, but I think it was because I was raised in drama. Did you have any trauma in your childhood? I'm assuming you were fairly older when this whole thing with your parents happened; that didn't happen as a child. In a way, you are lucky. Being a child through a divorce is devastating. That being said, I guess it never matters how old you are.
Your father should not be pushing you like that. She should be trying to initiate a relationship with you. Otherwise it will be extremely awkward. Is she nice to you? Is she nice in general? Do you think she is using your father? Do you not like her just because of the situation?
As far as schooling goes, I am 22 and barely a Sophomore in college. Most of my friends are starting their careers or struggling through life anyways even with a degree. However, I do feel like I have wasted a lot of time as well. I will probably be close to 27 when I finally graduate...
That being said, I took so much time off after high school because I was not ready for college. If I had jumped right into college, I would have dropped out. Almost positive...
Focus on changing what you don't like now. The past is the past and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. You can fix your future. There is no time to be unhappy...

**WildChild** · 10-21-2010 03:34 PM

Well no time like the present!
I'll let you in a little something - being embarassed about everything you don't know/haven't got/haven't done, won't move you forward.
Just get after it!

**AnastasiaRose** · 10-21-2010 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by lonestar

yes. You should absolutely date first before trying a relationship. They are hard!! I am the same way when it comes to having a BF; they become my life and I become somewhat co-dependent. I can't help it, they just become my life. My current BF has been wonderful and has worked with me and taught me things (and vice versa). You just have to find someone who is willing to invest time and work into you and has to realize that you are not perfect (and that he isn't either). We still have a lot to work on, but we are working on it.
As far as the inexperience at sex, it comes with time. Maybe start reading up on it? It sounds silly, but I learned a lot of the things I know from books, internet, and Cosmo

As far as the drama queen scenario, I know it all too well also. Drama follows me and we are not friends. It has caused a lot of issues in my life, but I think it was because I was raised in drama. Did you have any trauma in your childhood? I'm assuming you were fairly older when this whole thing with your parents happened; that didn't happen as a child. In a way, you are lucky. Being a child through a divorce is devastating. That being said, I guess it never matters how old you are.
Your father should not be pushing you like that. She should be trying to initiate a relationship with you. Otherwise it will be extremely awkward. Is she nice to you? Is she nice in general? Do you think she is using your father? Do you not like her just because of the situation?
As far as schooling goes, I am 22 and barely a Sophomore in college. Most of my friends are starting their careers or struggling through life anyways even with a degree. However, I do feel like I have wasted a lot of time as well. I will probably be close to 27 when I finally graduate...
That being said, I took so much time off after high school because I was not ready for college. If I had jumped right into college, I would have dropped out. Almost positive...
Focus on changing what you don't like now. The past is the past and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. You can fix your future. There is no time to be unhappy...

Thank you! that is great advice. I'm going to try not to dwell on the past and realize everything happens for a reason... and start dating before i get into a relationship so i can get expierence. I can see thats what ended my last one, but I am not going to make that mistake again.

As for my father, this started when I was 16, and his new wife is trying to hard to be my friend. I am unsure if she is using my father but i find shes trying too hard for my acceptance. I dont feel comfortable with her - and i dont agree with their relationship. I think given what has happened it too much, and he should have known better before making some decisons.

Yeah I probablly have about 7-8 years left of school but im not doing it all at once. Just make sure im doing it at a ready pace.

**lonestar** · 10-22-2010 08:14 AM

Try to give her a break. At least she is trying to be your friend. My steparents never really tried to level with me. My stepfather was an abusive a sshole who never wanted kids and never got in the mindset (even though I was already in the picture when he married my mother. I was 4). He treated me terribly up until the 6 months before I moved out... because I started standing up for myself.
My stepmother was not nearly as bad. She was just never very warm towards me. She had a daughter when she married my father and she was still a baby; I always watched her hug and love on my sister and never on me. Such is life. I have come to terms I will never have any mothering. She has tried to have a relationship with me, but not very hard.
So like I said, try to give her a break. Maybe you could be friends? This could be good. I know you don't agree woth their relationship, but maybe give it a try?