Thread: Why do I feel the need to cheat?

If you have the Need or desire to have sex with other people at whim.. Why marry at all ?

You say you have a man that loves you unconditionally ? Does he know of this desire and accept you being with others ?
Are you both Allowing each other to have sexual relations with other people ? Or are you sneaking on the side ?

Are you or he interested in an Open relationship or Swingers club, where you both can " Taste the Fruits of Others " ?
When it comes to women that have sex without Love ( Not meaning the occasional one night stand when SINGLE ).. There are Society names attached, Ho, hooker , Sl*t,Booty call, F* bud, Prostitute.. The list of Slang goes on and on.

If you Just feel that He is NOT satisfying you and you Need Variety it is possible that you should Let him Go and let him find a woman that Loves him and will not " Need Another for Variety "...

Possibly work as a Legal Sexual Provider in Nevada (the only legal State ) in a Brothel, You will get paid, have Health checks and get all the Variety that you could possibly want.

As far as the " Faithfulness " it has to do with the Heart, Depth of Love and Commitment.

I myself had an Affair with a Married man.. Not Sexual ( act) but was getting there.. That is why I joined here. I have learned from the other people here.. And I know that I feel some shame for Knowing he was married and I fell for his I don't get " Love " at home. She isn't what I want, Ignores me , Yadda Yadda ..

7 months later, I feel sorry for her, not only for what I did but for him and how he treated her.

Maybe he just wanted " Variety " ?

well in my personal opinion i think cheating is wrong. you choose to be in a relationship to share your life with that one person. is it an attention thing? do you like the attention of other men? because that can become an attention addiction. but if youre with someone who loves you and you love them maybe you should focus on if you love them enough to be with ONLY them. if you dont think so then dont hurt him in the process and be single cuz thats obviously what you want.

Just because someone loves you unconditionally, doesn't mean you love them unconditionally.

Just because you were married....didn't mean you were truly in love with him either.

The only time I've found a relationship constraining....is when I wasn't totally happy. And yes, there were times I thought something was wrong with me...because I too had a guy that loved me unconditionally....loved me the way I thought I wanted to be loved.....but it wasn't enough. He wasn't right for me....and I constantly yearned for something else.

So why try being in an exclusive relationship when it's not really what you want or are ready for right now?

If you are iin a relationship and you feel the need to cheat, then it probably means that you are not happy with your reality, and ytou want to live out a fantasy.

You will probably find that your fantasies are also short-lived, and that you are always looking for something new. Meanwhile, you neglect the reality of your current relationship. If you look carefully at you rcurrent relationship, you will discover that there are both positive and negative aspects to the relationship. This is the case for any relationship. If you only notice the positive aspects, you will be disappointed when the inevitable negative aspects become prominent. If you only notice the negative aspects, you will probably get so involved in the negative aspects that you will ignore the positive aspects.

This is the same for any extramarital relationship that you enter into. You may feel that with such a relationship you are living your fantasy, but there are inevitable downsides that you will be ignoring until you get to a point where you can no longer ignore them.

The more you look for the other, balancing side of any relationship you are in and find the balance, the more you will find the inner peace that you currently keep searching for outside of your current relationship.

If you know you aren't going to be faithful, I think its important to be open and honest and upfront about that.. there is no reason that you should have to 'cheat', when you don't need to sign up for committment in the first place. Is it important to you to have a partner be faithful to you? If its not, why not just talk about having an open relationship. The problem with cheating is that one partner is entitled to their cake and eating it too... while the other partner is blissfully unaware, dedicated to a partner that is not dedicated to them. I think that if you want to have sex with someone else, you should let your partner know that... so that they can have sex with someone else if they want, or so that they can decide to leave and find someone that only wants them.. or so that they can make up their own mind as to whether or not they want to stay and be faithful to someone who can't and won't do the same. But cheaters decide for their partner, thats the part that makes it unfair.

But I think for some people the excitement having sex outside their relationship comes from the fact that its 'cheating'... that it wouldn't be as fun if their partner knew about it, was okay with it, and was doing it too. That it would some how loose its taboo appeal, not to mention many people don't like the idea of their significant other doing exactly what they are doing. They want someone to be faithful to them, but want to be unfaithful.

WC makes an excellent suggestion, look into polyamory and getting into open relationships with people that share your desire to be in a relationship that can encompass others.

I guess I would have to ask if you are settling with men you aren't attracted to? Men that don't satisfy you sexually? Most of the friends I've ever had that are serial cheaters, do so when they are with a guy that they aren't 'into' but rather a guy that is benefiting them in some other way besides love and sex... usually financially.

Not everyone is cut out to have one person in the world that loves them and is true to them... some would rather get fullfilled on romp after romp getting bits and pieces of many rather than the entire parts of one. You just have to be honest with yourself on what you want and be honest with the person you are with so that they can CHOOSE to be with you knowing you are going to see other people or CHOOSE to move on with the same knowledge.

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Just because someone loves you unconditionally, doesn't mean you love them unconditionally.

Just because you were married....didn't mean you were truly in love with him either.

The only time I've found a relationship constraining....is when I wasn't totally happy. And yes, there were times I thought something was wrong with me...because I too had a guy that loved me unconditionally....loved me the way I thought I wanted to be loved.....but it wasn't enough. He wasn't right for me....and I constantly yearned for something else.

So why try being in an exclusive relationship when it's not really what you want or are ready for right now?

Yes, you never mentioned your feelings for him in this post, or your previous husband. That would shine some light on the situation for us.

Perhaps you are not ready for a lifetime commitment with just ONE person. If you always feel that you need to have attention from other men besides your husband, then you should not marry at all. Because in a marriage loyalty, failthfulness, respect, trust and honesty is very important. If you cannot commit to all this, it will have a negative imprint on you, your husband and also your family. Therefore, I think if you still want to save this marriage then both of you must talk it through to make it work. There will never be a PERFECT ONE for you because no one is perfect, not even yourself. If the talk still does not give you a solution, better end it so that you don't hurt him, yourself and your loved ones even more. No one can hide from the truth. Have compassion and love for yourself and others so that you can lead a happier life...