Is there happieness after divorce?

**emotional** · 12-27-2010 11:51 AM

I've been battling the divorce decision for almost 2 years now. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep almost everynight. But, I fear it'll be worse after the divorce in regards to my 7 year old daughter. I can't stand the thought of being away from her. I fear those weekends and holidays she's with her dad will be worse then being in a loveless relationship. Is there anyone that has been through this that can give me some advise/words of wisdom.

**pretzel** · 12-27-2010 12:41 PM

Staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy will ultimately effect your daughter. Even at 7 she can see how unhappy you really are. Kids aren't as stupid as they sometimes seem.

Being happy is only something that you can do for yourself. The more you fear what life would be like making your own decisions about your happiness will only cause you to want to do that less. You'll end up fighting yourself wondering why you're not happy since the divorce, why this or why that.

Being single again and having a child won't be easy. Is the alternative (i.e. staying married) easier? Is it happier? Is it going to get better? (that one I'll answer for you, probably not)

Yeah, not having your child every other weekend, missing some holidays, missing some of the things you shared as a family before is hard, but that doesn't mean that it's not a chance to make your own new memories. Maybe that will include someone else in your life, maybe not.

**Seeker_Advice** · 12-27-2010 02:08 PM

Children would rather come from a broken home then live in one

I've been divorced for almost thirteen years. Unlike most men, I can admit that I took it right on the chin emotionally after making what was the most difficult decision of my life...divorcing. In my honest opnion, divorce stinks! It isn't easy, it isn't fun and it NEVER ends when you have a child between you. A person much wider than I once told me that divorce, with child(ren) involved, is worse than death...at least with death there is some closure. Divorce is an open sore that never heals. It gets better, but never really heals. You'll have school functions, sports, summer camp, homecoming, college, wedding, grandchildren, etc. all to share with your ex.

Yes, divorce is tough, but based on my situation, i wouldn't have it any other way. It's what I had to do in the best interest of all parties involved. My children aren't the same as they would have been had we shared the same home all of these years....how could they be.

For the man/father, at least where I live, it's the most dramatic change. I, by the "fairness" of our local court system...er...industry was reduced from a father to a visitor in my own children's lives. Cheat 3, the third man that my ex cheated on me with that I know about, has seen my children more, way more than I have over the last twelve plus years, but there is not a thing I can/could do about it. I was the one who filed and I was not awarded primary physical custody of my own children. So, in a sense, I slit my own throat for the benefit of my children...

If the situaton were the same today, knowing what I know now, I'd do the same thing tomorrow to benefit those same children...in a heartbeat.

Will you find love again? Will you ever be loved again? ONLY IF you open up your heart and mind again and allow yourself the opportunity to take the same risk the first time you fell in love. Only now, you've been stung by the pain or potential pain of a divorce. It will take more effort on your part to go there a second time.
Don't rush it. Let it come to you. As the saying goes "Once bitten twice shy" I know, I've been there.

I have loved three women since my divorce was final and it took me a while. I'm slower than most of my buddies were and the last in line...so to speak.

I am so crazy in love, head over heels with a woman right now that it's hard for me to put into words well enough to explain it to people. My children don't ever remember me being happier...and they're probably right.

Yeah, it gets better! Yes, you'll love again! Yes, you'll be loved again and probably like you've never been loved before. The knight on the white horse is gone because he never existed. Your child will be different but better because of it. If you have any doubts, refer to the opening statement in bold type.

I wish you the best.

**WildChild** · 12-27-2010 02:10 PM

This is a big adjustment. The really big issue is, do you trust her father to be a good parent with your child, alone? That doesn't mean will he parent like you do but will she be safe and well cared for? If the answer is yes, then this is just a matter of everyone adjusting to doing things a little differently. If the answer is no, then you have other issues to deal with and will need to talk with an attorney about it.

This could give your child more time with their father than they have had in the past and you some time to yourself.

**JustHormonious** · 12-27-2010 07:56 PM

Divorce is a big decision especially when children are involved. You have to do what is right for you. If you have been contemplating this for 2 years you already know. I think happiness comes when you let go of what's hurting you. In my opinion 2nd times a charm...

**evaone** · 12-27-2010 08:27 PM

when you are not happy theirs no way for you to stay, is it not possible if you will bring your child with you? i mean your the mother and supposedly your the one who will took care of your child. i believe that anyone deserves a second chance. for now all i can say to you is used the power of prayer as your best weapon coz im sure God will never fail you.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 12-28-2010 09:42 AM

Is there happiness afte divorce? When you're in a very unhappy loveless marriage, how can there NOT be happiness after divorce? Look at it that way. When you're in love, happy, and feel loved and respected by your partner, the sacrifices and compromises you make feel very worth it. But the kicker is, when you're in an UNHAPPY loveless marriage, you still have to make those same sacrifices and compromises..... but it makes things so much more difficult. You're going to feel a sense of freedom you have not felt in years. There's something easier about dealing with loneliness when you're actually alone, than it is to deal with loneliness when you're husband is in the same room. If will take some time, but if you're happy, you're daughter will be too.

**JadedQueen** · 12-31-2010 08:58 AM

How long have you been married? What are the problems in the relationship and is there any possible way they can be worked out? If there is no way to work out the problems and you are miserable every day... that is having a negative effect on your daughter. Going through a divorce is very difficult and emotional... you will question if you made the right decision a time or ten but if you are miserable every single day, and you are crying yourself to sleep every single night it's not healthy emotionally or mentally. If it hasn't happened already this will start to take a toll on your physical health (depression, ulcers, lack of sleep etc...)
I was married for 12 years and the last 2 were miserable for me. I wasn't happy and as hard as I tried I no longer loved this man that was my husband. I was depressed and going through the motions. We had a son together (at the time I decided to get a divorce our son was 5 years old). My soon to be ex was angry and very bitter. He pleaded with me to work things out and I would have considered it if for years I expressed to him that I wasn't happy with our relationship (his job caused him to travel at least 7 months of the year and when he was home he was down in the basement on his computer and would send me an instant message asking what was for dinner, we barely spoke to each other) and we needed to work on it only for him to tell me..."If you don't like it and you aren't happy then leave" which after 5 years of being told this I finally got the message, he's not going to change, he doesn't want to change and my options are to put up with it... or leave.
I realized that even if he did change, I no longer loved him and his efforts were too little too late. I tried to make things as equal as possible and we lived close enough to have shared custody of our son eliminating the need for a babysitter. Our son was either with me, with my ex or at school and after enough time passed we were able to maintain a friendship and actually got along better then we did when we were married. So as difficult and impossible as things seem right now... there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you deserve to be happy and your daughter deserves to have a mom that isn't sad, depressed and miserable. Try to keep things as civil as possible for your daughters sake.

**oxy-moron** · 01-23-2011 01:15 AM

The answer to your question is probably no- unfortunately.
The chance of a second marriage being successful is statistically low - About 36% I think.
I believe this is partly because the issues that broke the first marriage are not fixed for the second marriage or relationship. People put too much trust in the magic of love and decisions made when they are infatuated and obsessed.
What is the main problem with the marriage - Is he mistreating you- abusing substances- cheating on you. What things have you tried to provide a fix. ?

**stressed** · 01-23-2011 07:02 AM

Originally Posted by oxy-moron

The chance of a second marriage being successful is statistically low - About 36% I think.

This could be because many people who divorce just don't want to marry again. It doesn't prove that they don't find love again, or they are unhappy. Marriage doesn't bring happiness by itself and people can be in love without being married.