falling hard for my roommate

**bob_smith** · 11-03-2010 03:43 PM

Ok, first off I'm a guy. Anyway, I've managed to go without full sex for 10 years because I'm very religious and I don't believe in sex before marriage. I have gotten a few blowjobs, maybe 5 since then but thankfully i have always been able to resist sex, even when we're in bed together. now, i'm a situation that i just don't see how i can escape from. i've got a very sex roommate and she likes me. pretty much from the first sight i started thinking about her. she occupies a lot of my thoughts. i know in my heart that we would not make a good married couple. she likes sports and isn't very intellectual whereas i love nothing more to do than study. she's also german and i really want to marry someone who is a native english speaker. (i'm living in Germany). i just don't see how i can fight this. i automatically do things that will bring us closer together. yesterday i thought she was going to ask me for help on english and she never did, so i went to bed rather sad about it, but luckily today she asked for my help and i had a great time helping her out. then whenever we're in a conversation i try to drag out as long as i can. now i've even discovered a new trick, during the conversation i can just think of something that we should both look up on the internet together and that leads her into my room where the excitement really happens. i have put a lot of effort into maintaining celibacy for 10 years and it has been very hard. i've to give up all kinds of fun flirts, but i don't see how i can escape from this one.

**LanaBear** · 11-03-2010 03:58 PM

I guess, I don't know, how do you think you would feel after it was said and done with? Will you beat yourself up over it or will your cherish the experience/s and move on with no regrets?

I will admit, I don't understand self imposed celibacy and I think sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship, but to each their own, good for you.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-03-2010 04:06 PM

Did you feel guilty about your previous oral sex encounters? Although it's not penetration it's still a very intimate and private act.

but i don't see how i can escape from this one

Don't fool yourself into believing this is not in your control. If you truly don't believe in penetrative sex until marriage, and you in no way see yourself marrying a woman such as herself, then it's merely physical infatuation/lust and will inevitably lead to regret for you. Plus, since she's your roomate, it's likely to lead to some problems with your living arrangement.

**WildChild** · 11-03-2010 04:37 PM

I really can't offer much on this. I personally see NO value in virginity and really don't get the whole no sex/religion thing. We have a number of members who do understand this kind of thinking. I'm sure some will have advice to offer.

**bob_smith** · 11-03-2010 05:01 PM

Originally Posted by LanaBear

how do you think you would feel after it was said and done with? Will you beat yourself up over it or will your cherish the experience/s and move on with no regrets?

I certainly will regret it but then again out of all the physical encounters i've had over the last 10 years, around 20, there was one that i didn't really regret. her name was Lina and there's a possibility that we could get married but she is not the ideal woman for me, even though she's the best that i've come across so far. we mostly did not get married because she's too pro-war, and i'm very anti-war. we had one physical encounter and i guess i liked it, but i'm not sure.

**bob_smith** · 11-03-2010 05:04 PM

hey beautiful disaster, did you used to live in phoenix? i used to have a myspace friend named beautiful disaster that lived in phoenix, or maybe it was tucson.

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Did you feel guilty about your previous oral sex encounters?

yes, i did. i'm real upset about it, especially the last one, for reasons that i won't go into right now.

it's merely physical infatuation/lust and will inevitably lead to regret for you. .

this is probably true.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-03-2010 06:20 PM

yes, i did. i'm real upset about it, especially the last one, for reasons that i won't go into right now.

Sooooo... what makes you think that an actual sexual intercourse encounter would make you feel any less guilty and bad? Just because she's hot and you're lusting after her? I'm sure you thought the other ones were hot too....at the time.

And no, I'm from Kentucky.

**bob_smith** · 11-03-2010 07:54 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Sooooo... what makes you think that an actual sexual intercourse encounter would make you feel any less guilty and bad? Just because she's hot and you're lusting after her? I'm sure you thought the other ones were hot too....at the time.

And no, I'm from Kentucky.

The thing is I know this won't make me feel good in the end, but I can't resist doing it. It's the classic line from Saint Paul: I do the things I don't want to do, I fail to do the things I want to do.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-04-2010 06:28 AM

The thing is I know this won't make me feel good in the end, but I can't resist doing it. It's the classic line from Saint Paul: I do the things I don't want to do, I fail to do the things I want to do.

It's your choice. It's not out of your control. You can resist doing ANYTHING you don't want to do.

But if you're certain this is what you're going to do, if you "cant resist" doing it....... then...........well....dare I ask what kind of advice you're seeking?

**bob_smith** · 11-06-2010 07:24 AM

I'm going to post updates on the progress i'm making with my roommate. the next step i'm going to take is asking out for a drink. if she says yes, then we're making progress, if she's says no, then i might have to forget about her. i'm confident that she will say yes.