Thread: Need level-headed advice on best friend problems

For the advice. I appreciate your ability to look at both sides of this (it's hard when you're angry... which is why I needed some time to calm down). By the way, just to let you know, I DID ask her if we could keep my cat. I brought him to our apartment right before she left for the summer, and she was fine with it then. He never ruined any of her things, he was just stressed out by the move, and ending up urinating on MY things to tell me he was angry. So it was really not affecting her, other than the litterbox smell (which I kept clean).

Also, of course I should have been paying attention and at least asked about the bills. I really don't mind paying them, and I always ALWAYS paid them on time when she would tell me about them. I just don't have over $100 to cough out when my roommate pays them without telling me, and then wants reimbursement. Also, the reason I didn't know about them is because I am generally never home, and our bills never come in at the same time. My roommate was always home, and always checking the mail, and throughout the year ALWAYS told me when we got them. I don't understand why she didn't.

Anyway, I do see that I am also at fault here. I should have paid more attention. But I am still angry that she couldn't do me that courtesy. But thanks for the advice. I really do appreciate it.

Originally Posted by KMonte85

This situation RIGHT HERE that you have described is why best friends quite often do NOT make the best roommates... too many feelings involved, too personal, too close. Roommates work best when they're associates in a lease, not bff's.

I am going to give you my honest opinion here. From what you've described, you were both wrong in the things you did to each other while living together. There is no right person, you both have reason to be angry with one another. She should have been upfront with you about whatever was bothering her when she can back from her internship. Instead, she chose to be passive aggressive, obsess over cleaining, go through whatever bout of depression she seemed to be dealing with. She closed herself off, and then was angry with you when you didn't quite understand what was bothering her. That isn't fair to you. You can't read minds, and if she was really bothered by something (either with you, or whatever else might have been going on), she really owed it to you to speak up.

On the other hand, she isn't your personal assistant - part of living independantly from parents is knowing ON YOUR OWN that bills are coming due and need to be paid, and then being responsible for paying them. Sure, she didn't tell you about them, but you're smart, you're a grown up, you should be aware that if anything in life is certain, it is the bills will be mailed. And if you can't afford to live on your own, then you don't live on your own... never expect a roommate to cover for you, and then feel slighted when they don't want to pay. You weren't being walked all over, you were being expected to be a responsible roommate and pay your way, the fact that her family has more money is of no consequence here. Also, bringing your cat without asking her was not a great roommate move, at least you should have taken the cat back when she returned from her internship. She very likely wasn't a cat person, and yes cats can "smell" even when their litter boxes are clean. Although, it was good of you to agree to take your cat back to your parents, but she shouldn't have been brought in the first place.

So there you go, you've got an outsider's opinion. Now what... Do you want your best friend back? Or do you want to leave things as they are and move on without her in your life?

__________

Thank you for the response. I just wanted to let you know that I DID ask her if we could keep my cat, and she was fine with it. He moved in right before she left the state, and everything was fine then. Only later did he start freaking out, and only ended up destroying things that belonged to me, not her.

And please believe me, I understand that we all need to stand on our own two feet. I never ever expected her to pay the bills for me, nor did I ask to borrow money from her. I was upset because I asked her to let me know when bills came in, so I could pay little by little, which I never had a problem with. It was just hard for me to give $100+ upfront when I had been used to paying the bills as they came. But yes, I should have been more attentive. That is true.

Thank you for the advice. I really needed someone to hit me over the head for a second. It was starting to eat away at me a little, which means I should probably talk to her, like you said, as a friend and not a former roommate with whom I had problems.

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

You have to evaluate your friendship, and forgoe the living situation...You can't live together, she is OCD...She can't help herself but to clean, and everything has to be perfect, not tidy and cat litter in a house would not be suitable for those types of people.....

Yes, I too agree, you bought the cat in without asking, and she didn't like it....

Yes, she paid the bills but just because a person has more money, they will not do something as an "act of kindness" nor should that be expected, in this World, we stand on our own two feet, regardless.... But, yes, she could have informed you when they came in, however, you both should have gaged what they might add up to, when they come in and have already saved for that, you don't move into a place, without a budget and without knowing you can afford it....

So, evaluate your realtionship taking the living together, out of it...

She cried? Why? Frustrated? It's hard to live with a different person than yourself, it's life....

If you two were mates, bonding mates, close before all of this? Lesson learnt always communicate, ask if you bring in a pet, be responsible for your own debts and plan in advance if it's more, then you have to find it, if it's less then you have extra left over.....now you know a couple of rules from living with someone and sharing a home and responsibilities....

CW

Okay, this is silly. I am just going to talk to my friend instead of posting on a forum. I am sure that will do me a world of good as compared to this! Case closed.