Is my boyfriend cheap or am I expecting too much?

**Daniela73** · 11-17-2010 04:13 PM

Hi,

Me and my boyfriend moved toghether 6 mnths after meeting each other ( two months after becoming "exclusive"). He is a buisnessman and makes good money, I am a school teacher and earn 1/3 of his monthly income. When I moved in he said I would pay him 500$, (the same I was paying for a room in a flat I shared with 3 others). Sometimes he asks me to pay part of the electricity bill or some gasoline.
He is the most loving boyfriend I´ve met and we really love each other. However we argue often about money. We used to fight because he used to tell me that he provides me with comfort and a good life. That I lived in a room and now I live in a nice apartment in one of the best parts of the city, and that I pay very little for the the living standard. He has stopped saying that since I wanted to move out.
When we go out he use to pay, but we never go out to expensive places. If we travel, he will pay 60% of the trip and I will pay 40%. He use to get a lot of free stuff like cell phones, tv, cd, DVD etc. and he usually gets for me cd´s or DVD´s I like. The thing is, while he actually gives me some gifts, they will most of the times be things he gets for free or things that don´t cost too much. He says that he doesn´t want to use a lot of money in a woman. On the other hand he buys himself a lot of stuff, and he says to me "oh, I have so many things, I don´t know what I´m gonna do with all this stuff!" and I feel bad because I can not afford whatever I want like he does. Sometimes i feel like he gives me the "leftovers". I feel like, although he says he loves me, I´m not worth that much for him. I think he could be more generous, but I don´t know if I am expecting too much.

**jns** · 11-17-2010 04:44 PM

Aah, modern dilemmas. In the past, the guy was supposed to pay for everything. In many cases the woman didn't work, so she didn't have a source of income to pay for much of anything. In today's age, both work and will share the burden as equally as possible. The fact that your bf doesn't buy you gifts says more than if he bought you cheap ones. He is only providing you with leftovers. He should start saving instead of buying useless toys. The gas, if it is used for your job, should be paid for by you. If it is for going places together, it should be shared.

**Allie602** · 11-17-2010 05:32 PM

He sound like a selfish fool to me. If you are making 1/3 of his salary then you should pay 1/3 of the rent and expenses. If he says he does not spend a lot on a woman and he actually tells you that he is being disrespectful. Paying for things has nothing to do with the man paying for the woman, it has to do with fairness if you are making 1/3 then the $500 should be 1/3 of the rent is it. If not start giving him 1/3 only and make plans to move out into your own place. If you need to save up for a place keep your rent and tell him you need for an emergency and move out when you get enough. If he ask you to leave if you don't pay rent then you know where you stand.

I hope this doesn't describe your living arrangements - you cook, clean, do the laundry, have sex with him, pay some rent and utilities so he has more to spend on himself. He buys you no gifts, he even has the nerve to tell you he does not spend money on woman and you are still living with this man? Why? What do you get out of the arrangement? Fun watching him spend the money you give him on extras. What a setup he has and how convenient!

You really need to get your own place and date other men. You did know him long enough to move in with him, he sounds like an a** especially telling you about what he does not do for women. If he can't be respectful of you then get out, you don't want to be stuck with a stingy user. He is telling he does not like woman to your face and you stay with him!

**Lunar Keiki** · 11-17-2010 06:48 PM

Honestly, I think that sounds like a rotten deal. I mean, yes, you should contribute to the living expenses, but if he makes so much more money than you, and you don't even have any discretionary income to buy yourself some toys or things you want, but he sits around and says he has so much stuff he doesn't know what to do with it--that is horrible. If he has so much toys that he can afford to buy himself, why does he make you give him money? Doesn't he feel bad that you are struggling? I would rather live in a flat with three roommates and be doing it on my own, then be made to feel indebted to a person like him who seems to have the impression that he rescued you from gloom and doom!

**Colorado** · 11-17-2010 08:09 PM

Sounds like a "room-mate"; someone where there are no ties, just a platonic relationship, without any feelings. But if he is in fact a BF, then he just sounds like a tight-wad.

**caterpillar79** · 11-17-2010 09:14 PM

He is a business man. He is rich ...for a reason. Really!

Seriously, I don't like your arrangement at all. While I see where you are pitching in for the rent, I don't like the way he sort of just gives you "leftovers". He buys stuff he likes for himself - selfish (but alright if done in moderation), but you are the GF - you deserve something special.

Have you communicated to him how you feel about this?

**sourpuss** · 11-18-2010 09:09 AM

He's out of line for saying that he's the reason you're in a better apartment/neighborhood. And he shouldn't flaunt things in your face. That being said, it's not a mans job to buy his girlfriend material objects or even financially support her. Your situation is out of balance.

**ManINeedACoffee** · 11-18-2010 11:48 AM

I don't like that he's making you feel "obligated" by telling you that if it weren't for him, your living situation wouldn't be as nice. How nice is it when you feel like a tenant in your boyfriend's home? I think moving out might be the best way to solve this problem. Moving in after knowing each other six months is awfully fast...

**Daniela73** · 11-18-2010 12:00 PM

Thanks to all of you for your answers. I am not expecting the guy to pay for everything but there are things that bothers me. For example, on our first Christmas toghether I gave him a trip to Prage and he gave me all the seasons of "sex and the city" (which he got for free). My friends on the other hand, have boyfriends that get an average salary, and they get more thoughtful, expensive gifts. I don’t want to sound like I am after big gifts, but you get my point.
On the other hand he says all the time "you are so lucky you are with me, I am so kind. You have such a good life here etc" That makes me crazy. I mentioned once that I want to buy an Iphone, and for a couple of weeks ago he said to me he was getting the new Iphone 4, and I could get his Iphone 3 for a "good price". He has also tried to sell me a TV and a Mac to a "special girlfriend price". That was another fight, and he still resents me for not buying him the Mac and the TV, which I actually use. (My argument was: are you also going to sell me the couch because I sit on it?)
I really love this guy and it is hard to move on after spending 2 1/2 years of my life with him. He has many other positive things that make me stay, but I feel I am on a breaking point right now.

**Lunar Keiki** · 11-18-2010 12:57 PM

You know, the more you tell us, the more I don't like him. It reminds me too much of my ex who would say "You don't how good you have it with me. If you were out in the real world, you would see how great I am." Well, I've been in the real world with my two kids alone now for 9 years and I wouldn't go back to him. He so wasn't all that and the fact that he had to tell me he was proved that he wasn't. I cannot believe he wants to sell his used stuff to you. It isn't like he is going to be using it once he gets the upgrades.

I fully understand that you don't want to appear like you're a gold digger or something, but it bothers you. And it would bother me. I seriously don't understand that if he can afford it why he wouldn't want to shower you with gifts. I love buying the people in my life gifts, even when I can't afford it. I love making them happy, seeing their faces light up when I pick just the right thing. It isn't about being materialistic or expecting him to buy you everything, but why wouldn't he? I'm sorry, but I really don't like him. You deserve better!