Thread: A case of epically stuck. [Advice?]

Alright, so some of you may know me from the very few posts I had over at the Sex forum but...there are other parts of my life I need a little bit of help with. Be warned...this is VERY long.

At the age of 14(fourteen) I became sexually active as a way to rebel against my parents. My father was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia and was in the hospital around that time--and I had tried to kill myself due to a lot of stress and peer pressure. Anywho--

When I was 14, I met someone whom I started talking with a lot. By age 16, I had made my way down to South Carolina to meet this guy and the very night I got here, i asked him to be my boyfriend and we sealed the deal with some nookie. After a month I went back home and didn't get to actually see him until he came to my graduation party. after that, he moved in two weeks later. He lived with me and my parents for six months before returning home. Three months after he left, I moved down here to be with him on a more permanent basis.

For the last three years we have been together. I have just turned 22 and January would have marked our 6 year anniversary. However, I left him 17 days after my birthday. I mean, i packed my bags and moved in with my parents--who also moved to SC.

The reason:

For the entire first year we lived together I had no job and no drivers license. I got up at 9am and cleaned the apartment until Noon, at which time I would start preparing dinner. He would get home around 3:30pm and his supper would be ready. after he took his daily constitutional, I would fix his plate and serve it to him. I made his lunch every night for him and made sure he even had a little snack. The clothes were picked up and put away to be taken to his father's house since at the time we did not have a washer and dryer. When I took the clothes to his fathers house, I washed, hung out, folded and brought home to put away for him so he didn't have anything to do. At the time I felt it was solely my responsibility to take care of him since he worked a 40 hour+ week to keep our apartment.

He came home, every day and took his , then sat down in front of the television to play his video games. I mean, that was all he did until it was time for him to start getting ready for bed around 8:30 or 9:00pm.

The next year I got my DL and even managed to find a part time job working at a fine arts store. I still came home, cleaned the house, made supper, packed his lunch and at that time--we had just gotten a new washer and dryer of our own, so I even made sure his clothes were washed, dried, folded and put away. the only thing I asked him to do was the dishes and take the trash from the porch to the dumpster which was down a few steps and immediately to the left about thirty feet. He told me that since he worked more hours than I did, I got more days off, and he worked harder than I did, it was still my responsibility to keep the house up and make sure he had food to eat. I said okay because, well, he was right. So I continued to do. He also proposed to me and I accepted.

While I worked at the fine arts store, I injured my ankle to the point it was hard to walk or stand. Now, I may not have been doing as hard of work as he was, but when you have to lift boxes weighing more than fifty pounds over your head for about six hours a day-four days a week it does get tiring. I also helped with stocking and with our trucks so I stayed busy constantly. I would come home and my ankle would be so swollen that I had to pull the shoelaces almost completely out of my shoe to get it off, and then wet my sock to slide it off with minimal pain.

He would ask me to go on walks, go hiking or fishing or even camping and while I have done and love to do all of that, with my ankle so injured at that point, I had to tell him no. I understand that saying no to him was MY mistake, as was enabling him to continually play his games and no do anything. But moving on--
Finally, he stopped asking and just continued to play his games. I still continued to work and clean the house.

I quit my job at the fine art store because of minimal hours and moved on to work at a gas station. I worked 5-7, 10 hour days in a row, standing on my fee the whole time without a lunch break. Yes I still came home, after being awake for more hours than he was and cooked, cleaned and did the laundry. I even managed to cart his Uncle to and from NC for his transplant Doctor's appointments. Apparently, working like I was was still not as hard as he was working and I was still expected to take care of all the home things. I will admit, he DID clean the bathroom. And, after seeing how he did the laundry...I forbade him from ever touching the washer and dryer again. His only jobs still were the trash and the dishes. He told me that he got sick and tired of being the only one that washed the dishes and took out the trash...So he allowed me to start using the dishwasher again and I had to take the trash out.

After three years of living in the apartment, we moved in with his father since the old man has come to a rough spot. This was in...September of this year. In November, on my birthday, I told him that if he did not start changing, that I could not stay with him. I explained to him that I was sick and tired of doing everything constantly for him, even though we had moved in with his father. I still cooked, cleaned and did the laundry (I had lost my job in June of this year). I told him that I couldn't stand the way he treated me when I asked him for a hug or a kiss--He always acted like it was so much of a chore to hug or kiss me. I come from a very huggy family while he comes from the typical southern family. Boys don't cry, they don't coddle, they just take it and grow stronger. He would give me annoyed sighs, dirty looks and his body language itself spoke of how much he didn't want to do that for me.

