I need some perspective here...

**lonestar** · 11-04-2010 03:42 PM

OK, so a while ago I posted a thread about how my bf's BFF is a girl. I believe she is secretly in love with him- refer to my post if you want to know more, this is the nutshell.
They post stuff on each other's facebook saying they miss each other, it's been too long yada yada...
the other day he made a comment that irked the h ell out of me. Tell me what you would think:

We were waiting on an appointment and talking about something when he looks at me and says (out of NOWHERE mind you.) "You are a lot like Gretchen (the friend). She's a move buff just like you..." and he goes on to make other comparisons of us. I stand there, my blood boiling with every comment when he finishes I just kind of laughed and said "Great, so I'm a replica of Gretchen." and when he didn't say anything I walked away. He never brought it up, so I am not sure what he thinks about it- I'm pretty sure he got the message though.
But this has been a constant problem in our relationship. He gets defensive whenever I bring it up. I wish this girl did not EXIST. It puts a strain on our relationship sometimes. He has told me he is not attracted to her, but after all the similarities we share it makes me feel like he was looking for her... a her that he was attracted to. Was he thinking of her when he chose me??
This is bothering me. Some perspective would be helpful... doesn't help that he told me he was going to hang out with her for a couple days when he goes back home for Thanksgiving... I know I can't bring it up though. help?

**lizzardb63** · 11-04-2010 03:50 PM

I think you should trust your boyfriend. If you don't then your relationship doesn't have a backbone. My boyfriend has a best friend who is also a girl. They act different around each other than he does around me, but that's because I am his girlfriend. They text and call each other, but he reassured me he doesn't like her at all, just as friends, and that he loves me. So...I believe him. What other choice to I have? Drive myself nuts, or just enjoy the man that I have.
Maybe you need to just say that you don't care for him "compairing" you both, but perhaps he is trying to point out similarities to try and get your approval of her, showing you that she isnt "that bad"?? Or perhaps, you jsut have good qualities as a person and its more of a compliment because he sees his friend as someone with good qualities. I think you just need to talk to him about it...but if you ultimately don't trust him then i am not sure.

**lonestar** · 11-04-2010 04:00 PM

I am not sure that trust is the issue. I am a pretty insecure person to begin with. She was not that nice to me when we met and has not made any effort to be friends with me. I have tried too- I wanted to be the bigger person because it made him happy. But this girl...she is in love with my BF.
I try not to care (I actually have a mantra that I say, haha), but it just happened while he was talking. the rapid heartbeat, the adrenaline... I just want this feeling to go away whenever she comes up. I REALLLLY don't want to care. I just don't like feeling like he was looking for someone like her when he was looking for a GF... feels like I'm Gretchen 5.0 or something...don't like it.