I feel like I shouldn't be bothered by this...but I am.

**asiangrace** · 11-06-2010 11:21 PM

My boyfriend and I have been in a committed and loving relationship for two year. When we are just the two of us, we joke around about hot girls and strip clubs. I have solid self-confidence and don't get intimidated or jealous over other hot women and I can completely appreciate a woman's beauty and body. I am bi-curious anyways, so it allows me to openly talk about women with him.

However, when we are with friends or just with another couple, he'll still make references to strip clubs and hot women. It bothers me then. The usual couple that we spend time with are not in to strip clubs and she has a very low-self esteem and it would devastate her if her husband ever mentioned another female. (I am not saying that if a woman gets jealous or nervous by the mention of another hot woman, then she automatically has low self-esteem...this is just the case with my friend). I am sure it is uncomfortable for them and I'm uncomfortable with him carrying on our home conversation around other people.

I feel like him talking about this in public shouldn't bother me as much as it does. I think part of it stems from I know that our friends are uncomfortable with it. Also, I am a huge advocate of honoring one another in home and in public. We'eve been together for over two years and never once have we ever had any kind of spat or argument or disagreement while in public. If we have something to say, we wait to until we're just the two of us as to not embarrass the other one. In a way, I feel like him referencing a hot woman or strip club is dishonoring me. I only feel like this when he does it with friends, but not when we're alone.

I can't make sense of this. I want to go talk to him about it but I don't know how to bring it up. It doesn't makes sense that if he can talk about it openly with me at home then why does it irritate me in front of other people?

Help!!!!

**Allie602** · 11-07-2010 12:13 AM

Give him a chance to fix it. He has no idea that you don't like to have these things discussed in public. Your feelings don't have to be logical, they are what they are but he can't possibly know how it is affecting you. I am certain that he would not want you to feel bad.

Just a suggestion but this may be why you are bothered by him public talk, first it not appropriate or considerate with others because it makes them uncomfortable and it may make you feel that he is revealing to other people that you are not enough for him. Of course you both know that is not the case but, other people don't. It's a simple enough request and quite reasonable. Tell him how you feel, don't delay, why put yourself through all of this angst when it's such an easy fix?

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-07-2010 08:21 AM

If you haven't yet told him about this... he can't possibly be expected to know.... don't let it grow into a resentment simply tell him. He sounds like he is loving in respectful in all your other posts about him so I'm sure if he knows something makes you uncomfortable he wont do it. He probably just feels proud of the fact he has a gf that isn't jealous and insecure and is maybe 'showing off' a bit... either that or just doesn't realize how it might appear to the other couples.

Simply say honey, I'd rather you didn't talk about other girls, or stripclubs or things like that in front of other couples ... I end up feeling a bit embarassed. I bet it would cease to happen anymore.

**kygirl** · 11-08-2010 07:31 AM

I totally agree with everyone else. The one thing I've learned is that men are pretty simple. They aren't mind readers and they rarely read between the lines. You don't want to let this fester without telling him that it is bothering you. I'd just mention it and I am sure he will change his behavior in no time flat

**Seniora** · 11-10-2010 02:35 PM

You're right, kygirl, men don't read between the lines!! Having said that, I think this man is behaving like a dork and needs to have his head pulled in! I think this kind of discussion could show some kind of insecurity in the male - having to prove sexual prowess in front of another male! I think there is another agenda going on here. Furthermore, it is in front of one who is inhibited in that direction!! I never like this kind of talk, full stop. It isn't a good "look". I would be trying to find out what's at the bottom of it. Bringing private bedroom sex talk out into a public arena has a definite yuk feel about it. Discuss it with him at once and try and find out WHY he does it in the first place. It could be he is subliminally trying to instigate GROUP sex, for example? Believe me, there are ALL SORTS of sexual behaviours out there and I've heard about them all from people over my many years.