Thread: Is my boyfriend cheap or am I expecting too much?

Thanks to all of you for your answers.

I think I am just scare to death to be alone. The fact that I am an inmigrant and don´t have any relatives living in this country makes me feel very vulnerable. It´s like: where will I spend Christmas?.

I´ve thought many times about leaving him, and three times I had a rent contract in my hands. However, seeing him cry and telling me how much he cares made me give up my plans. He used to become better for 3-4 moths, but eventually he will give me some B*sht (always related to money or how lucky I am by living with him)

I lived alone for two years in my own apartment and it was terrible. I´ve never felt so lonely in my life. Before that I was living in a student apartment with other people. Life as a student is compleatly different than working. I had more time and there was always something to do/someone to hang out with.

I looked at an apartment today, but it was so little. I felt sad at once. I´ve applyed for a student apartment, but it can take some time to get an answer.

I understand being scared to be alone, and I can't imagine how much lonelier it feels to be by yourself in a foreign country. But at the same time, being afraid to be alone is not a good or healthy reason to stay with someone. Do you have close friends around that can give you emotional support? People from work or school?

It sounds like this is his pattern: You get ready to leave him, he gives you the same teary speech about how he cares (which he probably does..but not enough to appreciate your feelings and give you what you need), and you take pity and change your mind. It's a common cycle, but unfortunately it never ends.

Keep your chin up, stand your ground, and be strong. Just because he doesn't respect you, it doesn't mean that you don't have to respect yourself.

Originally Posted by Daniela73

Thanks to all of you for your answers.

I think I am just scare to death to be alone. The fact that I am an inmigrant and don´t have any relatives living in this country makes me feel very vulnerable. It´s like: where will I spend Christmas?.

I´ve thought many times about leaving him, and three times I had a rent contract in my hands. However, seeing him cry and telling me how much he cares made me give up my plans. He used to become better for 3-4 moths, but eventually he will give me some B*sht (always related to money or how lucky I am by living with him)

I lived alone for two years in my own apartment and it was terrible. I´ve never felt so lonely in my life. Before that I was living in a student apartment with other people. Life as a student is compleatly different than working. I had more time and there was always something to do/someone to hang out with.

I looked at an apartment today, but it was so little. I felt sad at once. I´ve applyed for a student apartment, but it can take some time to get an answer.

While it is scary to be alone, nothing is even worse than being made to feel insignificant after being promised the other way around. I was once in your situation about a year ago. I am also an immigrant and no one to turn to. I realized that truly no one would be able to love you more than you love yourself. So, while you are scared and lonely, face the reality, and in that, you would soon be able to take it and hopefully be able to be happy and emotionally secure on your own. It took me a while to realize that. I had to undergo a lot of pain, rejection, wasted time, effort and love, was even taken for granted. Until I came to my senses, and said no more would I allow any man to walk on me, 'the one' came to his senses and manned up.

Remember, being cherished, and loved should start from within. Take your time to work on it.

*hugs.

Instead of looking at the cons of being alone, look at all the pro's--you can do what you want, when you want and however you want. You can make new friends, joining some social groups that have common interests or take some classes on something you'd be interested in. You know, like photography or something. You would meet new people, learn a hobby and get around your city and see all that it has to offer from a different perspective.

I never had that opportunity to be completely on my own. I went from my father, to my first husband, back home, second husband, then my own place but with two kids. The idea of living in a city, completely free of responsibilities except for myself sounds like such a cool experience. Don't get me wrong--I love my kids and I wouldn't change anything now. But if I could have done things differently when I was younger, I would have moved to another state, a whole different environment, rented an apartment and had that experience. I would have loved to live in like San Francisco, catch the cable car to work, explore the city, meet new people, just take care of myself for a while.

Until you can be by yourself and enjoy your own company, you won't be very good company for anyone else. Learn to be alone but not lonely.

So I´ve taken the desition to move out from my boyfriends apartment. We both love each other and we keep crying at the fact that things don´t work out between us. I´ve put my cards on the table: he has commitment issues and doesn´t see himself married or with children in the future, while I do want to have a family. I´ve been living at his place for the last two years and I still feel like a guest: the last fight was because I ate his chocolate. I´ve said to him that I don´t want to live in a relationship where his things and my things should not mix. Besides he earns much more than me and has everything: house, car, boat etc. So I don´t have a chance, I mean, we can not buy things toghether cause he already has everything, and if he is to buy a new apartment it should be bigger and the price will be way to much for my teachers salary.
Anyway, after all the talk, the crying, the "I love you" and "why" from both sides, I´ve hint him that we can still make things work if he is willing to give more of himself to the relationship. But I don´t get any reaction. He just cries and blames himself for everything. This is awfully painful, and I don´t want to leave but I can not continue living as a guest in his house with no future perspectives. Any thoughts?

I think standing up for yourself and what you want from life is a huge step in the right direction. No one should feel like a guest in their own life. If it were me, I'd want the independence of being on my own, no matter how great of a neighborhood or apartment I had at the time. Live your life for you and if he wants to be in it, he'll meet you half way.

Originally Posted by Daniela73

So I´ve taken the desition to move out from my boyfriends apartment. We both love each other and we keep crying at the fact that things don´t work out between us. I´ve put my cards on the table: he has commitment issues and doesn´t see himself married or with children in the future, while I do want to have a family. I´ve been living at his place for the last two years and I still feel like a guest: the last fight was because I ate his chocolate. I´ve said to him that I don´t want to live in a relationship where his things and my things should not mix. Besides he earns much more than me and has everything: house, car, boat etc. So I don´t have a chance, I mean, we can not buy things toghether cause he already has everything, and if he is to buy a new apartment it should be bigger and the price will be way to much for my teachers salary.
Anyway, after all the talk, the crying, the "I love you" and "why" from both sides, I´ve hint him that we can still make things work if he is willing to give more of himself to the relationship. But I don´t get any reaction. He just cries and blames himself for everything. This is awfully painful, and I don´t want to leave but I can not continue living as a guest in his house with no future perspectives. Any thoughts?

Read: Why Men Marry B!tches by Sherry Argov to get more specs on his type of guy. She actually wrote Men's answers/viewpoints on this matter.