confused

**princessxx** · 10-18-2010 04:37 AM

im 18 and i have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 9 months, i really love him so much and i cant imagine being with anyone else but recently i have been feeling very down and confused

in august he went on holiday with his family for 2 weeks i was invited but i couldnt go because of college and work commitments, the holiday was in england so we still text eachther everyday and he was sending me lovely texts like 'i really miss you ' and we had a couple of phonecalls (where he rang me first i didnt ring him) and he'd be like i cant wait to come home

then he came home and it was all fine nothing was wrong but i noticed his phone wasnt lying around on the table like it usually is but i honestly never thought anything of it because i never ever thought he would be hiding something from me because i trusted him so much and i never thought he would ever do anything sleazy like that, anyway after a couple of weeks of him being home one day i got a text from him and he had sent it to me by mistake and it was actually meant for another girl coz he said her name in the text it was like 'i hope you have a lovely day try not to think about me too much i miss you lauren xxxxxxxxx' and i was like omg!! when i read it i felt sick so i text him saying lauren? who is that?? and he was like 'just a friend' and i was like 'it sounds more than that' and anyway he came to my house that night and i was crying and shouting at him i just couldnt believe he was sending these romantic flirty messages to another girl it made me feel that he was not 100% loyal to me and i want him to be fully committed to our relationship i just couldnt understand why he would want to jeaporidise out relationship when we have had so many good times

he said lauren was a girl he met on holiday and they got on really well and he misses her coz she lives far away and he didnt tell me about her coz he knew id get jealous, and i was like fair enough if u made friends with someone on holiday coz it must of been boring just being with his mum and dad but why did u have to carry it on when u got home? i just hate that fact he misses another girl it makes me feel horrible

and i said why were u flirting with her and giving loads of kisses and he said h wasnt flirting he was just trying to be nice and i was like yeah but u just cant talk to girls like that when your in a relationship it surely gives the wrong impression

we talked it all out and i said i would try to forget it because he told me he was really sorry he was just trying to be friendly it didnt mean anything, it was hard for me to forget because it just really shocked me i didnt see it coming and i guess i am quite jealous because my dad cheated on my mum and it doesnt give me much faith in guys and now i dont feel safe with my boyfriend anymore and its horrible

so a few weeks on from that we were getting back to normal but i noticed he was always turning his phone off and hiding it in his pockets and i really wanted to say why are u always hiding ur phone but i didnt want him to think im turning into some paranoid bunny boiler, and when he went to have a bath one morning i had enough and looked at his phone and i saw that he had still been texting her and being realy nice and giving loads of kisses

and it really upset me because i thought why are u still talking to her when u saw how upset i was is it actually worth it? but i didnt mention it i was just quiet during the day and then i said to him why do u always turn off ur phone and he said 'because that lauren girl was ringing me the other night and i i didnt asnwer it coz i dont want to speak to her' and i thought well u are still texting her so u obviously do! but i didnt say anything, i thought if hes not answering her phone calls he cant like her that much and in the past couple of days he hasnt been hiding his phone which has made me really happy coz it stops me thinking hes hiding something from me and when he was out the room i looked at his missed calls and there is soooo many from this girl im just thinking wy cant he tell her to leave him alone!!

im glad hes not answering the phone calls but he still text her after i found out and it was still really flirty and nice so she obviously got the impression it was ok to ring him all the time but today he got a text and then he hid his phone so it just makes me so paranoid!!

i dont understand why he is still texting her after he knew how upset i was and she obviously has feelings for him if shes ringing him all the time and it makes me wonder weather anything happened on holiday... i dont want to bring it up all the time but i really want to ask him why hes still talking to her
do u think wat hes done is out of order and what should i do?

**Adsie** · 10-18-2010 06:03 AM

Princess, there is no such thing as a Prince Charming, nor a Princess, for that matter. This girl lives in the UK, it was a holiday romance and she is 3,000 miles away - pretty safe?

But trust is the bigger issue. Tell him you don't feel trusted, but do it to his face, don't go around looking at his phone. If you don't trust him, break it off now and find someone better. He may even learn his lesson and not do it again.

**kristalyn_04** · 10-18-2010 09:59 AM

All I can say is, you need to confront him (calmly and rationally) about what's going on and how it's making you feel. Let him know that this is his chance to be honest with you so you both can work toward healing the relationship (which includes him cutting off contact with this girl). If you can't trust him then you need to walk away.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-18-2010 01:11 PM

My instinct here is, he's cheating on you, he's lying to you, he's hiding things from you.......and it's time to trust your OWN instinct and call this relationship quits. This is not just some girl contacting him, this is someone he had something going on with while he was away, and this is someone he knows he's going to talk to and plans to talk to, or else he wouldn't have been carrying his phone around with him all the time.

