Stay or Leave?

**csuth** · 11-02-2010 01:31 AM

Hello,

I am at the point where I am questioning of staying in a 2 year relationship with a man who has been sweet but also more than average aggresive. I have strong feelings for him and could make something work long term, but feel like I might be missing out on something better, someone more respectable and not so aggresive or moody. He has a short temper and explodes at the littlest things which makes him hard to be around. I think he has stress produced depression, but whatever it is he is not taking any actions to change it. He says he is working on it himself (riiiiight). Not only this, but he likes to smoke things other than cigarettes and that's a huge turn off for me. He supports me and pays for my bills, etc. since he has a HIGH paying job, but that's not what love is about. I am confused theres a lot of good and bad in this relationship and I don't know if I should stick it out a bit longer or just get out while I'm ahead.

**lizzardb63** · 11-02-2010 06:02 AM

Give him an ultimatum. Either he gets REAL help and proves to you he is doing something about his mood swings then you're gone. He might not even realize how bothered you are by it. Does he know you don't like him to smoke other things? If he knows, include that in your ultimatum too. Depression is a hard thing to understand though. It's a feeling of losing control and no explanation of your words or actions. You don't want ot be that way, but you can't help it. That is why it is important to get help right away, before bridges are burned. He is a lucky person if he has someone to stick with him and show him he needs help. That's where things go bad, people just give up because they don't understand.

Anyway, I say if he doesn't actually show you he is working on it, you don't deserve to be treated like , because he is obviously well aware of his actions by now.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-02-2010 06:52 AM

Just wondering why you're letting a man support you that you've only been dating for 2 years, just because he has a high paying job? Wouldn't his money be better suited invested or put into savings for the future, while you pay your own bills? On top of that, it gives him way more control than he should have because you're now depending upon him financially too. Why depend on a man you've only been dating for 2 years to that extent? Do you work?

It sounds like he is who he is and there's not much that's going to change that. Some people have high tempers, some people are moody, some people are that way and don't truly want to be any different. Have you considered you two just aren't compatible? Aren't right for each other?

I think you're right. I think it's time to really evaluate your situation with this person.

**sourpuss** · 11-02-2010 07:02 AM

The mood swings and depression are probably in part caused by smoking pot. And I'm willing to bet that he smokes pot because he has mood swings and depression without realizing that it's probably a big part of the actual cause and not actually making it better over all.
I agree with BD, you should be supporting yourself. There's probably a big imbalance in the relationship and I bet he's feeling resentment over it, which could explain the temper thing. Has he always been like this? In my opinion, you're not in a position to give him an ultimatum. If the temper and pot were new since you started dating, then I'd say you have a say. But if that's who he was when you met then you knew what you were getting in to and maybe it's time to move on.

**WildChild** · 11-02-2010 09:08 AM

I would echo BDs comments. Why are you letting him support you? You will have more balance in the relationship when you are paying your own bills. Pot should tend to mellow him out - unless they engineered the stuff to work differently than it did in the 70s. But if it bothers you, he may not be the one for you. Anger management is a real concern, regardless of the cause he needs to learn other coping skills.

With him supporting you, you are hardly in a posistion to be calling the shots. Get out, get employed and then deal with it.