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Thread: Getting over it

  1. #1
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    Default Getting over it

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    It's been two months since my boyfriend dumped me, but I am still not over it, I have friends I keep myself busy... but whenever I'm inevitably alone to do coursework I break down into tears. I used to try and contact him as we said we'd be friends but after he'd always block me again. Even after over a month he'd always go back to blocking me afterwards.

    I don't think it's only the fact i'm not really over it but the fact that he doesn't seem to care whether we are friends either. It makes me angry and I have sent some angry emails and apologised straight after. I recently deleted him from facebook.... but I can still see his profile and someone I think he lives with just posted a picture of mating rabbits .... I assume this is a reference to something he was doing last night. I am so upset jealous and angry (he would never let me see where he lives at the moment he lived there 2 months while we were together)

    I just don't know what to do please help!!

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    WH Super Moderator Array caterpillar79's Avatar
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    First thing's first: CUT all means of communication with him and stop any hopes of getting back together, no not even being friends with him. By sending him texts/emails, you are lowering your self and your degree of difficulty - do NOT do that.

    It hurts (been there, done that), but time would help you heal. You're doing the right thing by keeping busy. When you're alone and feel like crying, cry and let your emotions out. Self-talk infront of the mirror and all that drama...then smile and tell yourself you'll be happy today and work towards that.

    Adopt a hobby and go out more. Counseling could also help if you have access. Over all, give him the chance to feel you are not available at his beck and call anymore. You don't want to be his friend anymore. Give him time to miss you.
    What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy

    The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen

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    thank, what do you mean by degree of difficulty? I can't really take up any more hobbies I do a lot and the time I have a lone I really should be focused on my work I think it has already affected my grades. As for counselling I'm looking into it but there's a long waiting list and I really needed some advice in the mean time.

    I don't know how to cut any further I deleted his phone number, from skype etc. but I can still see his facebook and send him messages on it even though I deleted him ... I know I should have a backbone, and I feel pathetic, but it is too tempting.

    PS we study a similar course and I have to see him on a regular basis, where he completely ignores me. But in future we may have to work together again.

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array JadedQueen's Avatar
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    What type of breakup did you have? What I mean is did you have "closure"? Do you know the reason(s) why you two are no longer together? Often times when a relationship ends and there isn't "closure" so to speak it's more difficult to move past. You need to get this guy out of your head. I have done this before and it seemed to help me, maybe you could give it a try? Sit down and write a letter to him telling him everything you wish you could or would have... tell him how you feel/felt about him, tell him how angry you are with him (if you are angry with him) and why tell him any and everything that you are feeling/thinking about.... then when you are done writing this letter to him.... tell him GOODBYE and burn the letter. It may sound crazy but sometimes you have to get all your feelings/emotions out before you can move forward even if it is just on paper and you are the only one that reads it.... I hope that helps.
    I think I read that you were only together for 2 months? Were you friends prior? if so how long? Is he your first relationship? How have you handled/dealt with other breakups?

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    we were together for a little over 6 months, it has been about 2 months since we broke up and must seem ridiculous that I'm still thinking about it.

    Just before we broke up he told me how he was sorry to break his promise not to hurt me, and we talked and I made him see it was just a rough patch and so we agreed not to break up... but 6 days later he comes over and tells me it's over, he doesn't look forward to talking to me or seeing me anymore. It was fairly amicable at the time, but ever since questions would keep coming up and obviously I can't get answers anymore, like was all the time when he told me he was so happy to be with me a week and a half earlier a lie and then more questions etc.

    I've tried writing a letter (but not burning it), I've tried saying goodbye and nothing seems to work for very long.

    It was my first real relationship, I have only previously seen people for around a month or two and never been referred to as a gf. All of these have been ended by the guy, and I didn't deal with them that well either ... but this was so much longer and I had stronger feelings involved.

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    You are still infatuated, he isn't. It will take time to get this out of your system litterally as the chemicals that create these emotions have to subside.
    Get busy, exersize, get out with freinds, learn something new, try some new recipes, work a little more and keep on writing but find some other things to write about sometimes. You'll survive this and can be stronger for it.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

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    I suppose, but 2 months is excessive right? Especially when i am a busy as I can be, it only seems to distract from rather than remove the problem

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    It took me over 6 months to really move on.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array JadedQueen's Avatar
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    Since it was your first "real" bf I don't think 2 months is a long time. I know there have been relationships in my life that dispite the length of the relationship they were more difficult to get over than others, it all just depends on how deep your emotions are for the other person. I know it probably doesn't seem like it now but you will get over it. It's all just a matter of time. Try to keep yourself busy and don't dwell on things. Unfortunately, your unanswered questions will probably remain unanswered, and I have found from my own experience that's the most difficult to work through is the wondering and not every knowing. Hang in there. We are all here for you to lend a shoulder to lean on. Good luck.

  10. #10
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    Thanks everyone, i managed to block him on facebook now so I can see absolutely nothing. But all I can think of still is that picture... and what it more than likely means, it's stopping me from sleeping just thinking of him moving on and behaving like that with someone new, and the people that "liked it" too. It really meant something to me when we made that step together ... now it really seems to mean very little to him. It makes me sad. I just feel embarrassed talking to my friends about it and I wouldn't even consider telling my mother.

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