I like feel no one cares about me, and how I feel?

**collegegirl2010** · 02-03-2011 07:26 PM

Everytime my 14 year old sister gets mad at me for something SHE did, she always calls me dumb. I know that as a 18 year old female I should be more mature, and shouldn't let things like this get to me. But, I feel like it's not just because she's angry but because she really feels that way. My whole life I've had people trying to treat me like I'm stupid, just because I'm the quiet type and don't always let people know I know things. When I do let them know I know things they think I'm showing off, or acting like I know everything. It seems everyone wants to talk to me when they have problems or want my opinion on "how they look in something", they ask me. But when I want to talk they don't want to hear it, or if I ask how I look in something they get a nasty attitude and start yelling. And I'm the type of person that if I think a female look nice(not in a homosexual way, because I'm a heterosexual female), I will compliment them. And I don't do it because I think "oh yea, I want someone to call me pretty."But people never compliment me. I'm not an attention , but it's nice to have people compliment you every now and then. Most of the time I feel like no one wants to be around me...What should I do to help me stop worrying about what other think of me, and how they feel? I mean I do want to feel like people actually care, but don't want to worry so much.

I don't know what to do...

**jns** · 02-03-2011 07:53 PM

Hugs to you cg. It sounds like your family life is somewhat dysfunctional from this post and prior ones. Children get the attitudes from their parents, relatives and friends. It sounds like your younger sister is doing this. Hold your ground and limit her in your life if she wants to be this way. BTW, how did you do in your classes?

**SomiticPit** · 02-06-2011 12:13 AM

Just remember, treat others how you want to be treated. If you feel like giving someone a compliment, do it. And it's okay to hope for compliments in return. People will catch on, they will see you as this really nice person who actually takes the time to notice them, and they will want to be more like that too. They will be inspired by that. Be what inspires you.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 02-07-2011 02:06 PM

I think what you're feeling is very normal. When you're a giving person there will be some people that take advantage of that. I've always had a problem with attracting "friends" who in a sense use me for my advice, for my listening ear, for a place to fall but never offer up an ear when I'm in need. Fortuntely I have a few wonderful friends that I can truly count on. But most people are more genuinely concerned with themselves than they are anyone else.

You put too much of yourself into others. With that said, you cannot blame others for this. Now that you're an adult, it's time to put your foot down. When people stop being able to control you with their words, they'll stop the behavior. You're a sweet and sincere person with a wonderful heart. You see someone that looks nice and want to tell them....because you know it will make them feel good. The people you're describing that never return the favor, never return it because they never look at anyone else like they do themselves. They are so wrapped up in THEM they dont' care what you have on or whether you are wearing something new etc. It's called being selfish and self absorbed. That type of person will NEVER be a good friend to you. So why have them in your life?

Your sisters a kid. She's a puberty ridden child who probably doesn't even know how to control her own feelings for more than 10 seconds at a time. She calls you dumb, but not because you're dumb or because she truly thinks you're dumb. But once again, you're allowing yourself to be a doormat....and so she's using you to wipe her feet on. It's time to put your foot down. If you don't, you're in for many years of hurt feelings and heartache. You're way too good for that. Too much to offer. Quit being the doormat and start being the door.

**oxy-moron** · 02-07-2011 06:42 PM

Young teenagers are having huge mental growth and because of that have problems relating to others and reading other peoples emotional feelings.
Try an experiment on your little siss. Start giving her little pats on the shoulder along with a sincere little compliment. Do this regularly without being too obvious. This will bring her around to being a friend quite quickly. You will be manipulating her oxytocin (Human Bonding ) levels.

**collegegirl2010** · 02-07-2011 08:27 PM

Originally Posted by jns

Hugs to you cg. It sounds like your family life is somewhat dysfunctional from this post and prior ones. Children get the attitudes from their parents, relatives and friends. It sounds like your younger sister is doing this. Hold your ground and limit her in your life if she wants to be this way. BTW, how did you do in your classes?

Thanks...And I did great. I almost have a 3.0 GPA, its a 2.8.

**collegegirl2010** · 02-07-2011 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

I think what you're feeling is very normal. When you're a giving person there will be some people that take advantage of that. I've always had a problem with attracting "friends" who in a sense use me for my advice, for my listening ear, for a place to fall but never offer up an ear when I'm in need. Fortuntely I have a few wonderful friends that I can truly count on. But most people are more genuinely concerned with themselves than they are anyone else.

