Thread: Very confused and need advice

I have read a few posts on here about trust in relationships and snooping. Here is my dilemma. About a year and a half ago, I started to have that feeling that my husband was involved with a co-worker. He travels several times a year for work and she is always present on these trips. Our relationship was in rough patch (2 kids under 4, full-time jobs, no family around so needless to say, we weren't spending much time on ourselves or us) and he had grown very distant. I let this feeling nag away at me for over a year and finally last fall, I decided to check his text messages and call logs. I know it was wrong but I was only doing it to try and confirm what I suspected before confronting him. There was nothing specific but many, many text messages and phone calls during times when I was out of town and on nights and weekends and the gist of most of them while not stating anything obvious, indicates that they are very close emotionally at least. I asked him twice if he had been unfaithful to me. The first time I was general and he adamantly denied it. The 2nd time I mentioned the co-workers name and his respone was "this is ridiculous, I'm not going down this road again, she's married anyway"). I tried to let it go and we have worked hard on our marriage the last few months. But, he's leaving tomorrow for another business trip (co-worker will be there) and I'm feeling totally insecure again and asked him again last night. He denied it again and wants to know where this is all coming from. I want to admit that I snooped but then part of me wonders if I am blowing this all out of proportion and nothing really has happened and I will make things worse by admitting what I did? We've been together for 11 years and I've never felt compelled to snoop until I started to have that feeling - I have always trusted him completely and now even when he says nothing happened, I don't believe him. But I love him and want to work this out one way or the other - do I come clean about checking his phone? BTW, I only checked it that one time and decided I'd seen enough and am not in a habit of doing this routinely. I feel so confused and don't know what to do...

General rule.... if you feel it in your gut then something isn't right. He may not have had sex with this woman but with all the contact (texting/calls) they are either workaholics and it's all work related, or they have a deep friendship. Either way, there is something about this relationship that is triggering red flags for you and that's difficult if not impossible to ignore. Talk to your husband and tell him that you realize your relationship has been strained lately and you wonder about his business associate that goes on trips with him and you want to know the extent of their relationship. Does his cell phone bill come with an itemized list of incoming/outgoing calls and text messages? I know a lot of companies have itemized lists of numbers incoming/outgoing etc... you could tell him the cell phone bill and all the contact between the two of them has you concerned???