Where did the spark go?
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years now and I feel like the spark is gone. I love my boyfriend more than anyone else in this world but I don't feel attracted to him as much as I did before. Is this normal? It feels like all the romance, all the passion has disappeared. I don't know if it's just me or if he feels it too and I don't know how to get around asking him. Where did the spark go?
- Do you live together?
- Do you spend much quality time together?
- Do you laugh together?
- Are you both working and spending too much time on anything but each other?
- Is sex satisfying?
- Have you discussed marriage?
- Is he affectionate towards you?
There must be something that drags you down.
It sounds to me like you and he are past the infatuation stage. How is your life together now different than it was when you last felt that spark?Originally Posted by SimplyChaotic
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
...
Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?
Patrick Henry
Its just as much your responsibility to keep that spark going as it is his... so if you want to keep things alive, exciting, fun and intimate... you have to put in some effort... and ask him to do the same. Has he gotten too comfortable? Is he not complimenting you or showing you affection? Does he not hit on you and flirt with you? And what about you... are you still showing him how much he means to you? Are you taking for granted the things he does to make you happy? Are you saying thank you? Are you hitting on him and making him feel like he still excites you?
Relationships don't have to get boring the older they get any more than people have to get boring the older they get... keeping things fresh and fun, trying new things both sexually and just in life in general can keep the momentum going for as long as you want it to.
Have fun with him, send flirty/sexy texts... hang out with other couples, start exercising together or going for hikes/walks ... spending quality time away from the tv.. asking him about his day, sharing yours... taking an interest in his goals and sharing yours to allow him to do the same.
A good relationship is like a plant, given proper attention it can flourish and grow and last forever... put it in a dark corner and forget about it and it will eventually dry up.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
The chemical flood subsides and then you start finding out what you have, what you really have in common, what the two of you have created between you.
What things do you like to share?
Have you established any little inside jokes, trigger words, special play - things that only the two of you really know the meaning of?
Keeping a vibrant relationship doesn't just happen, you have to create it - both of you.
I know people who have been together for anywhere from 30 to 55 years who still have it. They've had their ups and downs but they have worked at keeping that spark alive.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
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