Fiance's Sister is controling and jealous! It's causing constant arguments!

**Soontobewed** · 02-02-2011 09:45 AM

Hi,
I got engaged recently and my future SIL is a monster. I'm finding that she outwardly insults me in front of a group of people (that are all their family members) and calls me names - claims it a joke but doesn't laugh after- and my fiancee doesn't say a word! She's constantly trying to control where things go in our house, how we should do things and making it a point to say "my brother" every minute she gets. I feel like she's jealous of us but she has a husband herself. I don't understand her constant need for attention and her demeaning attitude towards me. He says he notices it and doesn't get why she is doing it but he never says anything. I don't want to have a lifetime of problems with her and I feel he should stick up for me but doesn't - leaving me feeling second best. I don't like spending time w/ her and I get very tired of her actions and his inability to stick up for me. I feel like he should be horrified that his sisters treats me to poorly. Any suggestions??

**WildChild** · 02-02-2011 09:58 AM

Brush it off. Be the bigger person.

**Tool** · 02-02-2011 11:19 AM

I would just ignore it and not let it bother you.

**Soontobewed** · 02-02-2011 11:50 AM

Thanks I guess I should just let it go - I forgot to mention she got really drunk before and physically came at me and had to be held back. When I spoke to her about she "had no recollection and would never do such a thing"..

It's so hard to brush it off but I'm learning that I just may have to try a little harder.

**Tool** · 02-02-2011 11:59 AM

She had no recollection lol yeah right.. She sounds like a very controlling person, and got physical to try to gain control back.

You just keep ignoring it, and try to keep everything on your terms. This will keep the power in your hands. I think your Husband needs to grow a set and put her in place lol.

**auntie_awesome** · 02-02-2011 12:14 PM

If she is in your home and behaves this way, I wouldn't ignore it. You can simply say "I don't appreciate the name calling, even in a joking manner, and you need to stop." You don't have to resort to name calling or anything immature. You also need to have a talk with your soon to be husband about it. If he doesn't stand up for you against his family now, he never will. He needs to tell her to stop or leave in the future.

**OregonGirl** · 02-02-2011 04:03 PM

Do you guys all live in the same house?

You can't ask him to argue with his family, they are family, especially if the situation you're in is a tender one. It hurts to have the love of your life's family not like you. but it happens to the best of us.

As long as she's not physically abusive and is not coming at you all the time and saying nasty things and starting arguments I don't see how there's really anything he can do about it. It's in the best interest for both of you to hold fast to the love you have for each other and kick anyone who tries to break you apart to the curb.

**Soontobewed** · 02-03-2011 07:45 PM

Thanks for the advice everyone, it realy helps to see how other pple feel about it.

Oregon - No we don't all live in the same house, just us 2 but she lives on the same street. She was physically abusive once and isn't fun to be around. I think the next time it happens I'm just going to walk away and not get worked up. He has a very different personality than my father or my brother in law when it comes to being protective. I think one day he's going to stand up for me as long as I dont get angry and let it go. Time to focus on planning our wedding!

Thanks everyone