Yes, he's turning off his phone....but I can gaurantee he's not turning it off when you're not around. He's doing it because he doesn't want you to see her call. He's doing it because then you can't see/hear her texts come in. And I'm sure he's telling her that he's sleeping or working etc....and I'm sure she totally believes him.

You can love someone.....but when it gets to the point where you "love" them enough to accept their cheating ways, then in my opinion its not love anymore...it's co-dependency, insecurity, low self esteem. Because in order to truly love him, you have to love yourself......and if you love yourself you're not going to sit back and be with a man who you've caught blatantly cheating.

He is cheating. He is being dishonest with you. You know it....and you know what you need to do.

**princessxx** · 10-18-2010 02:50 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

My instinct here is, he's cheating on you, he's lying to you, he's hiding things from you.......and it's time to trust your OWN instinct and call this relationship quits. This is not just some girl contacting him, this is someone he had something going on with while he was away, and this is someone he knows he's going to talk to and plans to talk to, or else he wouldn't have been carrying his phone around with him all the time.

Yes, he's turning off his phone....but I can gaurantee he's not turning it off when you're not around. He's doing it because he doesn't want you to see her call. He's doing it because then you can't see/hear her texts come in. And I'm sure he's telling her that he's sleeping or working etc....and I'm sure she totally believes him.

You can love someone.....but when it gets to the point where you "love" them enough to accept their cheating ways, then in my opinion its not love anymore...it's co-dependency, insecurity, low self esteem. Because in order to truly love him, you have to love yourself......and if you love yourself you're not going to sit back and be with a man who you've caught blatantly cheating.

He is cheating. He is being dishonest with you. You know it....and you know what you need to do.

I dont think he has psyically cheated on me though, it just feels like emotional cheating by flirting and texting her in what to me is an inappropriate way, he hasnt text her for 4 weeks coz he hasnt had credit in that time and he hasnt answerd any of her phonecalls, even the ones which were made when i wasnt even there. I just am really upset he still talked to her after i found out about the whole thing and how upset i was about it, why would he do it??
I just dont feel safe with him now, and he needs to earn my trust back and how is going to do that by acting shifty with his phone?
Arrghhh

**Agony_Aunt** · 10-18-2010 09:51 PM

While he was on holidays, he obviously had to have been spending alot of tie with this girl in order to get to know her so well and even exchange numbers.
And if it was someone who he just met as a "friend" on holidays, i really don't think she'd be ringing him and texting him so much as she is.
I hate to say it but I really think something must have happened between them.

It also sounds like he's playing the other girl and talking away to her all the time when ever he's not with you, and then playing you by turning off his phone when he is with you.
Reason's for that is because the other girl probably rings him a few times per day, and he can't really talk to her while he's with you.

Idea.. Next time she rings, tell him you'd like to talk to her because he said she's a nice girl and you'd like to get to know her a little.
On the phone, introduce yourself an say "Hi, I'm (your name), (his name)'s girlfriend, you seem to be great friends, so I just thought I'd say hello.
Obviously she's going to react and tell you she didn't know he has a girlfriend! This is one way to find out!

**lonestar** · 10-21-2010 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

My instinct here is, he's cheating on you, he's lying to you, he's hiding things from you.......and it's time to trust your OWN instinct and call this relationship quits. This is not just some girl contacting him, this is someone he had something going on with while he was away, and this is someone he knows he's going to talk to and plans to talk to, or else he wouldn't have been carrying his phone around with him all the time.

Yes, he's turning off his phone....but I can gaurantee he's not turning it off when you're not around. He's doing it because he doesn't want you to see her call. He's doing it because then you can't see/hear her texts come in. And I'm sure he's telling her that he's sleeping or working etc....and I'm sure she totally believes him.

You can love someone.....but when it gets to the point where you "love" them enough to accept their cheating ways, then in my opinion its not love anymore...it's co-dependency, insecurity, low self esteem. Because in order to truly love him, you have to love yourself......and if you love yourself you're not going to sit back and be with a man who you've caught blatantly cheating.

He is cheating. He is being dishonest with you. You know it....and you know what you need to do.

Word to your mother. You can't live like that...