Thread: I Said The Worst Thing..

I know, I really feel so stupid for saying it. Because I really did confirm his fears. It was the worst thing I could ever had said to him, and I said it.

We had seen each other once since he was back and that day was great, we had really missed each other and enjoyed being together again. But I thought he would understand that my friends are only back for 2 weeks and that I also have a limited time with them. The business trip he took was a once off, he only lives 30 mins from me, so we see each other regularly. My friends are in college in England and I'm in Ireland, so it's harder for me to see them.
I kind of thought he was being un-fair getting upset about not spending time with him over my friends. And then during that argument I stupidly said that to him.
The reason we're not on speaking terms now though is not because I supposedly chose friends over him, but more the fact of what I said to him.

I think this is where the age/maturity/priority difference becomes obvious. Spending time with friends is important but in your late 30s it's less important than it is in your 20s. Like pretzel said, you confirmed his worst fears by your actions, not what you said. Maybe a lesser commitment with someone closer to your own age is better for both of you.

It's not what you said so much as what you did that hurt him.

Originally Posted by WildChild

We all set our priorities. What we do says more than what we say. It looks like you showed where yours are.

You could have gone out with the gfs and had just one or two drinks and then switched to soda or water. Then you'd have been bright eyed the next day and had energy to see him.

From his perspective it isn't a matter of you are young enough to go out to the pubs but maybe too young to choose to exersize self control?

He had no problems with me going out with my friends, and it just happened to be one drink too many. We had went out and really enjoyed ourselves as I havn't seen them in ages and got a little drunk.
But because I was a bit under the weather the next day and I told him I was just going to relax at home, he just simply said how he had been looking forward to seeing me, and I snapped and said that. I kind of had no reason to say it but it felt like he was giving out about me going out with friends for the first time in ages and was making it sound like I had done something worng. So i snapped and said that.
I know then, after I had said it, he certainly wasn't expecting me to come out and say that.
He just replied to me, "Oh, well okay if that's what you want". I tried to explain on the phone that I didn't mean it and then I said I would meet him later and he just said no.

Originally Posted by sourpuss

I think this is where the age/maturity/priority difference becomes obvious. Spending time with friends is important but in your late 30s it's less important than it is in your 20s. Like pretzel said, you confirmed his worst fears by your actions, not what you said. Maybe a lesser commitment with someone closer to your own age is better for both of you.

Maybe I'm getting the wrong point across about the argument. The prevoius day I had told him, me and the girls were going out to this club and so on, and he said that was fine and to enjoy myself, he realises that because I'm younger I will still go out with my friends, and he was came out with us before to, but this time it was kind of "Girls Only".
He was fine with that. And some of teh other guys had gone to his for a poker night.
But the following day when he called, that is when I told him I was going to relax at home and I was tired. He then said, "Ok thats fine, but I was looking forward to seeing you".
I misunderstood it and took it as if he was giving out that I couldn't see him. and that is when I said more a less that "I'm still young, I can do this and I'm not the one in their late 30's".
I don't even understand why I snapped, and i badly hurt him by what I said.
Is their any way to fix this?