Thread: Serious input requested - wife of 20 years will not have sex

This may sound perverse, but my wife of 20 years has stopped having sex with me. It's been 13 months and counting. When we were first together, she felt really loose on me (sorry), actually the loosest I'v ever been with. Of all the women I had been with before, there was one who was loose but did't come close compared to my wife. That other girl had a reputation for being a , so I wasn't surprised. My wife was prim and proper and had it together, so I was really surprised because she didn't come across as being that way. The size of my penis wasn't too big of an issue at first because we did it a lot in the beginning. Later, after about 1 year into our relationship, she started using cucumbers and such during sex, and then later on dildos and vibrators. I noticed they were quite a bit larger then mine, and when I asked about her previous "experience," she flat out would not tell me how many guys she'd been with. She was 21 a the time and I was 18.

Fast forward 20 years. In that time we had a few medical challenges getting pregnant. The urologist told my wife and I, after a sperm test and an examination, that my sperm quality and quantity were very low. My wife surprised me by asking him if it was due to my testicles being too small. He said that in part, it was the case - he has seen testicles that small only on old men who were no longer producing much testosterone. We eventually conceived but how we did is too long long of a story here.

My wife developed a drinking problem 3 years ago. After about a year into drinking every day, all day, she confessed that she was disappointed in my size and had been from day one. She said she told her girlfriend that I was "really small" and she also told her sister. She said her GF told her "Oh well, you can always just screw other guys." Curious as to the exact size after I heard this, I measured it to be 4.5 inches long by 4.25 inches around. For scale, that's just a tad bigger than two D-cell batteries put end-to-end. We had used dildos throughout our relationship, and she was using them every time we had sex during this time, whereas before, we would use them every once-in-a-while.

After she told me about the size issue, she eventually told me that she had been with 26 men in her life. I said "so, I'm #26?" She said no, that I was #19. She had slept with 7 guys since we were married. She told me details about all of them (with my questionings, of course), when it was, where I was at, how many times, etc. The first year was with my then-best friend starting the first year we were married. The affair went on for 5 years without my knowledge. The others were 3 no-name guys she met in a bar for a quick (3 different instances), a construction worker who was working next door, the next door neighbor, and one other she refuses to tell me about. She also indicated, after I asked, that she had not used a rubber with any of them.

I asked her why and she said it was "because I hate rubbers and also because you can't right." She went on to explain that I just moved it straight in-and-out and had no regard for how she felt and that I was only concerned about me. I thought I always tried to accommodate her, but I guess she saw it differently. I was mad and retorted "well I can barely feel anything, whaddaya' expect?!" She got in my face and replied back "well I could NEVER feel YOU because YOUR 'S TOO SMALL!"

Fast forward again: She quit drinking and has 17 months sobriety as of right now. She said that the stories she told me were all made up and that she was throwing her dildos away. Now I'm going crazy. She told me on several occasions the same exact details of her flings and who the guys were - all but one. She's saying now that I'm crazy, that I made her make up stories because I wouldn't stop asking, and that she would never do that. But I have proof that her stories were true. My best friend (the one that she ed) had a girlfriend. When asked, she told me that he said he and my wife had ed, and that he said I knew about it. Her uncle, a bartender, also told me that he'd seen her out with different guys all the time.

So now, she still denies everything, and she flat out will not have sex with me. What is going on here? She's the one who was unfaithful, but I feel that because she won't have sex with me, I'm being treated as someone who was. Is she cheating? She has her own business and is gone a lot. She deleted the history on her cell phone nightly. I checked the statement and a few months ago, when she was "really busy" at work and gone a lot, there were over 800 minutes on her phone to the 22 year old neighbor kid. She had inappropriate dealings with him when she was drinking, and maybe she's finishing up what she started. I got her to discuss a little about the no sex issue. She said that if we did start having sex, I'd need to use a rubber. She hates rubbers and we've never used them. We've had no scares of her getting pregnant after our medical issues and her one pregnancy. Our child was indeed a "miracle baby." So why is she insisting that we use rubbers? Did she catch something? Is that why she won't have sex? She was routine-tested 3 months ago and she was clean.

Now, she won't even discuss sex with me - she changes the subject or says she tired or too busy, or that she just doesn't want to talk about it. WTF??? I seriously need someone to tell me what in the world is going on. Please, I implore you - am I losing my mind or is this really happening? Have any of you ever heard of anything this bizarre?