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Thread: Confused and stressed...

  1. 02-08-2011 11:59 AM #1
    fitness126
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    Default Confused and stressed...

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    So, I'm going through a bit of a relationship issue right now. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 years. I have been waiting and waiting for a ring from him and finally it's close to happening. Close as in like weeks away. He is really an amazing guy, probably would never be able to find someone like him. This is all great except for the fact that now the thought of the ring is freaking me out! I'm honestly sick to my stomach thinking about it. I have even been contemplating what I want to say! I know I should be thrilled he's going to ask me but I'm honestly scared. The other piece to this situation is that about a month ago I met another guy. We have been talking through text and I even went out with him a few times (which was wrong I know). For a long time (before this guy) my boyfriend and I were having trouble just not connecting anymore even sexually. We hardly ever have sex or any physical contact (even still). I met this new guy and it was like an instant attraction. I've tried to tell myself to just stop talking to him and let it go but I can't shake it...I think about him constantly. Do I want to marry the man that will treat me right and be a wonderful husband or father who I don't really connect with or be with the new guy (or someone else) that I may connect with but not have all the other great aspects that I have now. I really don't know what it is I want or what to do...
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  2. 02-08-2011 08:52 PM #2
    tesoro
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    I think you already have a feeling about what the right answer is.

    If you are feeling sick to your stomach just thinking about it...then it's not right for you.

    I think the fact that your sexual connection is gone means that he is not your guy.

    You'll have to decide what you're going to say to him if he asks you...you could just tell him that you don't feel ready and that your concerned about your sex-life.

    It sounds like you are really interested in this new fella. If your bf was the right man for you, you wouldn't be so interested in this new guy.

    "Take the first step in faith - You don't have to see the whole staircase - just take the first step."
    - Martin Luther King Jr.
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  3. 02-08-2011 10:42 PM #3
    WildChild
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    Tesoro is right on target. Don't let the fact that you have 5 years together cloud the fact that the attraction has waned. Unless you are willing to work at getting it back, you need to rethink this seriously.The goal is a good long term relationship not a ring.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
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  4. 02-09-2011 12:12 AM #4
    sbc
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    take it from me, if you have sexual issues now before you are married they will just get worse once you are married, unless to WildChild's point you are willing to work on it and improve it.

    you need to be honest with him and most importantly yourself, if you are going to possibly marry this person then you need to start the marriage with openess and honesty about difficult situations and hopefully resolve them, and if not then perhaps he is not the person you are meant to be with and better you find this out now then after you are married.
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  5. 02-09-2011 04:01 AM #5
    oxy-moron
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    The problem with the new love is that it will follow the path of the previous relationship- there is no magic life partner- There is no Santa and no tooth fairy.

    If you do decide to do a trade in on another model make sure that you dont let the spark die on the new one- or you will be looking for yet another. Do some research on the web instead of following your heart. Your heart will lead you around in circles.
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