Just found out my Gf was molested, help advice needed.

**calicogirl** · 11-27-2010 03:51 AM

i could be absolutely wrong on this but maybe you both just need to go somewhere away from it all? i moved out of my house at 17 and moved in with my 24 year old before and we spent the last 3 years traveling and you have no idea how good it feels to be in a place where NO ONE knows you. i moved because i had 2 close encounters of being raped. the first i was kidnapped the second was a guy who snuck into my house while i was sleeping. both very close friends i never in a million years thought would do that to me. after i moved to the new place everything started to go down hill then about a year later i moved out and ive never been happier. dont push her. if she wants to talk she'll talk. you need to give her her space on that one. its HARD to talk about. and if u can get the truth out without choking on your tears your a trooper.

**hafs1975** · 01-20-2011 07:48 PM

speaking as a survivor , dont show her your angry , she will prob feel worse because you feel so bad.
tell her you are proud of her for being able to confide in you, tell her you are there for her in any way she needs , dont press her for details , she will tell you what she needs to if/when shes ready, it might never happen, voicing the act is akin to reliving it. make sure you tell her you love her regardless and that when/if she is ready to talk u will listen without judgement , be understanding when she doesnt feel great , ie let her have time out when she needs it , dont wrap her in cotton wool as it were , she,ll prob think something is wrong with her , ask her would she consider councelling and respect her decision ,but if her answer is no ,let her no she can change her mind anytime and you will help/support her if she does.
look after her , you have many hard times ahead but there is fulfilling life after abuse like this , i promise .
my thoughts are with you both xxxx
as a late thought ,dont go committing a violent act against the abuser, how will she feel if you do the time for a beasts crime

**TigersPrettyBunny** · 01-22-2011 09:22 PM

The reaction not to tell anyone is actually quite common in rape cases. It's hard for me to type the "r" word let alone say it as I've been a victim as well. It's the only crime where the victim feels like the criminal. There tends to be feelings of "it's my fault, I wasn't strong enough" when really it's all their fault. No one has the right to treat a woman like an object to be used, abused, and discarded. I think that being molested has severely lowered your g/fs self esteem and crushed her ability to defend herself, hence the additional sexual assault. I would encourage you and her to seek some reading material on healthy boundaries, something that will really encourage her to get up and scream "NO" and "I'm stronger than all of this!" You really need to encourage her to give out the name of the rat b*****d who did this too her and take some martial arts lesson, or just some self defense. That's just my humble opinion

**bertallen** · 01-26-2011 05:30 PM

This is in some ways just like deth to dill with there are certain steps one must go through and you can not skip one.You can not push her through thim. she will not heal in the right if you do. You may need to go and get help for you self to help you to deal with it in doing so you will help her to deal with it to.