Ex boyfriend now best friend: still in love with me, could i still be in love too

**CuriousChica** · 01-21-2011 04:12 PM

so lets name my ex/best friend Pookie

pookie and i met when i was a freshman and we fell in love. we were together for a yr in a half and then he left me. broke my heart. i have been what i like to call emotional unstable ever since. i dnt trust guys etc... long story short i have never been able to b in love like i was with him ever again.

within the next year and a half we messed around on and off. he was my first and like i said before is my best friend. pookie and i have tried to get together over and over again but it never wrks. (turns out i always run b/c im afraid of being hurt like tht ever again, i coulda died!!!)

another yr past and we were hardly even talkn.

NOW... we are talking a lot more. i visit him and his parents and the rest of his family (they absolutly love me by the way and i kno they think pookie and i will get married one day lol) he wants to get back together(he even mention marriage after i finish school)...he still is in love with me. he will do anything for me and he really is the best guy i kno. he's ginueine, no doubt in my mind about that.

but once again its me. idk if i should go back to him. idk what to really do, i love him dearly and if i lost him id be tramatized. but being in love??? idk, if im still scared or what...

anyone with words of wisdom please HELP!....

**stressed** · 01-21-2011 04:23 PM

It seems like you don't trust him. He has to earn your trust before you can be in love with him again (it's also possible that you can never trust him/fall for him again).

Has he explained to you why he left you then? Maybe discussing about that time would help you understand him better and maybe feel more confident that he won't do it again. You can't force your feelings about him and you can't compromise or put your worries aside just to try again. You're both young and still learn about yourselves, but you definitely have to have an open talk about the time he did what he did and why.

**CuriousChica** · 01-21-2011 04:28 PM

i actually kno why he did it and we have open discussions about it here and there...it seems to come up not exactly the easiest conversation to avoid.... i just dnt want to think i trust and later realize i dnt...

**BabyGirl** · 01-21-2011 06:16 PM

It is good you are being cautious .
Many people just keep going to or taking back someone that hurt them. Trusting Blindly and only to find it happens over and over.

You say you know why he did it. was it a good reason or logical reason, if it was reversed and you left him, would you feel that it was a good or logical Reason ?
Has he done it again ( whatever reason he gave ) Was it another woman, if so could he have himself been testing the waters to make sure you were the One ?

Many young people fall " in Love" when young, some with their First BF/GF and think it will last forever, which is rarely the fact. The majority of people have more than one serious Love/ Relationships in their lifetime.

Take your time, be friends, date. just hang out, Don't jump into a Marriage when you are not 100% you can trust him, 100% sure you have forgiven him.

Let yourself Date others and He Date others if you both feel comfortable with it. But also Do Not expect him not to Date others if you cannot commit to a exclusive relationship.

One thing you can do is just take a few days and seriously think about him, his good and bad qualities, the things you would ,( If you were married to him) expect as Rules and Desires. reflect on if you did or were to see him with another Woman, seemingly happy and serious about her, How will you feel or react ?

Will it hurt you, it shouldn't if you are just friends , you would want him to be happy. If it does hurt you need to find out if you want him in your life as a Friend, Lover, Partner ? One or more of the 3 or all 3 ? Then talk with him , discuss it and go from there.

**oxy-moron** · 01-22-2011 10:39 AM

Look at the stats below- then make your decision when you are both closer to 25.

Age at marriage for those who divorce in America
Age Women Men
Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%

**jns** · 01-22-2011 12:25 PM

Originally Posted by oxy-moron

Look at the stats below- then make your decision when you are both closer to 25.

Age at marriage for those who divorce in America
Age Women Men
Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%

Excellent statistics. To make them better, tell where you got them from. Also, are they only the age of the first marriage? Additionally, statistics for older first timers? Many probably get divorced after the children are raised or nearly so.