Has anyone else felt like this?

**blueclouds** · 02-05-2011 01:48 PM

Hi,

I joined this forum in about September and posted a few things about my relationship. Everyone was so so nice but the responses I found hard to read and didn't log back on. I was generally advised to leave or consider leaving my relationship.

I couldn't remember my old login so I've signed up again. I'm still unsure about my relationship. Some days it gives me happiness, others I have unease and doubts. But, overall, I feel like I can't leave my relationship.

I was wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this?

I feel like it'd be very difficult and awkward to leave (I live with him) but I feel like I just can't, almost like it'd be wrong or not allowed. I can also sort of imagine how he'd be, which would be very difficult to handle.

I don't know whether I want to end my relationship but whenever I think about it I'm struck with this feeling that I just can't.

Thanks for any comments I get.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 02-05-2011 02:16 PM

Glad you decided to come back. Well..since you registered under a new name we have no way of going back and reading your old threads...therefore I don't know really anything at all about your relationships. First and foremost...when you ask for advice or opinions, you must know that not everyone is going to tell you what you want to hear....and it may be hard...but it may be what you need to hear.

I feel like it'd be very difficult and awkward to leave (I live with him) but I feel like I just can't, almost like it'd be wrong or not allowed. I can also sort of imagine how he'd be, which would be very difficult to handle.

I don't understand what you mean by this. Why couldn't you end the relationship, move out, have a life of your own and start new if that's what you wanted?

**blueclouds** · 02-05-2011 02:30 PM

I don't honestly know either. I know that people often are in relationships, end them, move out, move on. I could do this with help from my parents (for the extra rent for a few months). That is the practical side of it.

When I think of actually doing it, I feel like I can't. I understand that by saying I 'can't' probably doesn't make sense so I will try to explain. I feel like I couldn't deal with it, shouldn't, it'd be wrong, he would throw everything bad onto me (a lot of blame, guilt) and I couldn't handle it. I think I feel like I am so 'tied' to him, that it's so decided that I am to stay with him, that I couldn't do it.

Am I making any sort of sense yet?

**blueclouds** · 02-05-2011 02:40 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

Well..since you registered under a new name we have no way of going back and reading your old threads...therefore I don't know really anything at all about your relationships.

I just tried an advanced search by username after you said it would help to see my old threads. I remembered it had purple in the name so i searched purple and I found my old username - it's PurpleGoddess. I still don't know the email/password for it though (I had a problem with spam and had to change all my emails a few months ago). From reading my old posts, some of what I wrote is different now, some just the same.

**sourpuss** · 02-05-2011 02:42 PM

People split up and get divorced after 40 or 50 years of marriage and kids, etc. You can leave. You can either be uncomfortable and sad for the short amount of time after you split or you can be unhappy for a lot longer staying in a relationship you don't want to be in.

**blueclouds** · 02-05-2011 03:00 PM

sourpuss, you're right, I know. I've been in relationships before and been able to end them ok. Not that breaking up was easy but I didn't struggle with/resist the idea like this.

I think another issue is I can't figure out whether I should end it or not - I can't seem to work out if it's worth staying with him or going, there are good and bad things and I can't seem to work them out to figure this out.

**sourpuss** · 02-05-2011 05:41 PM

I always say, if you're asking yourself if you should go, then you already know the answer.

**SomiticPit** · 02-05-2011 11:51 PM

What exactly would be your reasons for leaving? Do you just feel like there isn't a spark anymore? Does he make you unhappy in any sort of way? Is there an underlying secret you're not sharing? Is he in anyway abusive, or maybe the relationship just feels dull? Are you wanting to expand your options, and see whats out there? What would be your purpose, or reasons for ending this. If you can make that clear, maybe it would be easier to pack up and leave. If you just started packing, and he walked in on you stuffing your suitcase and asked you, "Why are you leaving?" What would you tell him? You can't just run out on people like that. Maybe make a list of pros and cons?

**oxy-moron** · 02-07-2011 06:54 PM

More info needed. Are you doing anything to make your relationship better or are you bit of a fatalist and prepared to let things just run their course.
You have had other relationships and obviously they ended- problem is if you keep just abandoning relationships you will eventually end up alone and tired of the game.

I think that their are often little changes that can be made that can improve things- that applies to everything not just relationships- you can either do your research and make informed changes or you can try to get another one- whether it be a job or a car or a friend or a lover.
Obviously you care enough to search out a website like this- How much chill time(together) is there in the relationship. How much physical touching and cuddling?

**blueclouds** · 02-08-2011 05:42 PM

Hi, sorry if there are typos in this but I'm having to use my phone to access the forum!

Sourpuss, maybe there is some truth in what you say, or at least that it's a sign something needs fixing.

Oxymoron, I'm really not sure where your comments have come from but your judemental response to me is a little offensive. I have had one serious boyfriend before my current, that ended because he moved across the country and started to fancy his new flat mate, I don't think that was quitting, getting rid of an old car or running away.

The only other relationship I've had was too short to be serious and was in between. We split because of very different ideas of our future (no way compatible) plus we weren't that amazingly compatible either.

Finally, I have spent a lot of time trying things with my boyfriend and talking about things. I might e unsure about some things but one thing I'm clear I'm not is a quitter. Maybe that's why I'm struggling so much with this, I really don't know. Anyway, I don't think I'm out of order by asking you not to judge me until you know about me.

SP. I was talking to a good friend today for some advice and it made me see the main issues in our relationship a bit clearer. We are very close, good friends and get on very well with other. Negatives are that we haven't really got a spark or sex life, from everything we've tried this hasn't yet changed. Other smaller issues are that whilst I like his interests, he doesn't like some of mine and at times I feel a bit like he'd prefer me to stay with him doing things than go out with friends or something to do other things I'd like. Also, sometimes we have communication breakdown - I like to talk over things but he's a man of very few words, but I've heard that can be a common male trait.

Thanks for the replies.