I have a weird situation....i really would love some adivse

**citystars1117** · 01-24-2011 10:59 PM

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years, I'm going to try and give the short story on this so i dont take up too much of your time............

Ok, so.....I am 2 years older then her and when we first started dating i was fresh out of high school and she was in 11th grade, she was very shy and nervous to talk to me, she lives up the block from me....and one day she built up the currage to ask me to hang out, we did......we smoked a few times that was that blah blah etc etc, fast forward to about 6 months later after we hung out once in a while, she suprised me and actually asked me out (because she didnt want anyone to take me away from her) we dated, i did everything for her for the first year, bought her everything, took her everywhere none romantic and romantic, she didnt have ANY friends so i was her best friend, her older boyfriend, her theripast everything, i did it all....it was amazing things where great.....now is where the problem starts.....the first year was a fairy tale, no fights no nothing.....nothing but love....she was so attached to me and wanted to see me every single day (and i agreed) i saw her every day and anything she asked, i did it for her or we did it together, sex life was great.

now the second year is different, i started to get into some things that held me back and she was on her last year of high school, i was getting into drugs (taking them and selling them) she still stuck around and loved me just as much, if not more because i was going thru a hard time in my life, she kept on telling me that i never paid attention to her though becuase iw as always on my phone and runing in and out of my house making sales and etc etc, so she started to build back up that wall that i took a year to break down, so she graduated everything was starting to go down hill from there, she got a new job since she was fresh out of high school, and i work mon - fri 40 hrs a week, so she had a lot of free time and only looked forward to hanging out with me, she still had no friends but had this new job.....we stopped having sex becuase the drugs where taking a toll on me with me withdrawing and us arguing about me running in and out etc.

so here comes year number 3, she has had enough, people at her job are starting to get used to her, guys and girls asking her to hang out, go on dates etc.....she says no to all of them because she has a boyfriend and doesnt want to feel guilty (keep in mind i never told her shes not allowed to do anything, she can do whatever she wants) but then she started to just feel so alone that she stopped asking me to hang out, we stopped talking everyday and started to only see each other like 2x a week.....she started college and still worked at this job while i just sold the drugs and worked my full time job, she started to now hang out with the girls from her job in a group with mainly girls, and some of the guy co-workers there......which i was fine with, she started to get a life of her own and she had friends to gossip with and vent to, when for the past 2 years....i was that person.....but now the tables have turned and she said shes not sure if she loves me as much anymore, she doesnt want to move intogether anymore....she said shes too young to be dealing with this stress and for the past year its like i wasnt there (which is a lie becuase yeah i was runing in and out a lot and was on drugs but no im clean and have been clean and stopped selling ALL FOR HER for about 6 months now)

she now would rather be out with her friends, shes going out to bars and clubs without me and she is dancing with guys and girls, or girls in a group etc, and she tells me everything, shes not keeping anything from me but she says she doesnt want to have sex with me and its been about 5 months roughly that we have done ANYTHING sexual, we still see eachother like 4x a week, she still says that she is in love with me, she still sleeps over, tells me everything she does when shes not with me.........but now im starting to feel like i love her more, and ive never stopped lovign her, shes always been the one girl that changed me and when i met her i said right away that im ging to spend the rest of my life with her, and now she doesnt know if she still feels that way, she said she wants to still be with me and still is fully in love with me, and the thought of any girl touching me makes her want to throw up and die, but she still refuses to have sex with me or do anything sexual, if we are hanging out and her friends call her she right away askes if "ill be mad " if she goes out with them, and its like yeah i understand you have a life now but i dont wannt be playied a fool, i just dont understand why ive changed so much in my life all for her becuase i noticed it was tearing our relation ship apart and how she went from being so obsessed head over heels with me......to saying i love you but i dont know if we are going to last, and us not having any sexual pleasure at all, shes in a bad mood more then often now, like theres good times and great days, but then the next day i dont talk to her at all until like 2 AM and she calls me to tell me she went to a club with friends from work, and danced with a few girls and guys, and that she wants to see me tomorrow and she hopes im not mad.....what do i do?

i was trying to give her some space and say like go on a break, but i really love this girl and i dont believe in that "if its meant to be let them go blah blah blah"........no....i dont want anyone touching my girlfriend, i just want us to go back to how we where when we first started dating, with or without sex....i can deal with that and work on it another time, i just want her to love me again, and understand that ive always done everyhting for her, making money for US and stopped taking drugs for US etc etc, i just feel like i went from the kind number 1 to....a fall back number 3 or 4 and i hate it because i cant help but feel like i completely ruined my relation ship with my future wife.....who i dont want to give up on and move on from becuase ill never be able to see or hear of her with someone else, and ill never be able to forgive myself........

please someone help, anyone.....its been too long that this has been going on and i dont want to lose her, my entire family loves her and says where going to get married, iw anna marry her and spend my life with her, and her family feels the same way....please and thank you for everyone that helps!!!! time is ticking =(

**citystars1117** · 01-25-2011 12:12 PM

Anyone??? please help me with this, your advise is greatly appreciated, i could really use some advise or some input from a woman or someone, anyone.

**pretzel** · 01-25-2011 12:35 PM

For what it's worth,

she needed you during a period of her life to help her grow. Now, she's entering a different phase of her life where you are not as important.

It happens with people.

**LanaBear** · 01-25-2011 12:44 PM

I read this earlier this morning and meant to respond, just got busy.

I'm sure it is confusing for you and especially her. She loves you (or feels she loves you), but you are comfortable to her, you are all she knows and she trusts you.

But you need to be able to stand too. It sounds like she put up with a lot in a couple of years with you running in and out doing what you did. She stuck around and waited. It sounds like now she feels it is her turn, but like you said, you don't want to be played a fool.

What happens when you talk to her about all of this? Does she understand? Does she see where you are coming from? Why the no sex?

I think you are now scared, kind of the don't know what you got until it's gone type of thing. Why is she in a bad mood so often now? Does she still have the same feelings towards you? Is she shying away, maybe not wanting to hurt you, thinking you will revert back to your old ways and drug abuse if she is not in the picture? Is that why she is still there?

Also, you shouldn't have stopped doing drugs for her, you should have stopped for yourself. That may be what she is afraid of, if you have used that line on her before. If you tell her you stopped for her or us, she may feel that she can keep you sober by staying in the picture regardless of her feelings or not. She probably cares a lot about you and wouldn't want you going back down that path.

**Moo~♥** · 01-26-2011 06:33 AM

I've got to agree with LanaBear.

It sounds like your life revolves around her. Don't get me wrong here, she should DEFINITELY be a huge part in your life, but you need to be able to stand on your own. Not financially, but emotionally. Maybe she's not looking for a fix-it project? It sounds like she definitely put up with a lot earlier, and you need to be understanding of that as well. As a friend once told me:

"Love is like sand. The harder you hold onto it, the more you lose it. But if you hold it in your open hands you can keep it all with room for more."

You may not want any other guy to touch her, but that's her decision, not yours. It sounds like she does still love you, she's probably busy sorting things out in her own mind right now, weighing the pros and cons in her head. It's not something you can rush. Just be there for her like she was there for you, even if that means letting her go. She may even see this and love you more for respecting her.

HOWEVER. Please don't do what my boyfriend does with me at times. We love each other dearly, but in the past when I'd have my doubts about us being together, I'd tell him I was thinking we might not work out, and his line was: "Well if that's how you feel, then you should do what you think you need to."

ACK. Fight your case, but don't be possessive. Let her know how much you love her and will be there to support her. Do little surprises for her when you can that show her you listen to her wants. Good luck my friend, and remember above all, it's her final decision.