Emotionally & physically attached to the wrong guy...

**DREAM** · 11-06-2010 02:01 PM

I have a close friend and we have developed a strong emotionally and physically connection. The problem is I know that he is not someone I can have a long term relationship with. He gets really close to me when we are together....but tends to distance himself immediately afterwards.....like he needs space to think. He will then start emailing me again saying how much he misses me & wants to see me. He does plan on moving away from the area and I know he doesn't want either of us to fall for the other too much or get hurt. He is also afraid of committment and really overthinks everything. While I really enjoy our time together....I tend to get disappointed, hurt and tense afterwards.....probably because of the initial disconnect and the mixed/confused emotions I feel from him.

The problem is that I really miss him alot when I don't see him for awhile. He is a great guy and friend and I really do care for him alot. I feel a void when he is not around. We also have some great chemistry and I don't remember the last time someone kissed me like he does.

I just wish it all wasn't so difficult and I knew what to do.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-06-2010 02:21 PM

Hi dream, welcome to the Forum..

You've pretty much outlayed your exact feelings, thoughts and diagnosis

The old saying we want what we can't have, coupled with great chemistry and the desire for more, will equal missing "that" , the chemistry, connection and laughter.

You want someone who is going to be around more don't you? Someone you can grow with and call your boyfriend? Unfortunately, entering into the "doesn't want us to fall for the other person too much", will cause pain because one of you will and you will get hurt.

I'd focus on dating, going out, meeting others and maintaining just the friendship...

Good chemistry is fantastic, but if that's all it is, you will always feel used one day, whilst the other person disconnects immediately afterwards and leaves your "space" for days on end, maybe even a couple of weeks, only to email, phone, and want to see you, where the chemistry immediately takes president again, ....... you have to acknowledge what it is he wants, and that he's made it clear that this is not going to go anywhere.

Don't sit around waiting and hoping something else will eventuate... Get out there and have a life, you are worth more and someone else is just waiting to meet you...

CW

**BabyGirl** · 11-06-2010 09:13 PM

Hi Dream..

As C.W. Said, you have basically made a Decision of what you know is happening now and what you know or suspect will happen in the future.

You and he are both wanting a future with someone that has the same qualities as you both see in each other. You both know that you will not allow yourselves the " Connection" that you have now. The wanting, the sharing, the loving and being together.

And as C.W. says, we want what we cannot have.. But I will add the fact that sometimes we lose what we do have. So.. you can take your wants, his and yours, enjoy and support each other in gaining the happiness you both seek.

Have you every thought about the Words Best Friend ( opposit or same sex ) is FB if put in a different light )

**DREAM** · 11-07-2010 04:25 PM

Thank you both for your advise and I do agree I should just keep our relationship a friendship.

I will try not to put myself in a situation that could lead us back into the chemistry connection again. Once sucked back in it - it is difficult to stop.

**SarahBear2010** · 11-22-2010 06:54 AM

Im in the same boat too. Told the guy we can only be friends and let him do the contacting when he wants to talk to me

**Colorado** · 11-22-2010 07:33 PM

Ever heard the saying "love will find a way?"

Almost sounds to me like you both may be denying your true feelings due to the pending move and such. You say (to paraphrase) that the bells ring when you kiss, you have great chemestry, you miss each other alot...
Re-examine the reasons you seem to distance yourselves from each other - is it the fear of the move? or anything similar? Or are you really sure that you could never be more than friends?

If it's simply the move, then you should not give up on your dreams of being together, and stop denying your love for one another as love CAN find a way.

**evaone** · 11-25-2010 12:28 AM

maybe because he knows that you can't be together for good. i think he is afraid of commitment and for me it's not ideal to have him who does'nt know responsibilities.

**DREAM** · 11-26-2010 12:44 PM

He is definitely afraid of commitment and intimacy. I haven't seen him in weeks but we do talk alot by email.

I can even get frazzled by his emails....he will email me telling me about his day, etc. Then he start emailing me about how he misses me, desires me and wants to see me.....(but stopped telling me about his day to day activities). Then he started getting kind of short with me and I did ask him if he was mad or what was wrong. I then got email from him telling me that he needs to gather his thoughts and feelings so he can best expess to me what he is feeling. I never responded back. Sometimes it is difficult even being his friend. He definitely can't be friends....and have the sexual element there at the same time....it has to be one or the other.

I sometimes wonder if he needs to distance himself from me because he wants what he fears....the intimacy and connection. The one time in the middle of a really intimate moment he said he needed to go.....and left. He continually questions how we could not move forward on something this intense.......yet you can just tell the fear is paralyzing him.

It would never work out long term anyways......so I should just forget about him. For some reason I just can't....