New Lease On Life..

**Agony_Aunt** · 12-12-2010 07:59 PM

Ok, another kind of update

As some of you know, I recently went to the party and my ex was there and after we talked a littel, I said we'd meet during the week to talk more. (met him during last week).

After a lot of talking, about everything. And a lot of thinking done on my part before I met him.
I told him, it's not going to work with us. I had weighed up all the pro's and con's and the con's out weighed the pro's.

I feel like his doubts will always be there, as long as there is an age gap between us. His doubts has caused so much for him before, that I now feel, he just wants to get back together for the sake of being together. I feel that he thinks it's better to be with me and be scared of loosing me than not being with me at all.
He may be able to hide his insecuriteis but they will always be in the back of his mind and that will always drag this relationship down. He's just sweeping everything under the carpret and some day it will all just blow up again.
So I've decided that this relationship is best being over. That's a very hard choice for me to make, because he is someone who I've fallen in love with and got to know so well, and we were very close. But my choice now, is one that I will benefit from in the long run.

So, I'm now a newly single, who intends to just enjoy and live her life to the fullest

**WildChild** · 12-12-2010 08:24 PM

Good for you! Sounds like you are ready to move foreward.

**Agony_Aunt** · 12-12-2010 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Good for you! Sounds like you are ready to move foreward.

Yep WC, I am. That little light bulb popped on above my head and I thought "Wow, too much messing around".

So for now it's just me, myself and I

**jns** · 12-12-2010 09:07 PM

One thing a break in a relationship does is throw a bunch of very cold water on it and that can get the persons in it to reexamine the foundations of the relationship logically. Before the break that could not happen because of being in love distorts logic.

It sounds like you logically went through the relationship and came to the conclusion that it just wouldn't work in the long run. This seems to be a good conclusion. When you are lonely and thinking about the relationship and are feeling weak, remember this logic and don't discount it. It will help you move on and get back to having fun and exploring times with new acquaintances. Remember you grew and learned something about yourself from this. The new beginning will have to be with someone else.

**Colorado** · 12-12-2010 11:06 PM

AA, Good for you that you were able to sit down and rationally think it all out... Not easy in that situation I'm sure.
You weighed the pro's and cons and made a descision, that makes it easier for you to move on without regret.

Sounds like you know what you want and are confident enough to seek it - well done.

**Agony_Aunt** · 12-13-2010 10:45 AM

Yes JNS, I've thought about that already, where on the cold lonely nights, I still have to be strong. I couldn't and wouldn't keep running back and fro from him knowing he wants a relationship, that wouldn't be fair on him either.

I have grew and learned from it. It was a good relationship and we both learned from eachother.

Thanks for your support Col

**KMonte85** · 12-13-2010 01:04 PM

Good for you AA! It can be very tough to think this out rationally.. especially given what an emotional situation it is, and your ex's feelings too.

But you know, it seems you're spot on about your ex's motives. It can be scary to be alone... but not one should NEVER EVER be in a relationship out if insecurities about being alone. The goes to show that you're not in it for your own best interests, you're not in it for your SO's best interests either - so who is to benefit from being together? You have to be happy with yourself and on your own before you can ever be truly happy with someone else, or make someone else happy.

Again, AA... I'm very pleased to hear that you're healing from the breakup and that you're doing what you know is best for you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-13-2010 01:50 PM

I love JNS's reply...

It takes one heck of a mature, person to think so logically and make such a decision, it means you will get through life being capable of not settling, whilst also being capable of being independent and happy in your skin, within yourself...

Think you should feel very excited over just that notation.

**Agony_Aunt** · 12-13-2010 04:27 PM

I'm glad I was able to keep my head above the water and think clearly about this.

Thinking about his motive's and why he wants the relationship now, his insecurities would not only bring the relationship down, but would also bring me down.
I can sit here now and say that I know in my heart and soul that if I had went back to that relationship, I would just be un-happy.
And when you know that and your thinking logically, it would just be pretty stupid to try with that relationship.

What I've come up with is.. Un-happy Me + Insecure Him = ......... Nothing! We'd just make each other miserable.

I'm finding it a lot easier to walk away this time, than I did before. Because this time I know what I'm at.

So.. Here's to the new happier me, going to enjoy single life..and, awh heck I'm just gonna enjoy myself

( p.s. I raised my cup of coffee while doing that taost) LOL