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Thread: Feeling compared / Second best Advice!!!

  1. #1
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    Default Feeling compared / Second best Advice!!!

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    Hi

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 14months now, he has a lovely family however we don't see them that often, my boyfriend pops on his way home from work but we always get together at birthdays etc.
    Anyway, he was dating the same girl for nearly seven years they lived together for two. She walked on him two and half years ago. We have a fantastic relationship. We were at a family gathering at the weekend and his mum called me by his exes name, she apologised and my boyfriend was very annoyed and he has explained to me it was probably a slip of the tongue and there is no warm feelings between them and the ex and his mum doesn't think before she speaks. I just feel really hurt and upset, and feel I am being compared too or even second best!
    My boyfriend was upset himself because I was and he explained I will not be compared too or I shouldn't feel second best. That his family like me and I'm a good influnence on him and they can see he's a lot happier. But I just can't forget it happening, do I just forget about it and accept it was the slip of the tongue.

  2. #2
    WH Super Moderator Array sourpuss's Avatar
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    She messed up and called you by the wrong name. No biggie. Remember, for 7 years this other woman was the one at the family gatherings. People mess up and call others the wrong names all the time. My dad calls me my brother's name, I've called my boyfriend by my exs name, and he's done the same to me.
    No one was actually comparing you to anyone, doesn't sound like it at all. This is insecurity in your own head. Don't make it out to be something that it isn't, especially don't get your boyfriend and his mother involved in a fight, you'll be the one to lose on that one.

    simple slip of the tongue, she apologized. Let it go.
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  3. #3
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    Yep, you do "need to forget about it and accept it as the slip of the tongue"

    Just as SP said above...."simple slip of the tongue, she apologized. Let it go." I would add...get over it...by the time you finsih reading this post.

  4. #4
    WH MODERATOR Array Beautiful Disaster's Avatar
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    Ahh, I know how ya feel. I used to get called "Angie" regularly when I started dating the guy I later became engaged to. He married her after like 2 months of dating, and they were only married a year, but even 2 years into our relationship, I'd periodically get called her name. I got called Angie by his parents, his grandparents, uncles, aunts, even the pastor of our church. It HURT. And I couldn't do a thing about it. I did, however, take it out on my boyfriend which was wrong, cause there wasn't anything he could do about it either. It meant nothing. They couldn't stand her. But they had gotten so used to associating her name with his, that it just slipped off the tongue. Eventually, it passed and no one ever did it again. After we broke up and he got with someone else, I wondered how many times she got called my name.

    I know it's upsetting, but I don't think you're being compared in ANY way. It's just humans...making errors, but most likely not purposefully or with any intent to hurt you.

    I'm now dating my 3rd or 4th guy whose name begins with a J. I REALLY have to watch myself because there have been times when in conversation I ALMOST said an exes name instead just because they start with the same letter and as they come out of my mouth, they start out of the same "J......"

    So..........choose your battles wisely my dear. This will pass with time.

    "Be what you're looking for."

    "The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."



  5. #5
    VIP Member Array SSDS's Avatar
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    I think you might be better off just letting it go. Based on your own words, it appeared to be a slip. It happens. His mom probably wished she had never said it. Unless you find this "mistake" happening often, I would try to forget it. Plus your boyfriend seemed to understand why you were upset. This is a good thing

    My ex's cousin once came to visit while we were together. She had a few drinks and proceeded to call me by his previous girlfriends' name the rest of the night, laughing every time, and my ex never said anything about it. THAT's when you know there is a problem.

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    SEPTEMBER 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array BabyGirl's Avatar
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    Imagine this..
    My Daughters Wedding, 7 1/2 years ago. Divorced from her Father 24 years ago. He comes to the Seattle are with his " Woman" that I knew that he knew that were " together while he & I were Married"
    We are all " friends "after all of thes years ..

    Wedding Dinner ( BBQ) I'm serving up food as Mother of the Bride.., They are sitting at a Table and Out of the BLUE !!


    Comes a Gawddamitt , " My Name " , hers starts w/ a different letter .. Lol , But Back then He called us all HONEY, so he wouldn't mix up our names..

    She.. who flew up here with him and has been with him almost 13 years..

    Amazingly just said " Sweetie , thats the Ex~ wife and if you call me by her name after all these years, Then I know " Honey " did a great job in raising " Our " Daughter.. His Honey/my friend .. then came over , gave me a Hug and Sad to say .. He didn't get Laid on that trip ..

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    So it does Matter who calls you " Honey"

    It and It Does matter who calls you Friend/ Lover/ Baby..
    And with Everything.. It takes more Time to " UNLOVE " Than it does to Real LOVE !!!









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    Thanks for the advice guys, I just feel I will always be second best in their eyes.

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array JustHormonious's Avatar
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    It has nothing to do with you being second best, or that they like the other girl better. It is as everyone else has said, just a slip of the tongue. I have done this myself with both of my son's girlfriends.
    Before you talk about what you want ~ Be happy with what you have

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