Thread: Re-marrying

Originally Posted by WildChild

Some sort of study I read years ago found that people who had a good, loving relationship were more likely to remarry soon after the death of a spouse because they wanted that positive connection. People who had a difficult or very painful marriage might stay single thereafter for life because they feared repeating the experience.

It sounds like your father was a very special and loving man whom you miss very much. Please remember that your mother's husband is not your "new" father, he is your step father, your mother's husband, not your father. No one will take your father's place, ever. You might think of your mother remarrying so fast as both a tribute to how much she loved your father, so she wanted to have that kind of loving relationship again, but also it may be very natural to be concerned that in her grief and loneliness she may have chosen too quickly.

My mother died when I was in my early 20s and before her death she talked with all of her children and family and told us that it was her wish that our father would remarry and she expected us to be supportive of that. The first couple women he came up with we gave a thumbs down on. Then he found a winner, they dated about a year and married a little less than two years after my mom died. That was over 30 years ago. She is not my mother but she has become a loving and supportive freind. I feel very fortunate in that. Loving my stepmother doesn't mean that I love my mother less. I have two children I love both of them devotedly, if I had four, I'd love them all just as devotedly. Love is not something that you only hav a tiny measure of, that has to be rationed. In fact the more of it you feel and give, the more you will have to share.

Don't judge your mother in this. Only she can know her heart. If this was a good choice, then over time you can be glad for her, if it was over hurried, she may need your love and support later. Hope for her that her new husband will be a loving and caring man to her for many years. It is fine to talk to your father and feel his love and care. But he is in spirit now and you need to also interact lovingly with people in the flesh.

Given time you will find that your pain is much less. For now be good to yourself, loving to your mother and at least pleasant to her husband.

Yeah..i know ive been a little rough to him but I dont want to..maybe i just sound like a spoiled child but never...I dont like him and maybe I just really miss my dad....it sometimes furiates me when i see them holding hands and stuff....idk Im just messed up about all this, I feel betrayed somehow, I know my dad perhaps is happy that my mom is happy right now but I still have this feeling of hate inside...