Not sure what to do, he keeps contacting me after my friend ended their relationship

**SarahBear2010** · 11-22-2010 07:33 AM

My friend ended the relationship with her finance middle of last summer. Then I didn't hear from the guy for awhile. Then all the sudden, he starts contacting me wanting money and occassionally a booty call. Two of the reasons things fell apart was because he haven't had a job for almost a year and a half. Another is he abuses alcohol and dope. The guy told me he has been going to rehab for his drug addiction with prescription painkillers.

My gut instincts tells me he's lying after seeing FB photos of him surrounded by booze and associating with people that I know smoke dope. That and he doesn't allow me to hang out with him AND his friends after he and his ex weren't together anymore. The visit is brief when I see him so we really don't get a chance to communicate much.

I don't contact him because I know he's just using for me for money, occasionally there's sex involved and have a hard time saying no because of the friendship of several years we have shared. That and when we see each other, he kisses me and hugs me tightly. My friend don't know about it and I have heard that he harrasses her occassionally since they've broken up a few months ago. She's an alcoholic too and has gotton drunk mid-afternoon.

No, I do not want a relationship with him and told him that I like being single. When I told him that, he told me he likes being single too and I find it hard to believe

**WildChild** · 11-22-2010 07:58 AM

Sounds like you need to draw some clear lines here. You obviously want to be a freind but he and the ex sound like a mess and this is likely to only create another mess. Best thing is to quit answering his call. You shouldn't be sexually involved with someone who have drug and alcohol problems - I do hope you've practiced safe sex with him?

Be too busy to get together. Find some people who are going someplace positive in their lives to hang out with.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-22-2010 08:29 AM

This was your friends fiance, and now you're having booty calls with the guy behind her back?

**SarahBear2010** · 11-22-2010 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

This was your friends fiance, and now you're having booty calls with the guy behind her back?

Yeah. It doesn't happen that often and yes, we practice "safe sex"

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-22-2010 09:28 AM

Yeah. It doesn't happen that often and yes, we practice "safe sex"

So I take it she's not one of your close friends, or someone you value in your life very much?

I say this because I know if I were her, and I found out you were sneaking around with my ex fiance behind my back...... you'd no longer be someone I called a friend.

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-22-2010 10:55 AM

That's why there are stalker laws in this country. I'm sure you hate to even think about it at this point and you are sharing sex with one another...

Think about it...this guy is an alcohol and drug abuser. Which of those two things do you find appealing? How about struggles with employment?

How do you know that he doesn't see you as another "fix" for his desire for sex? When not with you, is he getting sex else where? Do you know? Do you care?
It's a lot more than practicing safe sex here. How about practicing a "safe life" for you away from those that abuse substances or other people?

**LanaBear** · 11-22-2010 11:22 AM

Well... If you want him to stop contacting you, you need to stop responding to him. Having sex with him, responding to calls, e-mails, etc is NOT displaying the type of behavior that shows him you want nothing to do with him.

Cut off all communication with him. Wash your hands of this mess and for the love of crackerjacks... don't sleep with a "friends" ex.

**KMonte85** · 11-22-2010 12:39 PM

He keeps contacting you because you keep responding to his outreach and giving him what he wants (attention, money, sex, etc, etc...).

Easy way to stop the interaction is to stop responding to his advances. Don't answer his calls emails or texts, don't let him in your home. Don't give him money. Don't sleep with him.

Druggies/alcoholics aren't going to try very hard to keep in contact with those that don't give into their requests. If you stop rewarding his advances, you'll soon find that he'll stop contacting you - because he doesn't care about YOU. He only cares about that which you'll give him. So stop that and he'll soon realize it isn't worth calling/texting/emailing you any longer because he's not getting what he wants.

And to echo what everyone else has said - for future reference, its not cool to sleep with a friend's ex-fiance, no matter how bad her own alcohol problem is. Go find a nice guy without all the money and substance abuse issues, and who hasn't been in any sort of romantic relationship with one of your friends!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-22-2010 01:13 PM

In fairness to the OP, she states, "he" was her friend for many years, then states her friend's ex, sounds to me as if she introduced her friend to him and they entered a relationship.

However, having said that, what is it you want? You don't trust him, rightly so, your confusing kissing and being held to purely being lonley and wanting to be loved and you do need to comprehend that to use the word "friend" means exactly that... Your "friend" is also an alcoholic, drinks at midday, you don't spill on your friend or put them down either, it's obvious why they were together, both can't handle life and what it is throwing at them and turn to drugs/alcohol for comfort, that comfort a "friend" would be there and replace and try to help them...

You wish to help this "other" friend, whom you've know for years, your answer is, above from our members..

And, some words of wisdom, a booty call doesn't help you feel loved, held, kissed, that's an allusion, it eventually makes you feel bad, needy and wanting that person, which is what I think is occuring now and your trying to find a way out of it...

CW

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-22-2010 01:31 PM

In fairness to the OP, she states, "he" was her friend for many years, then states her friend's ex, sounds to me as if she introduced her friend to him and they entered a relationship.

This may be so.......but I don't think we hide things we're proud of. And I can only assume this girl friend, isn't much of one the OP values given this. Besides, if I set up my girlfriend with someone else I know, they get into a serious relationship, get engaged, and later break up....that doesn't give me "dibs" on him. What I would think if I were the girl friend here? That she wanted him all along.....

OP - What screamed volumes to me when I read the post? You have WAY more feelings for this guy than you're willing to admit. I don't think you're being honest with yourself. You "try" to be around him, and you said he "wont let you" be around when he's with his friends. You like the shreds of attention you get from him, the "hugging tightly", but only after he's used you for sex or for money.

occasionally there's sex involved and have a hard time saying no because of the friendship of several years we have shared

Are you sure it's the "friendship" that makes it hard for you to say no? Or is it the fact that you like him and want him to like you back?

You're setting yourself up for heartache and disaster. You're lying/hiding this from your friend who was engaged to marry this guy. You're giving this dude the appearance that you're desperate and will accept just about anything. I don't know you, but I know you're better than that. It's time to wash your hands of this. Cease contact with him totally, you KNOW he doesn't care about you so quit hanging on to a "friendship" or love relationship that doesn't exist. Because it doesn't. Move forward.