Is he selfish or I asked for too much ?

**bsandra41** · 10-19-2010 11:08 PM

My bf and I have been long-distance most of the time in 8 years. He moved to where i live for a year after the first 8 months we start dating. I used to believe that he loves me so much, otherwise he wouldn't move with me. Then he moved back to states then recently moved to TW with me. He's doing his mater now and being busy everyday.

What I want to say about is he's been acting weird recently, but he said he's too busy with the school. One Sunday morning, I called him at lunch time and he didn't answer. I thought he's still in the group meeting ( he told me the the night before, coz I got pissed that I didn't know what he's been doing, we agreed to tell before we are going to do stuff), then I called back after few hrs, still no one answered... then again like 6 at night... no one answered. He finally texted me like 8:30 at night said he's gonna finish his report then call me back soon. What I was pissed about is why can he just answer and told me he's doing something since I've been calling all day?? And it's SUNDAY!!! Is that my problem coz i care too much ?!

**caterpillar79** · 10-20-2010 02:46 AM

Originally Posted by bsandra41

we agreed to tell before we are going to do stuff

There was an agreement, then each responsible person needs to follow through. It is disrespectful to you if he does not notify you ahead of time, since he agreed to do so.

Originally Posted by bsandra41

What I want to say about is he's been acting weird recently, but he said he's too busy with the school.

He could be busy WITH school, or not. Believe what he told you and give him the benefit of the doubt. He's probably stressed about a project or something.

Originally Posted by bsandra41

Is that my problem coz i care too much ?!

You're together for 8 years already, and if I understood correctly, you are living in together? Is that right?

I must admit, I admire you both for being able to keep the relationship that long on occasional long distance. You've been together that long, you don't have to check on him TOO often unless it is rather compelling, i.e. emergency, time-constraint appointment. Calling him once and leave a message or text once to ask how he's doing ONCE, that would be enough. Too much of that is being too needy and it would definitely put off a person.

I guess on this particular situation you described, you cared too much, and you stressed about it. It is important to hold one person accountable to an agreement, but give them time to come around and not be their police.

My advice to you is to stop what you're doing. If he doesn't check in, call or text him once and that's it. If he answers/calls or texts back then good, if not, ask for an explanation when you get together (I don't even do this, and usually, my husband starts telling me in detail what he's been up to all day before I open my mouth).

Tell him your boundaries, share how you feel about this or when he does A or B, without blaming. Back off and always give the man some room, he'll appreciate you more. In the meantime, you focus on yourself - go out, shop, workout, take a stroll in the park, pamper yourself and be happy on your own. A common mistake that we do when we are in a relationship is we (women) tend to stop doing the things we used to do on our own and let our world revolve around the man in our life. Do not be one of them.

Next time this happens, let him be and go out and enjoy your day on your own. That would actually indirectly cause him to gravitate towards you later on.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-20-2010 03:07 AM

Housekeeping

Okay sweet, so 8 years, moved to you, then kept it distant for 7 and then moved back with you..

Can you if you don't mind fill us in over those 7 years?

How many times a year did you see each other, contact was it daily, weekly?

Where was this "group meeting" to have been held? And, have you met the people he meets for this?

A little bit more info may help the members, although Cat gave a great answer with such little information...

CW

**bsandra41** · 10-20-2010 03:42 AM

Thanks, Cat.

First, we are not living together. He just moved here this Sep. And i actually rarely call him, usually he calls me. He bought me magic jerk while he's in states, but i rarey used. And I never checked on him. I've felt that he's been acting weird that was started like 3 months ago, i took time off and visited him in USA. Like I said, we've been together for like 8 years, he used to talk about where we are gonna live after getting marry. But he doesn't talk about it anymore, and when I asked him, he told me he's gonna start the school and he doesn't know what's gonna happen. WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN?
I think that's why I feel insecured and plus he rarely answered the phone since he moved here. Should I give him more room? Does that sound I've been too needy?

**bsandra41** · 10-20-2010 03:49 AM

Thanks CW. Sorry if i gave too less info and sorry if you girls understand my poor english. The past 7 years, he's lived in TW with me for a year, then I moved with him for half year and he's visited me 3 times, and one christmas trip to UK 2 years ago. We talk online everyday with webcam the most time when we are apart. And I never met those group ppl coz he's just start the school this sep.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-20-2010 04:33 AM

We can understand your English

Your doing well.

More questions

So, where does he live?

Did he move for school, from USA to UK?

I'm trying to establish thoughts here, if he was to move from USA to UK, then it has to be either via a visa, working, school, or intentions of marriage.. Then apply for that..

You guys basically talked on webam for all that time with some time together, that's alot of years so distant, how close do you think you two became?

If I can ask, web cam, was it more than just talk? Sorry,

Where is he living? How far away from you, do you live alone?

Just trying to get a picture sweet.

CW

**bsandra41** · 10-20-2010 09:20 AM

So, where does he live?

He lives in the dorm by the school, and he is getting the master degree and learning chinese the same time.

Did he move for school, from USA to UK?

I'm trying to establish thoughts here, if he was to move from USA to UK, then it has to be either via a visa, working, school, or intentions of marriage.. Then apply for that..

He moved to Taiwan not UK. Getting marry has been the goal for us since the second year we've been together, but we were both young that time, I didn't really think about being marry at that age. It's just he doesn't seem to talk about that much anymore.

You guys basically talked on webam for all that time with some time together, that's alot of years so distant, how close do you think you two became?

A lot stuff is hard to explain sometimes since we speak different language. We are still learning... We never really lived together, does that really matter for 2 ppl don't get as close as family ?!

Where is he living? How far away from you, do you live alone?

He lives 2 hrs away from me and I live with my family.