Advice

**Balli** · 11-16-2010 02:55 PM

Hi,
Just wondering what any of you guys think? I am going out with my boyfriend for nearly 4years!! We have had our ups and downs but in general more ups than downs... The recession has hit my country and he is not working for the last two years.. I on the other hand have a very good career and its developing all the time... Because he is not working we cant plan anything together... Now he wants to move to Australia and he wants me to come... I feel pressured to go as I do not want to loose him and the only way I can keep him is moving to Oz!! My problem is that I am making a massive comittiment leaving my family who I am so close to and my very good job for him and yet I feel I doing this all for him and what am I getting...I took the courage to ask about marriage and he said he would not be ready,,,,, i just am confused............. He says sometime he may be ready, but it will be on his terms... SO am I meant to wait for his comittment when it suits him ???? He believes wanting me in Oz should be enough comittment for me!!!!!!! Please advice

**BabyGirl** · 11-16-2010 07:04 PM

If it were me, I would offer him a Compromise. Tell him to go to Oz ahead of you, Get settled, then you can possibly think of moving there if you were to marry or he feel Committed and be able to support you for possibly 2 years as you may not find a job if you give up this one for HIM..

Then Again..

Does he have an offer for work in OZ or is this just a Whim or Job Search ?
If not ..How is he planning to afford moving to OZ, if he has no job ? Where will he stay ? Who will support him while he finds a job ? Has he researched the joblessness in Oz compared to your Country ?

Is there a reason he can't find work in your Country? 2 years is a long time to be unemployed. But even in this Sad Economy here in the USA, people can find a part time job, usually for minimum wage & some work up in the Company, like McDonalds food chain or even what we call " Day Labor", which is random jobs that can be for 1 day, a week or even a month.

You do a Good job and many get hired on permenantly.
I know people that have 2 or 3 Part time jobs, some post ads to clean houses or do yard work or painting,fixing things, Anything to get a few bucks a day.

I'm sorry, but it sounds to me like he is living off of you, even if you don't live togteher.. Who pays for Dates, or Food or Movies or Special things , if he does not work ?

To Me it seems he isn't making a true effort to help bring in income to your relationship...

Then is there is a reason he is un~employable. If which is true, he will have the same problem no matter what Country he moves to.

In my opinion, if after 4 years together and 2 of those being with him not bringing or earning any money into your relationship. And he is or will not be " Ready " for marriage even if you dropped everything for him, Job Security, Family ..... He is just using you, Not Loving & Sharing with you, not Planning a Future with You ..

It sounds like he is wanting to " Live with and Off of You" with No COMMITMENT and NO SECURITY.

Girlfriend..

I'd just tell him you love him but cannot drop your whole ...Secure in Job & Family /Friends Life to go Galavanting to a new Country , on the Whim of a Man who is Not Ready to Commit and Not "Ready" to Secure a productive Life and Future for you BOTH .

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-16-2010 07:17 PM

No COMMITMENT, No MOVE. It's that simple!

This guy wants to have it both ways. What does he have waiting for him in Australia? A job?

I wouldn't go unless you have a COMMITMENT.

**Cheese5318** · 11-16-2010 07:48 PM

I'm with Seeker_Advice...he shows no committment, ie.. dating for 4 years, so why should you make that big sacrifice to move to Australia? I'm sure there's other more-deserving guys for you closer to home.

**WildChild** · 11-16-2010 08:49 PM

Why have you stayed with him all this time?
Why would you give up your career?
This sounds like a really bad plan.

**Lunar Keiki** · 11-16-2010 11:05 PM

I so would not go. He has nothing to offer you and you have everything to lose. I know you love him, but where is this going? Why would you give up everything for no commitment, no stability, no marriage? I am not sure why you have stayed with him all this time--you sound like you have so much to offer a relationship and he doesn't.....

**Balli** · 11-17-2010 02:20 AM

Hi,
Thanks for this guys I am really confused.... He basically has said to me that he feels his comittment to me is asking me in the first place to come to Australia with him. He is a Quantity Surveyor and the current climate there is no work in my country for them. He says he would marry me but he is not ready yet. I am 30in January and he is 27 which I feel could be an issue.. Oh I dont know my head tells me one thing and herat another........

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-17-2010 07:45 AM

Marriage is a big commitment, sure. But so is giving up your career and the close proximity to your family. What he's saying doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Obviously you never want to force someone in to marriage, so I would not bring up marriage again. When someone proposes to you, you want it to be because it's what they want heart and soul...... not because they feel like they might lose you unless they do.

If it were me, there'd be no way I'd give up a career that was going great, especially in tough economic times like they are. And especially not for someone who just got a whim to move with no promise of a job. That's asking ALOT of someone you say you're not ready to marry. Plus, why would marriage be on HIS terms? Shouldn't it be on both of your terms?

I'd take this as a sign. And I'd let him move on his merry way. Tell him how much you love him, but that it would be totally foolish of you to give up your career to move somewhere and start over, when he doesn't even have a job lined up. Make sure he understands the risk involved for you, and that you in no way want to force anyone into marriage, but that if he's not ready to make that kind of promise to you, then you're not ready to give up everything you've worked for.

**sourpuss** · 11-17-2010 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by Lunar Keiki

I so would not go. He has nothing to offer you and you have everything to lose. I know you love him, but where is this going? Why would you give up everything for no commitment, no stability, no marriage? I am not sure why you have stayed with him all this time--you sound like you have so much to offer a relationship and he doesn't.....

I agree 100%!
You have a stable, good career. Why give that up? If he really wants to be with you, he would be on the same page, and he's not.
My advice would be to let him go, and stay where you are, keep making your life better and focus on your career and yourself. Even if he was committed to you, I still think it's a bad idea for you to go.

**PandaPaws** · 11-18-2010 04:39 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Marriage is a big commitment, sure. But so is giving up your career and the close proximity to your family. What he's saying doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Obviously you never want to force someone in to marriage, so I would not bring up marriage again. When someone proposes to you, you want it to be because it's what they want heart and soul...... not because they feel like they might lose you unless they do.

If it were me, there'd be no way I'd give up a career that was going great, especially in tough economic times like they are. And especially not for someone who just got a whim to move with no promise of a job. That's asking ALOT of someone you say you're not ready to marry. Plus, why would marriage be on HIS terms? Shouldn't it be on both of your terms?

I'd take this as a sign. And I'd let him move on his merry way. Tell him how much you love him, but that it would be totally foolish of you to give up your career to move somewhere and start over, when he doesn't even have a job lined up. Make sure he understands the risk involved for you, and that you in no way want to force anyone into marriage, but that if he's not ready to make that kind of promise to you, then you're not ready to give up everything you've worked for.

+1. And really, after 4 YEARS, he's still not ready?

I'm sorry he's dragging you along like that. Maybe it will be a wakeup call for him when you say you're not going under the current circumstances, unfortunately he might not learn from his mistake on you, maybe for the next girl.

Thread: Advice

LinkBack

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Display

Advice

Thanks

Similar Threads

need advice

advice

Advice

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions