Dont understand

**babette** · 12-26-2010 08:33 AM

I am 16 I had a misscarage when i was 15 with the bf i am still with now and i feel like i want a baby dead bad. every time i see a baby i go dead brudy i am currently taking the pill and i am thinking of having a baby after new year but i dont understand why am i so brudy for a baby at the age i am. i have been wanting a baby for a year nearly now and its doing my head right in but whyy am i thinking of it all the time

**babette** · 12-26-2010 08:47 AM

I am 16 my bf is 20 and we have been together for a year and a half now and i am getting the urge to start my own family. but i dont know why. is this normal? My fella is looking for a flat for me and him and we have spoke about me stopping the pill in the new year to make a baby. when i first started going out with my bf my mum didnt agree but she agreed after a week she is totally fine with the age now i am 16 i have spoke with her about the wanting a baby so bad and she just said its up to me. i lost my dad when i was 13,14 and he promised me he would see my children but obv couldnt so my mum dont mind really. but i just want to know is this normal? why have i got the urge? i know most people will say no to young but i feel like it will make me complete and i can have my own family to be proud of i even trying get a job to get mony for my self.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-26-2010 08:51 AM

First of all, sorry for any feelings of loss that you have experienced. As for wanting to get pregnant now... Are you lonely? Do you feel like no one loves you? Or no one loves you enough? One of the biggest reasons young teenage girls have babies... whether they realize it or not, is for something to love them unconditionally... another reason is an act of control, to be a grown up, 'no one can tell you that you aren't a grown up when you have a baby' type attitude.

Do yourself a favor and ask yourself, really honestly if you would want YOURSELF for a mother, right now, at your age. If you could pick your mother, would you pick yourself? A woman that is confused about whether or not she even wants you, or would you want a woman that was settled in her life... that wanted to bring a baby into the world for no other reason than she thought she could give it a great opportunity in this world ?

I'm guess you didn't plan the first pregnancy, but now are feeling the sense of loss... and so maybe thats whats driving this desire... but stop and think about the baby itself. Not how cute it will be when you push it down the street in its pram, not those adorable baby tennis shoes you saw in the mall... babies are only babies for a fraction of the time. a fraction. They grow up so fast and soon you will find that every decision you make in your life will be centered on whats best for your baby.

The money, no you won't get to get that new cute dress, you will need to buy your child what they need first, and oh, how they need. My son is a young teenager now, a couple years younger than yourself and every sentence he begins to me starts out with "i want this" "i need that" "can you get me this" etc.. not to mention money worries when it comes college funds, their wedding if they'll have one etc... oh there's medical insurance, and cavities, and falling off their skateboard 800 dollar trips to the emergency room, theres the brand name clothes that they 'will die' if they don't get...Then you will do all of that stuff and sacrafice and go without so often and then when you don't get them one thing they 'want'... they will tell you how much they wish you weren't their mom, after everything you've done... it really is a thankless job lol..

Of course one day when they are grown they will appologise for putting you through so much, and say thank you for being such a great mom.... but you have to be prepared to dedicate your whole life to making someone elses life be something that matters... thats what motherhood really is... it isn't a cute little baby bump that your friends rub and go oooh your so lucky, i hope she's a girl and you can call her some cool name.

Just think about it... think about the impact this will have on your life and ask yourself if you are ready for it. Do you still get overly emotional? I'm sure you do, you are a teenager with raging hormones... do you still throw mild tantrums when you don't get your way? Whether with your bf or your own parents? You really have to think if you are ready to be as unselfish as motherhood requires... I mean really really think about it... and say

Your only 16 once, enjoy it. Live it up. Get your education, go to your parties and have you fun... travel, etc... life isn't over when you have a baby... but life is different and no longer about you, but about them. Its not something you should do on purpose without having given yourself time to grow into the kind of woman that is prepared to make all those sacrafices.

**BabyGirl** · 12-26-2010 09:32 AM

Sweetie,
First it is natural to want to be a Mother ( for most young women). Though you have not finished Maturing yet, your hormones are not thru, your body is not finished growing. You still have a few years to go to become a "Full Blown Woman".

Having A Baby will Not necessarily make you Complete. You have things a bit backwards here.

"You are trying to get a job and Money for yourself "?
Honey, You need your Education Completed First, so you can get a job, to have money to support yourself, have a place to Live, have medical in order to have Health care when & if you do get Pregnant, so your baby and yourself are both healthy.
You need to be able to afford a Child. afford the Clothes, the Diapers, the Car seats and Prams and so many other things that it takes to raise a Child.

Unless you have an Excellent job with Maternity Leave & Medical you will not be able to continue working that job throughout the Pregnancy. Have you thought out Just who is going to pay for this Child ? Who is going to Support it, What if it gets sick, What if You get sick ?
What if your Boyfriend doesn't stay ? A baby does not guarantee a Lasting Forever Loving Relationship. If you believe that you and He are The " Right Ones " For each other, ?

Then be Mature, Both of You .. Finish School, get good Careers, save and build towards your own futures together, Wait 5 years and then Start a family. knowing that the Child will have a Secure and Loving home that was well thought out ahead of time and that you both planned for it's future.

You may want a Baby, But what you must do is Want it enough to wait and make sure that it will have the Healthy Happy Life that every Child Deserves .

**WildChild** · 12-26-2010 09:37 AM

It sounds like you are wanting to fill an emotional void by having a baby, that isn't often very effective. You loved and miss your father and it is natural that you want to recreate that family bond and grouping.

Being 16, needing to be employed and to earn an income and having a baby, is very difficult to do. How could you work and care for a child? You would love your baby but have to leave it with someone else while you went to work and a lot of your pay would go to paying them to care for your child. If you had your education and years of experience so you were established in your work, you would be much more likely to be able to do this successfully.

Many women, either consciously or subconsciously, see having a baby as a way to keep a man with them. Sometimes that does work but not often enough to make it an option. All too often women and her children end up living in poverty, barely scraping by. You don't want that for yourself or your child.

Many young women feel this strong urge, it is probably in part the hormone changes in your body and moving toward adulthood. We no longer have a life expectancy in our 30s and a need to reproduce quickly. If you wait a bit, work on your education. skills training, getting established working, you will probably find that these feeling greatly decrease and even change to not wanting a baby until you are older. Why not give it time? Get more established in life. You have so much changing and growing and developing to do in the next several years, that in 5 or 6 years you may not recognize the person you are now. You and your bf are still in the infatuation phase, that chemical high lasts up to 2 years and its possible that by the time you hit the 2-1/2 to 3 year point you will be feeling differently.

Give yourself time, get some life experience and education, See how you feel when you are 20 and he is 24?

**jns** · 12-26-2010 10:33 AM

Excellent points, HD.

There is only one point to hit again and again. Money. At 16 you likely have never been responsible for getting all of the money that is needed to run a household and for spending it responsibly. Maybe, but not likely, your mom and/or your dad will let you get involved in the family finances and learn how to juggle things so the bills get paid on time. It takes a lot of money.

It will take a lot of somebody's money if you were to have a baby. The payout isn't just one time, like buying something, but every week and every month. When you don't have the money because you have to pay for baby food, you will not be able to buy those cute baby shoes or that cute outfit. It is better to wait until you have the resources to pay for all of the expenses. Do you want to have to go back to school or to work, instead of being with your baby, due to needing money to survive?

**babette** · 12-26-2010 11:52 AM

Thank you so much you have all been a good help on understanding why i am like this.
the misscarrage wasnt planned but when i found out i was pregnant i was so happy and my fella was but then i carried on taking the pill dont know why i never thought and pluss doing dance and the doctor sair thats what could of done it and i was about 10 weeks gone. my fella is working but looking for a better job and i am looking and failing on finding a job where a 16 year old can acctually do it. i just want to sort everything out like have money so my baby whenever i have one can have sweets and cloths. The one thing i keep thinking of is this- I had my misscarrage last december so this december i would have a baby with me but for x mass i wasnt able get anyone anything my fella mum or bro couldnt get nothing so i got upset thinking if that baby survived it would of had a rubbish 1st x mass really as it wouldnt have anything for x mass. i want the baby to be able go school and say i got this and that for x mass so they dont get bullied like i did. im hoping i get a job because i want to start banking money for the day i do have one. and also when i am 18 i got a massive pay out coming to me what my dad left its alot of money so i know i could afford it then its just now.

**WildChild** · 12-26-2010 12:40 PM

Good idea to find a job and start saving. Keep in mind that what matters most to a child isn't the stuff beyond what is needed for a comfortable life but the time, attention, education and love that they get.

What seems like a massive amount of money to you now, could still be very quickly run through. I know someone who inheirited a million, blew through it in a year and had nothing to show for it. Educate your self about money, finances, investments and what things cost before you are 18.

**babette** · 12-26-2010 12:49 PM

I will deffenatly do that

just trying find jobs now on the internet that will take on 16 year olds i havent got a clue where start or what places will want me all i know is i cant work in a chippy to young