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If I don't beat this, I will lose her.
Can't get over her past
Long story short, I am having one of a time getting over my girlfriends sexual history. I realize that I am the one who has the problem and I know where it comes from. She's only my second relationship as I married my high school sweet heart - met at 15 - and was divorced 3 years ago. So, no one in my life has ever had a past. It was just me and her. IN other words, I never had the chance to process these emotions when others did. Likely in their teens or a bit later.
So I'm at a loss. I've now bumped into them twice and its hit me hard. And really, there are only three to speak of, which I think is quite respectable in this day and age. What's worse is that they're all 6ft 2 and built. Where I'm 5ft 10. I can't help but feel inferior and insecure knowing that her past is dominated by men of much bigger stature than me. She assures me that this is not a preference but a coincidence.
I know I'm the one with the problem. That's why I'm here. Can I conquer this? These guys are always in my head and at this point, I'm compromising our relationship because of it. Any advice?
If I don't beat this, I will lose her.
Remember, there is a reason why they are ex boyfriends and you are her current boyfriend. ...and if size really were so important to her, she'd be with someone else who is 6'2" and built. But she's not.
I am so intimidated. I am seeing a counselor, but so far, no luck. Bumped into him with her last weekend. Was really hard. Looked like a big, dumb jock. Hated it.
You should feel proud of yourself. When you see these men out, be like..."Yeah that's right, I have her". You ultimately win. They are an ex for a reason, they didnt fit the bill, you do...be happy about that. Perhaps she realized the criteria she was searching for wasnt the right criteria and you fit the right criteria.
~Today, any person can fight the battles of one day It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity's- yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad. It is the remorse of bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us therefore, live but one day at a time.~
You had a huge thread a few weeks ago about your concerns over penis size difference. You got a ton of great feedback and reassurances. So, now you are not just concerned over penis size, but also physical stature and attributes? You need to leave your insecurities behind on this, you WILL lose her if you keep it up. If that is not enough to change, then what is? Seriously guy, it's IN THE PAST, leave it alone and allow the two of you to move on with your lives.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
I did. And it helped. I am trying. This forum pushed that concern out of my head. But it was born from a general sense of jealousy about her past in general. Trust me, I am trying. It just seems to be getting worse.
I could see if you were 5'4" and he was 6'2 where you might feel small in comparison.....but there's no huge drastic difference in your height and someone 6'2".
Let me also reaffirm that a 4" difference in height does not in ANY way mean he's more manly or more well endowed. Are you insecure with your endowment down south?
You're in a sense comparing her to your ex because your ex hadn't been with anyone else. It's not fair to her. She's in your life now, she has chosen you to be her partner now. The guy that was 6'2" obviously wasn't doing the trick, huh? You obviously are.
Coming from a woman, insecurity in a man is one of the most unattractive qualities. I don't care if you're 5'4" or 6'4".....if you are insecure, it is unattractive. But if you're confident in yourself and proud of who you are, no one worthy of your time cares about how tall you are. Besides...I consider 5'10" to be a pretty tall fella.
Continue counseling.....and continue reminding yourself that it is you she has chosen. Otherwise......perhaps you're just not quite ready for a relationship yet. Maybe being by yourself for some time, establishing some confidence in who you are might be a good idea.
"Be what you're looking for."
"The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."
But do you see that you are just now picking at things to be insecure about? Will you ever be secure in this relationship? When your insecurities over this go away, what is the next thing you are going to fret over?
STOP STOP STOP
Be happy with HER and who she is, disregard her past. Everything and everyone she was with led her to here and now with YOU. You are sabotaging yourself and this relationship. If she gets fed up and leaves tomorrow, none of this is going to matter because she will be gone, so make it NOT matter TODAY!!!
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful, insightful and helpful message. This is a cry for help and is in no way an attempt to justify my irrational thought patterns. I hate that I'm this immature. I wish I could just snap my fingers and have the life experience to be at a more adult level in my thinking, but I can't. I am doing everything I can to beat this . This woman is the love of my life. Unfortunately, that's why I am so uneasy about her with anyone else. Stupid, but true.
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