Should I say Something, or am I overreacting?

**lizzardb63** · 11-22-2010 10:10 PM

Okay, so my boyfriend left for deer hunting on Thursday Nov. 18th and he comes back on Sunday Nov. 28th. I was well aware of this for a few weeks prior, so it wasn't a big deal. He said before he left he wouldn't be able to talk much, but he has unlimited text messages. Well, tomorrow will be his 5th day away. He told me he only had 60 minutes to talk, which I thought was a lot, because I don't plan on talking to him for more than 5 minutes. I guess I figured he'd call me at least by now...
I text him and he rarely texts me back. This isn't fair to me. I was out with his cousin's wife (his cousin is also hunting with him) and she said they talk at least once every day, even though it isnt long. I don't understand why my boyfriend can't take 1 minute out of his time just to say "hey, how are you, and I love you"...that's all I want. He is my support system (besides my parents) and I guess I am a little hurt at what little effort he has put into contacting me. I know he has service up there, because he;s been up there before and called me. I guess, I am just hurt because I feel he doesnt care and I feel ignored and neglected. Should I say something about it or not? I don't feel I am asking much...it doens't take too much effort to pick up the phone for 30 seconds to 1 minute.

**lizzardb63** · 11-22-2010 10:28 PM

Just to add another note. I have not been texting him that often. Like maybe once a day and if he doesn't repond then I stop. So it's not like I am overwhelming him with text messages and irritating him. I haven't even tried calling. I also understand that this is his guys week and I respect that he wants his space, but all I am saying is that I would appreciate the fact that he still knows I exist. Just because he goes away for a while doesn't mean I am still not around and don't have feelings.

**stressed** · 11-22-2010 10:33 PM

Some people like daily contact, others need hourly contact, others can get by with contact every other day or so. Maybe he feels "you're going to be alright" without talking to him much.

Have you sent him a text asking him to call? Can't you call him yourself?

**lizzardb63** · 11-22-2010 10:36 PM

well it will be 5 days...thats not even every other day. I don't want to call because I didn't want to invade his "guy time" so I was trying to be considerate of that.

**stressed** · 11-22-2010 10:41 PM

It can't be that bad to ask him to call, or send him a sweet text saying you're missing him and you'd love to hear his voice (even if you're more boiling at the moment than want to be all sweet and lovely to him). His cousin's wife talks with her husband daily, so you can't look bad among the guys. Besides, who cares what the guys think anyway, you're the one he's coming home to and asking for a call is nothing embarrassing/terrible.

I think it's normal to want to talk to him after five days.

**lizzardb63** · 11-22-2010 10:49 PM

I know. I guess I wish for once HE could put for the effort...but again, who am I kidding right? If only guys knew that just putting in the tiniest effort makes a hugest difference.

**stressed** · 11-22-2010 10:59 PM

You can either wait for him to make a move (which might not happen anytime soon, because most guys ARE like that) and be frustrated until he calls, or ask him to call yourself. He probably hasn't realized how inconsiderate he's been.

Plus, the longer you wait the more upset you're going to be by the time he calls you, you'll argue on the phone and he'll regret calling you at all.... even if it was him doing wrong in the first place.

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-23-2010 02:04 AM

Another example of not communicating clearly with your partner before he left.

So what do you do now? Either call him and leave a brief message or text him and ask him to call you, each day after he returns from hunting, to let you know he is safe and how much room you need to make in the freezer!

YES, your communication expectations should have been better communicated before he left. NO, it's not a big deal at all to make an attempt or two now to contact him.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-23-2010 06:49 AM

Seeker - While I do think you're right in that communication is vital and should've happened before he left....I think it's the classic case of "I don't want to tell you to call me. I just want you to want to....." Know what I mean? I think the OP just wants him to WANT to call and say "Hey babe, we're having a great time, just wanted to say love you"......she doesn't want to tell him before he leaves that she wants him to call her everyday so that he's out with the guys and says "Hang on guys, I'm supposed to call lizzard once a day while I'm here". Ya know? That's just how us gals think sometimes. It's not like she's going to torture his soul when he gets home because he didn't contact her....it's just disheartening because she wants him to want to. We don't ALWAYS want to have to tell you guys what we want......then nothing "feels good" because we've had to ask for it.

**lizzardb63** · 11-23-2010 11:21 AM

Beautiful Disaster Hit the nail on the head!!! I don't want to seem like the nagging girlfriend or like a burden. I understand how he wants his space and didnt expect him to call every day, but i just figured after the fifth day he would at least want to.

Anyway, here is the update. So I could not sleep because it was bugging me and I was still up at 12:15 am. He texts me "you up?" and I wrote back "yes" and i hear nothing so I text "Why?" and still nothing...then I receive one of those nudy forwarded texts that most guys send each other (of mostly naked women, it was a joke but still) so that made me IRRATE...so I texted him "Gee thanks....when you really wanna talk to me....let me know" because I figured, really?? That's all?? So anyway, he called me right after I sent that text and by this point I am crying because I was so mad (I am a cryer when I'm mad)...so we talked a little and he apologized for not calling that he should have at least once. I wasnt mad at him once we finally talked, but it was just the point that HELLO, I STILL EXIST!!! So anyway, things are okay right now...i just hope he calls me at least on thanksgiving (which I will text him to this time...).

Thanks for all your support!!