Fight with friend :(

**sensitivesoul** · 10-26-2010 07:09 PM

Hey everyone ,

I'm posting today cause I'm really at a lose of what the heck to do. I am having a fight with my friend and could use some advice. I should start off first by telling you about my boyfriend(whom I adore). We are in a long distance relationship and though sometimes yes it's hard the positives very much out weigh the negatives. Anyway, we've been dating for almost a year (this up coming Jan is one year) and we've just gotten so close... Well as a result I'll probably be moving there (UK) next year from here in Canada. Now here's where things start, I didn't want to hurt my friend to much with moving away so I've slowly started pulling away from her, but now she thinks that it's my bf's fault, that he's been saying not to go out and is abusive but he isn't, he's a good person and now he's in a huffy mood about it to cause now he thinks that I haven't told my friend about him cause of the judgment she's made of him being abusive... I haven't told her much about him but I have told her what I can while we're at work(it's busy so we don't get much time to chat) and now i just dunno what to do . I am sort of at a lose and communication has never been my strong point so... Help!

**Tiptopshape** · 10-26-2010 08:05 PM

Why not write your friend a letter so you can get to say everything you want in there (since you said you have a communication problem). Tell her that you need to do this for yourself because you need to be happy with the one you love and that you need her support very much (because she's also important to you). Even if your friend will still be hurting about you being apart, it's better that she knows you still value her but then you both have to grow up too. Communication is the key, whichever way you apply it.
But before you decide to move out to UK, make sure that you're positive about it 100%. Goodluck, I hope that helps in a way.

**sourpuss** · 10-27-2010 08:04 AM

Why does she think he's abusive?
You don't need to pull away from her because you're moving. If I were in her shoes, that would hurt my feelings too. People move away, it's just part of life. But limiting your time with her just because one day you'll be gone isn't the answer. If you're not wanting to hang out with her for another reason, that's different.
You could take her out for coffee and explain it all and hope that the two of you can patch things up and spend some fun time together before you leave.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-27-2010 10:33 AM

Your intentions may have been good, but you went about it in the wrong way. My feelings would be very hurt if I were here....and I too would be looking for reasons for your behaviour, sudden withdrawal. One of the things that set friends apart from acquaintances is your ability to be honest with that person, share your deepest feelings, experiences etc. The fact that you couldn't go to her and share your exciting news says alot about your friendship. Withdrawing from someone that loves you with no explanation is very hurtful and leaves scars. That person has to sit around and wonder "what did I do wrong?", "why is she acting like this?".......and then that person starts looking for reasons because they sure don't want to think you're just an insensitive "friend", so they come up with possible reasons, "her boyfriend is controlling her and thats' why she's no longer around".......and then you become offended by their thoughts. You should've been honest with her from the get go. Nows the time to sit down with her. Have a girls night, just the two of you, dinner, drinks, whatever.......and talk. Come clean about all this, and why you behaved the way you did.........and if she TRULY means something to you as a friend and you value that friendship, you'll be friends no matter where you live. My best friend moved across the country in 2006, and truly she and I are closer now than we were back then. We talk EVERY day. But her friendship is invaluable to me. You need to decide how valuable your friendship with this girl is.

And if you ARE revolving your entire life around this man, nows the time to stop in your tracks and say "What the H#$% am I doing!?", because that is a bad decision no matter what your relationship is like and no matter how much you love him.

**Lunar Keiki** · 10-27-2010 01:12 PM

I completely agree with everyone--pulling away simply because you are moving away is so hurtful. Why do you think you can't be friends because you don't live in the same place? If it were me, I would be wanting to spend more time with her while I can and create tons of memories. We make friends with people all the time, and we don't know how long it will last. But now with internet, Skype and cell phones, no one is ever really that far apart.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-27-2010 03:34 PM

Your intentions may have been good, but you went about it in the wrong way. My feelings would be very hurt if I were here....and I too would be looking for reasons for your behaviour, sudden withdrawal.

Totally agree.. Friendships are supposed to be exactly that a true friend and in that, someone pulls away and you have to wonder why, it's natural to blame the boyfriend he's controlling is what she meant he's made you stop seeing her....and that's not the case..

With friendships you HAVE to be honest, 100% honest, much like a relationship because it is one...

Tell her why you did it, that you were trying not to hurt her in the event that you do leave in January and so thought it was the best thing to do, but you never intended to hurt her and you never intended to never speak with her again and lose her, rather, just pull the strings away a little so it wouldn't be so bad for either of you when that time came.

CW

**BabyGirl** · 10-27-2010 06:25 PM

Men can come and go, But Best Friends ( What I call Heart Sisters) Last Forever.

For Example.

My Best Friend from Junior High thru High School , I'm talking the late 60's thru Mid 70's, She was Maid of Honor at my Wedding, even though she had moved to be with her Man at the time,
She is my Oldest Sons God Mother ..My son is Now 35. I flew down to be her Maid of Honor when she married her Man.

They Moved again to New York and eventually Divorced, I moved serveral times and also Divorced. I remarried had other children, ( she has never had any children ).

We lost touch about 1984, due to moves and our lives.. I never forgot her and always wondered how she was. Last year, all of a sudden , " Nina" just popped into my mind.. I really don't know why.. She just did. So I took a chance and tried to look her up by her Maiden name & her ex Married name.

There were 4 address & Numbers to her name ( one being her Parents address in No. California, that we grew up in.) She was linked to them in the phone book. I was shocked to find that there was a " Nina" in my State, just a few hours from me that used to live with the Parents I had known from our home town ).
I took a chance, Called the number and asked if she was So & So & lived So & So and told her my Name ..

We spent 3 hours on the phone, 28 years had lapsed. But it was just like we had just seen each other Yesterday. We cried, we shared our " missing " lives.. We both told each other " I TOLD YOU SO " about our Hubbys we Divorced.

And We have Promised to Never lose touch again !! We email or talk/txt once a week ( both very Busy ladies) and we try to get a Physical Together Sister Day at least every few months..

Sooooooo.. Don't give up your Best Friend.. Just explain that you may move, not spend as much time with her, but you will keep in touch and share your life with her, it just may be by email ( we didn't have that then ) or phone (Text ) We didn't have that either & Long distance was very Costly back then..

And Most of All, tell her how much you love her and that you appreciate her and that even though your lives will pull you apart, Physically, she will always remain in your Heart.

Don't wait 28 years to re~live the Sisterhood you have Now !!!