You put too much of yourself into others. With that said, you cannot blame others for this. Now that you're an adult, it's time to put your foot down. When people stop being able to control you with their words, they'll stop the behavior. You're a sweet and sincere person with a wonderful heart. You see someone that looks nice and want to tell them....because you know it will make them feel good. The people you're describing that never return the favor, never return it because they never look at anyone else like they do themselves. They are so wrapped up in THEM they dont' care what you have on or whether you are wearing something new etc. It's called being selfish and self absorbed. That type of person will NEVER be a good friend to you. So why have them in your life?

Your sisters a kid. She's a puberty ridden child who probably doesn't even know how to control her own feelings for more than 10 seconds at a time. She calls you dumb, but not because you're dumb or because she truly thinks you're dumb. But once again, you're allowing yourself to be a doormat....and so she's using you to wipe her feet on. It's time to put your foot down. If you don't, you're in for many years of hurt feelings and heartache. You're way too good for that. Too much to offer. Quit being the doormat and start being the door.

Thanks BD...I do have one friend that appreciates me, but I'm pretty sure she'll get tired of me complaining because when I need to talk she's the only person that'll listen.

**collegegirl2010** · 02-07-2011 08:34 PM

Originally Posted by oxy-moron

Young teenagers are having huge mental growth and because of that have problems relating to others and reading other peoples emotional feelings.
Try an experiment on your little siss. Start giving her little pats on the shoulder along with a sincere little compliment. Do this regularly without being too obvious. This will bring her around to being a friend quite quickly. You will be manipulating her oxytocin (Human Bonding ) levels.

But we never got alone like that, even when we were little. Our relationship is kind of on and off. Sometimes she wants to talk and be friends, then other times she wants to be rude and say hateful things.

**jns** · 02-07-2011 08:36 PM

Originally Posted by collegegirl2010

Thanks...And I did great. I almost have a 3.0 GPA, its a 2.8.

Keep up the good work. Don't let other things distract you.

**BabyGirl** · 02-08-2011 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by collegegirl2010

But we never got alone like that, even when we were little. Our relationship is kind of on and off. Sometimes she wants to talk and be friends, then other times she wants to be rude and say hateful things.

Maybe now that you are an Adult, your sister is jealous or even fearful that she may not excel or have a chance to go to College like you

She herself is just now starting her maturity cycle. You say sometimes she wants to talk ? What does she want to talk about when you do talk ? Does she have plans for her future , what does she want to be ? If you can find those things out and research and help her decide or help her get good grades so she can go to College like you. That might strengthen your relationship with her.

Maybe see if your College Campus has a " Career Day " Invite your sister to see what higher education is like. If she goes, she will see a world that is so different than her High School world. She will see Mature Students ( Like You ) acting like Adults, realize these young people are not Dummies or High school Drop outs.

If she goes, introduce her to your friends, or casual classmates and teachers. Using " This is My sister " say it with pride. She will get the feeling that you care for her and she will get the feeling of being grown up , when they say Hi and Welcome and have you decided if you want to go to College yourself.? She will feel more mature.

I seriously doubt that she will " roll her eyes and call everyone Dumb". She will be at her best behavior. When you get home, or on the way home. Tell her how mature she was in her behavior,( something like, Wow you looked like you fit in very well on Campus )
Tell her you are proud of her and Thank her for going with you .

Offer to help her get more info on any classes or subjects or career goals she may have. In doing this small thing you are showing her she can be something/ someone mature and responsible and she has Support. That is You Her Big Sister.

It is up to You to Change Your relationship with your Sister. She will learn to Look up to and Respect you and want to be your friend. If you handle it right. I am sure she loves you and I know you love her. Sisterhood is very Strong once the Love and Respect is Established.

She is 4 years behind you, think back to how you felt when 14, what you feared, what things upset you . You say you were the quiet type, it sounds like she is trying to be the opposite, she saw how you were treated by the family ( Called Stupid, because you were shy and quiet) so she may be reversing behavior to not be called that.

And deep down inside I know she just learned to call you that from hearing others do it. I know she looks up to you and probably feels you are abandoning her, someday you will move out and away and marry and have kids and. In her mind she will be alone...

So take her under your Big Sis wing, Don't be her Mother, Just be her Sister. Be her Friend and Be there for her !! But also let her know when she disrespects you, that that is not the kind of person you want to be around ask her whats really going on ?.
If she is still in a " Negative Mood " then tell her you'll talk with her when she's in a better mood and say I love you Sis and walk away.