Thread: Best friend!

Nows the time to learn that while your feelings may not be controllable, your actions are.

He may be a great guy, but if he's 15, then he's probably got a long way to go in life before he's going to be a good monogamous partner....and he may never be the partner for you. Right now, it's clear he isn't interested in you like that. Most likely he likes you as a friend, but obviously if you're willing to be sexual with him he's not going to turn it down (as I'm sure he finds you attractive). For me, the fact that he turned things off with you so quickly when he was interested in someone else, would've been it. That's the writing on the wall right there. So it sounds like you have the choice, be this guys friend and accept that it's not going to be anymore than that. Or let yourself be used for sex. I strongly recommend you don't pick the latter choice. I"m sure you've got lots going for you. Don't cut yourself short and settle for someone who's just not that into you.

Yes I agree with what BD said. Also I was in a similar situation not too long ago... although it was not a situation between teenagers (I am more than 10 years older than you), the concept is the same. My experience might help you.

I too have a male best friend, we met in college and got very close. I started having feelings for him, even though he was (is) in a relationship. When he started having problems in his relationship, not only would he vent to me about it but he told me he had feelings for me. He was probably confused and his emotions were all over the place, but after that I started to fall for him. When his relationship had a falling out, I told him how I felt about him (which was my first mistake)... then he said after thinking about it that he didn't have feelings for me beyond friendship. I was heartbroken, and very hurt that I was led on, and angry at myself for ever saying anything to him. My emotions were out of whack, I didn't understand why he would suddenly change his mind, I was confused and frustrated, and he knew it because I took it out on him. Our friendship has suffered as a result. Both of us have said and done some stupid things, and we both wish we could just go back and undo ever having said anything.

This was almost a year ago (the reason I joined this forum in fact), and I still have very deep feelings for him that just won't go away. I've been desperately trying to get over him, while also trying to remain his "best friend", but it's so hard. I'm not even sure if I can call him my best friend anymore after everything that's happened, things between us just feel different now, and I wish I could go back and change things. I could have chosen not to say anything to him, I could have chosen not to acknowledge my feelings for him, but I didn't... and I ended up getting very hurt and losing the closeness that we once had.

The problem was, neither of us took the time to really think about what we were feeling, or what we wanted before we opened our mouths. He thought he felt something more than what it was, and didn't figure that out until he had already said something to me, so I got hurt. I wanted something more than what he wanted and wasn't willing to let it go and move on, so then he got hurt as well and our friendship suffered. I regret that more and more every day. Don't let that happen to you. You can choose to not act on those feelings if he does not want the same thing you do. Otherwise you WILL get hurt and most likely lose the friendship. Keep the friendship intact and let this go. Invest your feelings in someone who wants what you do. Good luck.