Thread: My wife admitted to me last night that she's emotionally attached to someone

For some more insight on this would you mind talking about what these fights you had in the past were over? Where she left and stayed with family? And what was the final fight over , where she took of her ring... what was the argument based on that lead up to that?

Is she feeling emotionally or sexually neglected by you? Do you feel you have been giving her adequate attention and making her feel special? Not doing so isn't a justification for falling for another man... obviously its better to end a relationship than cheat... but most women won't fall to another mans 'woo-ing' when they are being 'woo-ed' at home.

What I mean is some guys can take their wife/gf for granted , not tell her how pretty she is, how funny she is, how smart, how charming... and most women need to hear those things, need to feel those things... and if they aren't getting it from the man they love, there are other men out there constantly offering those compliments, offering that attention.

I feel so emotionally connected to my boyfriend, he always makes me feel special and adored and when guys attempt to 'know' me... talk to me, to charm me, it FAILS. I pay no attention to it, I don't need it from them. But there have been times where he is ignoring me in that department where if I were of weaker character I could have succumed to someone elses attention.

She's an adult, she has a child with a man she's married to, a man she took a vow to be faithful to. She made a CHOICE to commit to you. In relationships, there are times for all of us that we take our partner for granted. There are times for all of us that the communication is lacking so maybe you're not giving someone what THEY need but you're not even realizing it because they're not communicating with you about what they truly want. When you're with someone you LOVE, you sit down with that person and talk to them about what's bothering you, why you're having these feelings. And if you can't resolve the differences, you agree to move on and divorce.

You WATCHED this woman cheat on you. You watched your wife kiss another man, be touched by another man, have your child around another man. Yet she says she still loves you? She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Whether you've done right or wrong, she's cheating and that is not acceptable. If she's not happy with you, she needs to divorce you rather than cheating on you. I think it's time to put your foot down. You do not deserve this and she shouldn't be able to run around having her fling and then fall back on you when it doesn't work out.

It sounds like you are really trying to solve the issue. I'm not sure I should be one to give " advice " but I am one whom a married man, had an affair with me for a year.... more so on the Emotional relationship he lacked from home. though we did attempt the sexual affair also.

Though there is Right and Wrong, there is also Right FROM Wrong, what I learned and participated in with him, was Emotions. Needing, Wanting, Lack of..

So here's what he didn't get from his wife. Spontaneous Hugs and Touches, Praise, Talking about Dreams.
That In Love Welcome home Smile when he got home, that dropping everything for the kiss and hug and how was your day ?
He felt like a "Paycheck", Granted she had health probs, But he felt un appreciated and Drudgery to even go home.
He said, " shes a good wife, house is clean and I do love her "
But " she doesn't talk, she doesn't make an effort to just be together" It's always a Honey Do List, a I Need list . More a Negative list than a Positive list.

Now to be fair, that is most likely why they had troubles. He was working all day, expected a little love, then be served his dinner or the house perfect or the dogs well groomed & behaved ( they raised Pugs).


You say you are both in school ? You have Fights , over what ? Are they Her Chores and your Chores ?
Do you both share a 50/50 responibilty in the house or do you both just EXPECT certain things.
You mention your 8 month old son. How much of that sons life are you sharing with him & her.

Meaning if she has a late class, do you pick him up early ( if daycared) and take him home, spend time with him, try to have the home welcoming for her homecoming ?

Does she do the same , make sure your son is cared for and ready to spend Time with Daddy once you settle down after work ?

I beleive for whatever reason or circumstances in the past it appears she dont feel she can talk to you and you be there as a partner on her side. Its ok in a relationship I think to have different views but when you take vows you give yourself heart and solely to each other where both parties have to listen and care about the other persons feelings even if they may think there rediculous. Just because you dont feel something is wrong doesnt mean she doesnt. A relationship has to have 2 people that are willing to listen and care about how the other one feels if not there seems to be a lack of respect and if the 2 of you are fighting to the point that she is leaving then your not talking any longer it has become mere stubborness or a P***ing Matchbetween you too. So your not going to accomplish peace until you stop long enough to hear and then care about how your response is going to effect her. If she felt like she could turn to you and rely on you as a partner I dont feel she wouldbe turning to someone else, not that its right but its easy to feel unimportant and alot of women have to know they are heard and that who they are with really cares and is going to be there at any cost. I say this for I am too in very similar situation and my husband still dont hear me no matter how many times I have tried to talk about it and make him understand even through counseling for he just is viewing it from his side and he thinks everything is fine, Why? because im doing my part. Hope this helps

thank you all for responding so far....thank you so much. this is giving me clarity, much of which i need. I intend to answer all your questions but I have an appointment in 30min and there is no way i'll be able to accomplish that honestly and completely. The appointment by the way is with a therapist that I took the initiative of seeing so that I can first get help coping with this (before what I saw last night) and now last nights events. i know i'm not perfect and we both have unresolved issues we brought into our marriage last night, but at this point she has given up and was not even willing to seek counsling after our talk last night. She said, "I'll see a counselor with you but i'll tell them up front that I am not willing to save this marriage"...I mean ouch! that plus what i saw is truely killing me. I'll add more to this story in a few...thanks again.

I had a feeling there would be a lot of intelligent, mature women here that could give me objective perspective without bias.

Your wife's behaviour is nothing short of irresponsible.

If there are issues between the two of you, why is she cheating with this other man she claims she's not cheating with? She claims he'll listen to her. Has she ever heard of counselling? She can be listened to without compromising herself.

There are people who like to make excuses for women, but her behaviour is ridiculous considering she has a family: a husband AND a young child. But you know what, she is 21 years old. How responsible can she be expected to be?

The next thing she'll be doing is telling you that you have taken her life away by marrying her so young. Tsk tsk.

Orlyjr - I agree with the blogger who said she is too young. Yes, 21 is far too young and irresponsible (in most cases; obviously not all!) to be married - especially with a child involved. I think you could have married somebody your own age or even older, as there are lots of 2nd-time-around lovely women with their own children! You have passed the age for a 21-year-old, honestly. Yes, if you love somebody etc. etc., but we need to think with our heads, not just our hearts. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. I agree that your wife/partner acted inappropriately with a child in close proximity. This is grounds enough for you to get rid of her, IMHO!! There are legions of lovely, available women out there of your own age. Truly! But go ahead and get the counselling because your child is the most important person in this equation!! Then, move on and make a better decision to meet somebody your own age.