How would you cope?

**Brokenwings** · 01-14-2011 05:29 AM

I am going to try and keep this short but sweet.

Me and the SO have been together for less than 2 years and involed in a LDR. we love each other so much and get on so well on so many different levels. In the time we have been together, we have shared such great moments together. However, there remains a huge problem. He is always thinks he is right .. when clearly he isnt. Im very open minded and try to see things from both perspectives. But when we have a disagreement he seems to go days without cntacting me and I always have to make the first move. There have been couple times where he has but 80% of the time its always me and its really annoying. He is the most stubborn person in the world, to points i feel i dont want to have my say otherwise he will get angry and stop speaking to me.

I have spoken to him so many times in different approaches and told him have a cooling period if you must but then speak to me dont go days without speaking to me thats wrong. If there is a problem speak to me about it so we can overcome any issues. But obviously he doesnt listen and carries on this stubborn game of his.

We hardly see each other, which will soon change as we want to marry this year, but this behaviour drives me potty. Over a small encounter the other day .. we have gone a few days without speaking to each other. Now i dont always want to keep running back because i feel drained and it really has got to that point i just dont want to. Its his personality as he is stubborn but i dont think he gives this treatment to everyone the whole silent game.

How do you deal with difficult stubborn people?

**Seeker_Advice** · 01-14-2011 05:41 AM

To me, and it's only my opinion (I am male), there is a lot more going on here than your SO being stubborn.

I see thetwo of you as having communication difficulties. Communication is very important in any relationship that lasts.

His being stubborn may lead to the lack of communication, but it's the lack of communication....going for several days without speaking....that concerns me.

If it were me, I wouldn't get married until you get this matter resolved. Do you really want to go for several days without talking with your spouse?

It's just my opinion...

**stressed** · 01-14-2011 06:04 AM

Did I get it wrong or are you planning to marry this year without having lived together first? If that is so, cancel the wedding immediately. You can't marry someone you hardly know. You hardly talk to each other but want to marry? Why?

**Brokenwings** · 01-14-2011 10:18 AM

Hello,
Not to get off the point, but I just want advice on how to cope with this behaviour? Not whether we should get married or not xxx

**stressed** · 01-14-2011 03:12 PM

You can't change a person's behavior, because he's not a dog who needs training

If you want to cope with someone you hardly talk with and have decided to marry anyway... (yes, I insist) ... argh, I honestly can give no advice on this one.

It just seems you're two different characters with communication issues. His behavior annoys you, he doesn't listen to you, he won't talk to you, blames you...

Counseling?

How old is he?

Maybe if you would just give us another description of your relationship and be more specific with the problems we'd be able to give you a better advice? Because your initial post makes us think of a couple too immature and incompatible to marry, so it's hard to focus on anything else. (only being bluntly honest, but I do want to help if I can).

**Brokenwings** · 01-14-2011 03:23 PM

I'm from an Asian background meaning we can't live together before marriage.
So having spent two years getting to know each other is a big thing!!!

Secondly we talk all the time, but if there is an argument or disagreement I seem that it can never be my way as he always thinks he's right!

**stressed** · 01-14-2011 03:31 PM

Progress!

But, do you mean you argue on the phone/online? Because it's not the same as dating and being face to face (I've done it). He can't just stop talking to you then, he will have to. Online and on the phone anything can happen and he can be whoever he wants to be.

Have you had sex with him yet?

**Brokenwings** · 01-14-2011 03:38 PM

Well the arguments over small things, he takes things the wrong way and I always ask him what's wrong n always explain myself, but he can go long periods without speaking to me which isn't healthy and drains me out! We do see each other once a while but even then he cant give ignore me but give short blunt answers lol, I feel like Im dealing with a difficult child at times

**jns** · 01-14-2011 08:56 PM

In a LDR, lack of communications is a nail in the coffin. If he cannot communicate, even when he is upset and do it in a civil fashion, he may not be the one. Compromise is also very important. Do you want this lack of compromise in a marriage? You two should be talking often and spending a lot of time verbally having fun together. Has he softened his stance on things even a little bit.

**Brokenwings** · 01-15-2011 03:22 AM

We do talk often and a lot everyday, and when we get on we get on like a house on fire and never can get enough...

But the problem is when things are not good, I can't seem 2 have any control of the situation. If it's an argument he gets heated up and forsnt want to talk 4 days and sometimes he ignores me, but if it's bickering it's a case of who makes the first contact?

The whole no communication really does get to me n drains me out, n i think I have used all different approaches in order 2 deal with it effectively but nothing seems to work! I have however found out he does take things the wrong way so I always try 2 explain myself yet that's not good enough as once he has made up his mind that's it