Really Frustrated

**lizzardb63** · 11-29-2010 02:46 PM

Okay, so I had posted something last week on here about going and seeing the Chip N Dales dancers for widows weekend. I went with my boyfriend's cousin's wife (He was with his cousin, I was with his wife) and we were with a group of girls and just went for the fun of it. Sort of like a gag night. Anyway, my boyfriend is really upset that I went. He keeps asking why I went, and I just told him that I was going with the flow, just to have a good time, harmless fun, and I just wanted to see what all the hype was about. He is upset that I didn't call him and tell him I was going there (I didn't because who wants to be the girlfriend who calls while he is away with the guys? I was giving him his space).

I am in the wrong in a way and I will explain. I have been insecure about my body in the past and had asked him if he went to strip clubs not to sit at the stage (cuz i see what goes on). Well I ended up getting on stage at the Chip N Dales show. ALl they did was pick you up for 10 seconds and flip you around (to show you their strength) and I also got a lap dance. (Just stick a dollar between my boobs and he dances for 5 seconds and take the dollar and moves on to the next person). NOw I realize that this makes me the biggest hypocryte ever. How can I tell him not to sit at stage and do what I did, right? Yes, and I've apologized to him for that over and over. This was a ONCE IN A LIFETIME thing. I just wanted to see what it was like, and honestly...I don't need to go again. It wasn't that great.

I also understand more now that even if you do go to a strip club and see an attractive person, doesn't take away how you feel about your significant other. I feel that this has helped me understand and if he sits at stage, i will not be NEARLY as paranoid as I was before. I guess, I just don't know what to say anymore. How can I make this better???

**LanaBear** · 11-29-2010 03:01 PM

So is he upset that you went or that you didn't call before and tell him?

It seems rather hypocritical of him. He goes, you went. I'll admit, I'm not into that crp, but what is good for the goose, is good for the gander. I guess to be fair... Does he tell you before he goes every time? If that is the case, than yeah, maybe I see his point, but... I don't know. He was fine with it originally? Was this before he knew about the whole "interaction"? Is that what set him off?

**lizzardb63** · 11-29-2010 03:15 PM

He changes his mind from being upset I went in the first place to I dont care you went, but why didnt you call me before...one minute he is fine with it, the next he isn't. I am a hypocrite for asking him not to sit at stage, and I end up doing stupid stuff myself. I've admitted it and see why he would be upset about that. I've apologized several times. The ONLY reason I went is to see what the fuss was all about. He doens't tell me before, I usually end up asking him if they are. If they went without me asking, oh well...then they went. I would actually expect it. The first he heard of it he was okay with it...then he heard stuff from his cousin and it just keeps escalading to the point where he asked how he can trust me. Seriously??? Why am I not trust worthy? I made a mistake by not called...is it really the worst thing I could do?? *sigh*

**lizzardb63** · 11-29-2010 04:07 PM

I dont know if there is anything I can do to change his mind.

**LanaBear** · 11-29-2010 04:16 PM

UGH! Hun, I feel for you. You are trying to read his mind and it doesn't really sound like he knows how he should be feeling about it.

There probably isn't anything that you can do to change his mind, he's going to have to come to terms with it himself. What strikes me as odd, well, maybe not odd, but I don't know... Is that HE goes to strip clubs, okay, YOU went to a strip club, apparently NOT OKAY. So, is it because, deep down, he KNOWS what goes on at them, whether he partakes or not, he doesn't feel that YOU should go, but yet, he gets free reign? I tell ya, it makes absolutely zero sense!

I feel bad for ya, you went, didn't like, and now it has just snowballed on ya when you felt like crp for going in the first place.

**lizzardb63** · 11-29-2010 04:20 PM

Yeah, I guess he will just have to find a way to get over it. There isn't much more I can do to make him feel better.

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-29-2010 04:36 PM

Sorry...but I'm confused.....and I'm a man....

He GOES to strip clubs...as in regular visits? Or frequently? Or more than once a week, month, year? And how many times have you been to see the C&D dancers?

It's okay for him to repeast behavior that he knows you're not fond of, but not okay that you do the same behavior........once?

I'm not discounting what you did. Yes, in this instance you were a hypocrite.

It's done, it's over, you've apologized, it's time to move on.

To me, he keeps bringing it up or re-living it to deflect the fact that he does what he does with some regularity. Am I understanding correctly?

It's okay for him but not okay for you.....that just doesn't make sense. Then again, I've never really understood the whole strip club thing or watching men pound away at artificial or medically enhanced women (porn) like they're beating a drum. I guess I'm weird.

**LanaBear** · 11-29-2010 04:38 PM

^^^ Glad I'm not the only one... The whole situation is unfortunate. I've reread this post quite a few times trying to find something that I was missing. *sigh*

**rcoreyus** · 11-29-2010 04:46 PM

If you found out that he did what you did: strip club, held by dancers, lap dance, etc, what would you want him to do to make up for it.

Maybe an apology, and give him a "get out of jail free" card - he gets to use it and you forgive him for his next big screwup.

Or - just agree with him that you both get to go to strip clubs now.

(or you could let him find you in the bedroom kneeling on the floor naked with a riding crop held in your teeth......). <g>

**lizzardb63** · 11-29-2010 05:07 PM

That was the first (and only...TRUST ME) time that I EVER went to see male strippers. He's gone at least 4 times since I've known him. (we've known each other for 11 months). He only went for bachelor parties, so he doesnt just go to go. And the only reason I went was because they were in town for widows weekend, not to go just to go. they only come around once a year anyway. He is the kind of person where if i screw up he'll keep bringing it up again "so it doesn't happen again". Sooner or later if he even hints about it, i snap at him because i am tired of hearing it and it turns out it had nothing to do with anything. Urgh, I guess this will just be another situation he casually brings up for a while...if it were the other way around, I forgive pretty easily. If he apologized and he never cheated on me, it would be forgotten after our serious talk about it. Its just frustrating because I CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST! I now know, he doesnt like it...so therefore I wont do it again! The end...but it isnt THE END.