Thread: Why not guy friends?

So, you are saying that my friendship with my guy friend who is married is totally inappropriate? That one day we WILL cross the line, and we have nothing to talk about nor are we allowed to have a good time together....because he's marred?

No offense....[edit rude comment]. Clearly you have jealousy issues if you can't accept men and women having friends of the opposite sex even AFTER marriage.

Just because a women or man is married doesn't mean that they can only be that, only talk to their wife/husband, only go out with them or other married couples.

Life and friendships do not end when you get married....I would never even consider cutting out my guy friends just because I had a BF or was engaged.

[edit rude comment]

Hey, Surfergal, go easy, this blogger just wants to UNDERSTAND. There are many people out there who don't understand friendships between the sexes as being precisely that. Plenty of males share this view too: that sexual tension will always be present is a hugely controversial area in human understanding. My daughter thinks like you do, but she's only 27 and inexperienced. This is a far more complex issue than meets the eye.

What "I said it once" says is quite right to make somebody feel insecure - engaged to be married and trying to seek out female friends right at that time does sound suspicious, but I had a male friend in the same situation. This was in the 1970's and he and I were living at the same boarding house. We were the greatest of mates, even when my (now) husband came into the picture - we were sometimes out as a three-some, but he did see his fiance on weekends as she lived 100km away at the time. We never had the slightest sexual thing between us - just a great rapport, lots of jokes and talks about our relationships, as well as nicknames: we called each other "Mouldy".

Some men need to talk about their feelings and other men just don't know how to do that. I've had males as friends all my married life - I enjoy them hugely - and they never, ever (oh, except once) were sexual in nature. My husband is a sensitive man and he's had lots of female friends over the years. This has never been a problem as I've always known about them and, well, so what? But please try and understand that some females and males don't have these kinds of bonds between the sexes and find it hard to understand. Be suspicious, yes, but also open to the idea that these things CAN successfully happen. You'll soon enough find out if the motive is anything but honest.

How sad that you think your 27 year old daughter is inexperienced. She's an adult, and clearly knows that things are not black and white anymore.

I resent that you think someone who is almost in their 30's is inexperienced. I'm 28, and have been through a heck of a lot in this world. Enough to know that just because one person has a penis and one person has a vagina doesn't mean that sex has to happen or there needs to be any awkward tension.

Didn't sound like the "blogger" wanted to understand anything. She points out that when men and women are friends they go on "dates" when they hang out. Really? So today when I went to lunch with my male co-worker who is a friend we were on a date? And when I met up with one of my best friends last night for dinner (who is also male) we were on date? Wow.....I didn't know I dated so many guys! Yes there are men out there who get themselves in relationships with women and then look for action on the side, but for every 1 of those that are out there, there are 100 guys who genially just want friendship. A person can never have too many friends.

I understand people think differently, I do. But I don't want any other women on here thinking she can't have male friends or her BF or husband can't have female friends without there being a reason why they are friends. A friend is a FRIEND....you shouldn't judge someone's friendship based on their sex. Period.

Surfergal, you need some lessons on sensitivity and compassion for others who think differently than you.

I am going to ask you nicely to stop reply to this post becase you’re not welcome. This is my post. I am requesting someone who is older than 40 to reply.

Posters come here seeking help to achieve acceptance, understanding, clarity, guidance - various noble, humane reasons in order to address the difficult situations they are handed.

Please remember everyone that this is a respectable forum. This thread would be closed if decorum is not practiced by participants/posters of this thread.

Caterpillar - I don't believe I said anything disrespectful at all. Be careful whom you sweep up with your chastising comments.

I was trying to sympathise with the blogger who started this Thread. I stick by what I said: maturity comes with many, many years of experience - that is one of the FEW benefits of aging. We see things so very very differently as we age and one thing becomes clear; life is far more complex than simply black and white. I hope the original blogger was able to read my contribution and take it on board.