Getting back together? Has anyone done it successfully?

**fiestypunkgirl** · 02-05-2011 11:18 AM

Heres the deal...
I think I met my soul mate, but as of now we're broken up (5 days now). We started out as friends, and it progressed into a relationship because the chemestry was there and we have SO much in common. I think we moved too fast once we did get together.

Hes just newely divorced, I've been divorced for 3 years now. I think hes emotionally immature. I have no douts he loves me, and I feel the same. He doesnt seem to know how to resolve conflicts through talking, just assumes things are over as soon as we have a disagreement. Hes insecure.

I broke up with him. He was being disrespectful and inconsiderate by not answering my calls, texts, etc. ignoring me and just being immature about the whole situation and saying hurtful things. It was ultimately jealousy, his end.

But now I find myself wanting to try again. Problem is, its been rocky since we started seeing each other and part of me wonders if this will ever change, or just escalate. But I have a hard time letting this go becuase I feel there is something there. I've told him before that if we breakup, its for good. I hate to go back on my word, it makes me seem wishy-washy and a pushover.
ANDi dont even know if HE would want to try again. So I'm putting myself in a vaulnerable spot of being rejected by even asking.

Any advice? Should I just let this go? I'm so confused!

How would I start the conversation of getting back together?

**WildChild** · 02-05-2011 11:19 AM

Give it some time. Five days isn't much. Get out with your GFs, pursue some non male interests and see how you feel in a month or two.

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-05-2011 02:08 PM

A couple of ways to look at it:

1) When a dog gets out of the yard and runs off, if it sees you chasing it, it thinks it's a game and continues to run away from you. However, if that same dog sees you and then sees you turn and walk away, they think the game is over and they will generally come running back to you. So stop thinking about "chasing" him and see what he does about coming back to you.

OR

Take some time, as WC suggested above and don't communicate much. Take some time to yourself to have a clean break and reevaluate things. After X period of time, if you feel so moved, ask him how the break has been for him. Don't be foreceful, just be direct and simply say that you have had time to reflect on the relationship, and you think it would be a much stronger relationship if he were to give you a second chance. Be ready to support your position as to why you believe it.

Also, the reason you broke up will impact how you approach this. make sure you acknowledge the reason, and mention what you think has changed and how.

**fiestypunkgirl** · 02-05-2011 05:20 PM

Thanks for the advice! I really liked the 'dog' metaphor, its a good way to look at things!
What I struggle with on that note is: since I initiated it, I broke up with him, would he even try to contact me again? I feel like maybe I would need to initiate that, too...?

As far as the waiting goes. Gosh, a couple months just seems like so long. Should I really wait that long? I feel like I would need to try in the next week or so. I'm horrible at this stuff. Perhaps impatient too

There is a concert coming up next Sunday I'm going to. He likes the band, would it be out of line to ask him to meet me there? Would that be too soon?

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-06-2011 05:06 AM

I don't know that it matters as far as who broke up with who...If he cares about you and wants to be with you then he should be willing to pursue you (IMO).

I don't think that a couple of months is too long, especially when you compare it to years...it's a blip on your screen of life. I can't tell you how long you should remain apart. I can tell you that you need enough time for a clean break, to look back over the previous relationship, evaluate it and determine how you would improve it IF you had another opportunity to do so.

"Trying in the next week or so..." is like coming back on the rebound.....

As for the concert, you may call him and see if he's going. I wouldn't do much other than that.

For all you know, he may still be in a fog over the women he loved breaking up with him. We men are s-l-o-w to work things through our own minds and even slower at getting back on our own two feet (Ie: over the woman we loved). Then again, most men would never admit it.

I am glad that you are horrible at this stuff....would you rather be an expert? That's why this forum is so good......Lots of advice from many good people who have had like or similar experience and are willing to share to help others.

Yes, you appear to be impatient.....slow down a bit.

If your relationship is meant to be, it will return and be even better than before. If it is not, then it won't and instead will be an opportunity for growth and learning.

I wish you the best.