Sustain the test of Time...

**Maximus** · 01-18-2011 05:38 AM

Can a couple sustain the test of Time when there is no sexual compatibility, but a lot of tenderness, all around Love ?

-- The view on lack of compatibility is one-sided since the other part is over the Moon so to speak/and it seems.

**chaya** · 01-18-2011 06:10 AM

A year ago I would have said yes but today I say no.

**stressed** · 01-18-2011 06:17 AM

No, it cannot.

**KMonte85** · 01-18-2011 06:45 AM

It is hard to say unless you are in that situation... but to give my 2 cents:

If a person values love and tenderness more than they value a flourishing sexlife, then yes, I think it is possible - but they have to be honest with themselves, and make a conscious decision. It takes a special kind of person who can do this successfully.

If a person is inately sexual (no amount of "deciding" can turn off that drive), and he or she isn't finding satisfaction to the point that it becomes more than just an unscratched itch, well, then animosity and resentment can grow, which of course will ruin an 'otherwise perfect' relationship.

**WildChild** · 01-18-2011 08:02 AM

There has to be balance. For some people sex just isn't all that important, in other cases what satisfies one sexually is very different than what the other needs.
I think that long term a couple with lots of tenderness and love can be very good friends and even room mates but unless that is what you want, it won't work as a couple. Is an open relationship or polyamoury an option?

**Maximus** · 01-18-2011 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

There has to be balance. For some people sex just isn't all that important, in other cases what satisfies one sexually is very different than what the other needs.
I think that long term a couple with lots of tenderness and love can be very good friends and even room mates but unless that is what you want, it won't work as a couple.

I, for one, value the connection, the tenderness and love. The sex is not that important, until I feel the pressure. Then, it's very hard to forget about it. But I can go a while without it. In a way, we interact as room mates, at least I do not recognize the same elements of passion, and longing.
Yet, I can look at her in awe for hours...

Originally Posted by WildChild

Is an open relationship or polyamoury an option?

Not an option if one has a family, and that family requires harmony. I don't think an open relationship or polyamoury are good options, more like ways to escape, and still nurture the fear to be without the one you profess to love.

**jns** · 01-18-2011 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by Virgile

Can a couple sustain the test of Time when there is no sexual compatibility, but a lot of tenderness, all around Love ?

-- The view on lack of compatibility is one-sided since the other part is over the Moon so to speak/and it seems.

Originally Posted by WildChild

There has to be balance. For some people sex just isn't all that important, in other cases what satisfies one sexually is very different than what the other needs.
I think that long term a couple with lots of tenderness and love can be very good friends and even room mates but unless that is what you want, it won't work as a couple. Is an open relationship or polyamoury an option?

If the lack of sexual compatibility is addressed and dealt with in a way that doesn't lead to strong sexual frustration, then it is possible. There is a strong bonding issue created by chemicals released by orgasm as well as euphoric feelings. These can cause a person to lust after someone in an irrational way. As long as the person with those feelings can ignore them or redirect them to their partner they should be able to live in an open marriage. Alternately, a static situation of polyamoury, polygamy or polyandry would be better for a person who does fall in love with a third person. That third person also has to be comfortable and committed to the relationships and should be in contact to some degree with the partner. If the relationships are all built on deception or built on strongly competing interests, the relationships will most likely crumble.

**WildChild** · 01-18-2011 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by Virgile

I, for one, value the connection, the tenderness and love. The sex is not that important, until I feel the pressure. Then, it's very hard to forget about it. But I can go a while without it. In a way, we interact as room mates, at least I do not recognize the same elements of passion, and longing.
Yet, I can look at her in awe for hours...

Not an option if one has a family, and that family requires harmony. I don't think an open relationship or polyamoury are good options, more like ways to escape, and still nurture the fear to be without the one you profess to love.

Perhaps so, but loving someone also means wanting them to have what will bring them the greatest satisfaction and joy in life. If they are a person who needs an intense or deep sexual connection, adoration will not substitute for that. There are many ways to bring sexual connection and satisfaction. Quality of relationship is more important than quantity of sexual contact (this is coming from a woman for whom sex is very important). I see sex on several levels simultaneously; there is a purely physical need, flat out being horny, sometimes you just need it - now, there is loving, caring, lovemaking and then there is sacred sex - a much deeper, conscious connection.

Personally, I need a balance of all three. Its tough to find. The f-ing I've had and find that men really control that. Love making I can have and enjoy. Finding someone who is willing to explore, push some limits into the sacred and into new skills, rather than into kink, is really hard. But for those of us who need that, it really isn't a choice. It part of who we are and the journey we need to make in the flesh time. It's taken me all of 50 years to realise that I can't compromise this too much. I have for years and have been sexually frustrated and miserable. However, I drew partners who were not very loving or caring. That would make a difference, I can't really address how much, as I am still exploring that.

I'm high intimacy and sex drive and am finally seeing that being paired with a man who isn't similarly balanced, is a problem. I think a high intimacy person and a high sex drive person could work if they each have some of the other and are able to commincate well. Some Goddessess love and thrive on awe and adoration, others see that as dessert and want more of the main course. What does your lady want?

**Maximus** · 01-18-2011 10:07 AM

It would be interesting to ask and get an update.
Last time I asked she was perfectly content, only "complained" about the frequency.

**oxy-moron** · 01-19-2011 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Perhaps so, but loving someone also means wanting them to have what will bring them the greatest satisfaction and joy in life. If they are a person who needs an intense or deep sexual connection, adoration will not substitute for that. There are many ways to bring sexual connection and satisfaction. Quality of relationship is more important than quantity of sexual contact (this is coming from a woman for whom sex is very important). I see sex on several levels simultaneously; there is a purely physical need, flat out being horny, sometimes you just need it - now, there is loving, caring, lovemaking and then there is sacred sex - a much deeper, conscious connection.

Personally, I need a balance of all three. Its tough to find. The f-ing I've had and find that men really control that. Love making I can have and enjoy. Finding someone who is willing to explore, push some limits into the sacred and into new skills, rather than into kink, is really hard. But for those of us who need that, it really isn't a choice. It part of who we are and the journey we need to make in the flesh time. It's taken me all of 50 years to realise that I can't compromise this too much. I have for years and have been sexually frustrated and miserable. However, I drew partners who were not very loving or caring. That would make a difference, I can't really address how much, as I am still exploring that.

I'm high intimacy and sex drive and am finally seeing that being paired with a man who isn't similarly balanced, is a problem. I think a high intimacy person and a high sex drive person could work if they each have some of the other and are able to commincate well. Some Goddessess love and thrive on awe and adoration, others see that as dessert and want more of the main course. What does your lady want?

Very nicely put- I enjoyed reading that.