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Thread: Can a marraige survive a year or more living apart...?

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    Unhappy Can a marraige survive a year or more living apart...?


    Like many, changing jobs and or locale enters into the picture at some point in a marriage.
    At present hubby is trying to think ahead of the time, being... His job security is iffy, and is looking and refining his resume' to send out to institutions as far away as the west coast. (US)
    This presents a dilema.. I would have to remain behind and try to sell our home, which could take a year or more.. IMO, even in the most stable marriages this could be a problem. But with our history, and 25 years of commitment, it could quite possibly end it.. I am aware that it is a process, and may or may not be as far as the west coast... But it is the living apart.. and WHEN we are together again, (IF we are) what effect will that have on us..?

    I have tried to voice my feelings about the whole picture, not just the living apart. Never before have i voiced and felt such apprehension towards relocation/job... I have always, always positively supported any decision. We have moved at least a dozen times and in 3 states.. So... i have been asking myself, why.. do i feel such apprehension towards this one.??? And i come up with.. his past behaviors, our troubled marriage, and possibly my age. I feel in my heart, that being apart for that length of time will have effects that will be irreversible. He does not see that as a factor, and sees me as being too negative.

    My question would be... Has this happened to you or someone you know.. and yours/their outcome? Can a marriage survive this and continue?

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    I am wondering the same question. I have a boyfriend who has been offered a job in a different state. No problem, I would move with him. I'd only see him once a month for 7 months. Are we strong enough to last? Will I start to lose feelings for him? How do army wives do it...I dont understand. Hopefully we can get some answers.

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    In my mind i try to think of steps i could take now, to help our present and future together. And in turn aid in a positive reaction.. And i am at a loss... (brain is on lock down).. I keep coming back to; I could hold the world on my shoulders wrap it in fine paper with a bow and it would not change a thing. Because i am part of the marriage and he is the other. But i also am of the mindset.." Never give up never surrender!" This situation is new to me and therefor i may not be thinking on all the right channels.. Perhaps some other posters will come to the rescue with a thought or idea... or over the next few days one will present itself to me.
    Perhaps a look into a crystal ball..........???(CW)

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    WH Super Moderator Array sourpuss's Avatar
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    25 years seems like a pretty stable commitment. What makes you think it wouldn't work?
    Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard.

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    I know this is bringing up the past...
    But, there was a time, about 20 years ago.. Hubby was living on campus 3 hrs. away,finishing his masters degree. I was working and paying his way...taking care of our 3 year old and pregnant. He had an affair! That was only 3 hrs. away, and for a few months... That and the online sites, "private life", metting up with old girlfriends......

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    How recent was the online/meeting old gfs stuff? Have you brought that up to him as a fear of yours? That's justified in my opinion.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sourpuss View Post
    How recent was the online/meeting old gfs stuff? Have you brought that up to him as a fear of yours? That's justified in my opinion.
    I only have voiced the generalization... in other words, i stated.." I am concerned about him fooling around"..
    Which he stated to me, he would not.. (It is difficult to trust this, as Trustworthy is not high on his priority list) and i so.... want to be able to do so...

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    I think you just need to sit down and be really frank and open about it all. No holds barred. He needs to know where you are coming from and make a serious effort towards building trust BEFORE and while he is away for it to work. But you can't beat around the bush.
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    There are Real Estate Management companies that can sell you home for you. You can also have a family member or friend show your house and take care of the property for you. There is a Property Management Co. in my town that charges $30 a month to look after your property.

    You can arrange to do automatic bill paying from your checking account for electric and water bills. Both electric and water costs will be minimal if no one is living there. You can have a neighbor kid mow the lawn when needed. There are also ways to have your lights turn on automatically at night and off during the day. so the home doesn't look vacant.

    There also is Month to month Rental, The Lease with option to Buy.. Many ways to be able to go with your Hubby.


    With all these options ...You can move with your hubby if he wants you to go with him.

    My concern would to be why he would not see the options as a positive thing and appreciate and desire that you move with him and continue with your 25 year marriage..


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    SP,

    I believe you are correct. After reading your previous post, i thought about that... Thank you. My mind is muddled and unfocused. I appreciate any feed back. It is helping me..

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