He wasn't emotionally involved in the relationship and I couldn't take it. I couldn't take how he refused to go out with me, even though I had moved passed the ankle pain, overcome it because I knew it was hurting HIM, not being able to go out. But when we DID go out, it was never as the couple we were. He wouldn't hug me, kiss me and complained about holding my hand in public.

He looked at me and told me that the way I was feeling was because of the books I read and the television that I watched. "Men are not supposed to whine and cry like little beeches and ask what color you want their nails to be painted." He said that to me. I told him that I needed him to be emotionally there for me because it was killing me to just nod and agree anymore. He hates arguments, he hates confrontation, he hates me talking loud and complaining. However, I was the only one that talked, the only one that complained and the only one that was invested in the relationship on more than a material level for almost 6 years.

Well, after i told him he needed to change or I was leaving, I left. It took me physically packing my bags and leaving for him to even see where I was coming from. That it had to come to that should have made me realize that it just wasn't meant to be. I wanted to try and be friends with him, which was a mistake. I set up his therapy appointments, the ones he said he needed because he had a lot of issues to work on, and I went with him to the first one. Every time he would take me out, he was subconsciously guilt tripping me to come back because I had become his crutch. And I...finally told him that I couldn't talk to him at all because I was not sleeping well, was not eating well and was generally moody towards even my own parents.

he said fine.

A few other things you should know:
he says he is a born-again Christian which I don't doubt, but...there are times.
He told me that if i got any tattoos or anymore piercings that he would not look at me, nor touch/kiss me.
He thought I would leave him for any guy with a bigger penis so I stopped having any kind of male friend, at all.
He did not allow me to drink, even at social gatherings, because he hated alcohol.
I got a special invitation to go to a club party with a few local rappers--and that same night I had bought for myself a bottle of Smiernoff ICE. He found my bottle the next morning, dumped it out and stuck my invitation down the neck of it. When he got home, he almost kicked me out of the apartment and told me that if I wanted to drink then I could "get the out."
___

What I am actually stuck on though, is getting back out there. I don't want to have a one night stand, I don't want to have sex with anyone. As I posted over in the sex forum...sex for me is just...uhg. anyway--I have this friend, whom I've been talking too since April this year.

In the month of April, my former fiance and myself suffered the terrible loss of a child. That was one of the only times I have ever seen him be even remotely emotional towards me. The other time was when I was staring down the barrel of a 9mm while being robbed at my gas station. ANYWAY!

I really, REALLY like this friend of mine. He is the total opposite of the man I just broke up with. he's sweet, kind, BLUNT and to the point. He told me that I needed to get out of the relationship when I explained to him where I was. he told me that it wasn't good for me. however, I am a loyal dog and I stayed with my ex even though I knew I needed to leave.

Now I want a relationship with this guy. I know, I know, rebound comes in but, I don't honestly think it will be a rebound. However, when I talked to a psychologist, he told me that I needed to take time off and not get into any relationships for a while because if I did, they were bound to fail. I don't want this potential relationship to fail...but I really like this guy. I mean...REALLY like him. And he reciprocates. Sure, how can you really like someone after only talking to them for like 6 months? IDK, but I do. However, he lives in Ill. and this prevents us from getting together and hanging out. He and I both understand the need for me to take time to find myself, since I did a lot of changing to be with my ex, and I mean A LOT OF CHANGING. I know I need to do a bit of soul searching, but I have come to rely on this friend of mine. We talk every day, regardless of what we are doing. he's been really helping me through this whole break up and...well, I think he's kind of become my crutch. But whenever I think about not talking to him, my heart races a little and I get stomach pains. when I do talk to him, I feel a light headed and tingly, something I never felt with my ex, even though I did love him at one point.

So...I am epically stuck. Any advice/help?
thank you to everyone who managed to read all of this and a special thanks to those who think they can help. I really do appreciate every suggestion or show of support I can get because...it really does mean a lot.