Thread: Still in my head

Hello everyone,

I'm new here and there's something that keeps my mind occupied and it's bothering me.

Me and my ex-boyfriend have had a relationship for 2,5 years which has ended 3 years ago. It was really hard for me in the beginning but we still had contact almost every day and we still went to bed with each other. Even when he had new girlfriends. (I know that I should not help him cheat). During the 3 years he went abroad for 3 months and I for 6 months and the contact wasn't that much any more. Maybe once in a month that we talk to each other now.

He's now been together with a girl for over a year now. She knows I'm his only other serious relationship and he told here that I'm always going to be special for him so she doesn't want him to have any contact with me. But we're still talking to each other and until September we still had sex with each other. He tries to end this. I'm not sure why but he told me something about a talk with his dad who told him that at one point in your life you have to start getting serious and about the possibility he will lose he's job if he and his girlfriend break up (they work together).

I thought I would be fine with this but it's becoming really hard for me. I saw him last weekend on a quiz we both went. (I didn't know he was participating and so did he.) And afterwards I felt so bad. We just had some small talk and he thought it went great but that was just because I was trying not to show how I feel. He also told me he wanted to text me to meet afterwards alone but he restrained himself.

I try to tell myself he's no right fit for me. And I try to find things why he's no good for me but the only thing I can come up with is the fact he doesn't like to travel by plain because of the fact he is scared of flying. We tried to talk about it but every time I'm saying that I don't want him back because I know all the things he did to his girlfriends after me (not that he did any of those things to me in our relationship) and I don't know if I could trust him. And then he says something that it would not work because too much has happened between us and he has an agreement with his best friend that the both of them wont start a new relationship with the one serious ex girlfriends they have had.

I really don't know what to do. On one point I went on with my life and I had a new boyfriend but this didn't work out (not because of my ex) and I was sure I was over him but I was wrong. (When this relationship was almost over he asked me to try again with him but I refused.) I know that not having any contact would be the best but I tried this already (for 9 months) and it's not that we are having that much contact now but still I'm thinking about him everyday. He also asked me if we would still have contact if one of us would move to an other country because he doesn't want me out of his leave completely. And I have also thought about the fact he's maybe using me but we have been in a lot of fights since we broke up and I have been a really . So if it was just for the sex he could have easily found someone that is easily pleased.

I can't talk about this with my friends because they don't understand. So that's why I'm doing my story here. Thanks for reading it.